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mion
The Collegian • May 7, 1991
/VCottegian
Editor in Chief
Anastasia Hendrix
Managing Editor
Thor Swift
News Editor
Debbie Speer
Copy Editor
Shannon Wentworth
Sports Editor
Richard James
Graphics Editor
Quietus
Photo Editor
Quietus
ArtSpeak Editors
AndyDavey
Cynthia D. Baxter
Staff Writers
Jana Ballinger, Ed Bove,
EricBumey, Quietus, Chris
Heredia, Quietus ,Krista
Lemos, Debbie Richards,
Quietus,
foe Torres
Sports Winters
Chris Cocoles, John Welsh,
- DougMcteod
Staff Photographer
Suzanne Kayian
Staff Artists
Aviva Rosenthal, Jesse Mah,
Erik Vallejo
News Aide
Debbie Richards
Columnists
Quietus
Quietus
Quietus
Quietus
Business Manager
Chance Gordon
Advertising Manager
Ron Mann
Advertising Production
Manager
Melissa Caguimbal
Published since 1922
by
THE ASSOCIATED
STUDENTS, INC.
Editorial Headquarters
Keats Campus Building
Newsroom 278-2486
Sports 278-5733
Advertising 278-5734
Nekton experienced
#>^
The ^M+e House
experiences +he
GravHy oV+V,e
9&$
ImwCOHJe&ArJ
Snaky business in the morning
By John Welsh
B
rushing my teeth while
worrying aboutbeing bitten by
a snake is not my idea, of ideal
rrioJTung^entertemmehr. afthe
ar^rtment. But for a few days
last week, thafs exactly the
kind of activity I was forced to
deal with.
During my in-front-of-mir¬
ror morning ritual: gelling my
hair, deodorizing my armpits,
stubble shaving—I was forced
to face a new and bizarre dan¬
ger.
1 had to protect my feet from
being attacked by an unwel-
comed visitor. And, as far as I
was concerned, this slithering
newcomer had gigantic fangs
that were anxiously awaiting
some juicy human flesh. My.
human flesh.
We know that in some apart¬
ments live many a disgusting,
rent-free critter. Spiders, cock¬
roaches and rats have been
found in living quarters of
many an American.
However, last rime I checked,
snakes just don't make their
way into suburban-setted
dwellings with the greatest of
ease. So how come this type of
wild, weird, wacky stuff hap¬
pens to me?
Thafs because I have Jack
for a roommate.
You all know Jack. He's the
guy who goes hunting with a
buddy, never kills anything
butcomes home with the great¬
est stories you've ever heard
this side of the Mississippi.
Well, just the other weekend,
Jack came home with more than
just a story or two. Somehow,
a snake wrapped itself within
Jack's camping equipment. _
Jack noticed the monster
when he was unpacking inside
our three bedroom apartment
located across from the Fresno
State campus tennis courts.
Even he, the wilderness mas¬
ter himself, said A_^.
he was startled r ' ^
on his first en-^* "JJ
counter with the
creature.
I don't know
who was more
scared: thesnake '
or Jack? All 1
know is that once
the skinnier of
the two realized
its presence had
been detected, it
made a quick slither to the
bathroom area.
Next thingyou know, Jack's
telling me we've got a small
problem. As the story goes, the
legless beast found a conven¬
ient hiding spot from mean ol'
Jack. Theblasted thingdiscov-
ered a hole underneath one of
the three sinks. My sink!
Small? Don't be telling me
"we've got a small problem"
when I've got to warn my big
toes that they should be on the
lookout for a long thing that
crawls on its belly, sticks ou tits
tongue and hist might have a
fetish for feet.
Similar to most college folk,
I've got too many units, too
many papers and too many
tests bogging me down. After
a day of lectures. Scan trons and
those Campus police^ dudes
tefling me to get Off my bike
and walk it when going
through the main quad, I am
ready to relax the soul. I like to
snap open a Miller Lite, flick
on the boob tube to ESPN and
pull up a
~"«^-i ^ <^j r "
*—iy couch.
£_ Call me dif-
-<^£ f ferent, but I
just don't like
1M&
games.
No, this is more than just a
trivial little glitch here. What
we're talking about here is a
major catastrophe. This new
rug-appreciative roommate
could attack at any given time,
including when I'm fast asleep.
Speaking of which, a fter Jack
told me there was a snake on
thelooseinsideour apartment,
my dreams were far from filled
with sugarplums dancing in
my head.
I started having nightmares.
I dreamt that this renegade
snake had numerous offspring
and the next thing you know
A modest proposal? Maybe not
snakes were coming out of thc
shower head. Snakes were
hiding in my pillow case. Some
snakes found their way into
my box of frosted flakes.
In some dreams, the snakes
took on famous personalities.
Orie snake looked like Richard
Nixon and another was Sad¬
dam Hussein.
Finally, after a considerable
amount of highly intellectual.
I-Be-A-College-Student theo¬
rizing, Jack came up with an
idea on how to lure the snake
out from its comfortable crev¬
ice.
Since this is a family news¬
paper, I won't mention any of
the gory details regarding the
snake'sretrieval. Instead,you
get thecompletelyedited, cen¬
sored, G-rated version.
He got the thing out. Let's
put it this way, the snake sur¬
vived. The bait didn't.
Mr. Snake is gone now. Jack
released it in the desert. I'm
glad ifs back in the world of
narurewhereitbelongs. Snakes
just don't belong in a box of
cereal.
Next timejackgoes hunting,
I'm telling him to unpack his
junk some place away from my
sink; some place outside the
apartment. Like Saudi Arabia.
Mr. Welsh is a Journalism major
andsports uiruerfor Tbe Collegian
Tbe snake now resides in Button-
unilou/, Calif., where it was yanked
after a quaint meat of 'Mouse du
four1 with tbe help of a fishing rod.
In most of its reporting of
the results of the recent stu¬
dent elections. The Collegian
has been quite accurate. How¬
ever, one comment took me
aback and prompted further
investigaHon. On Friday, April
26/TheCollegjan reported that
the recently passed student
initiative toreducestudent ASI
fees would next have to be ap¬
proved by a two-thirds vote of
the student senate, then be
certified by President Haak,
and be sent on for final ap¬
proval to the Board of Trus¬
tees.
During my investigation I
learned that theenablingdocu-
ment governing increases or
decreases of the ASI fee is Sec¬
tion 89300 of the State of Cali¬
fornia Education Code. The
Education Code itself governs
alleducationinthestateand is
the one to which allotherdocu-
See LETTER page 3
Object Description
| Title | 1991_05 The Daily Collegian May 1991 |
| Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
| Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
| Publication Date | 1991 |
| Description | Daily (except weedends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif.: BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
| Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
| Contributors | Associated Students of Fresno State. |
| Coverage | Vol.1 no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
| Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
| Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
| Language | eng |
Description
| Title | May 7, 1991, Page 2 |
| Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
| Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
| Publication Date | 1991 |
| Description | Daily (except weedends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif.: BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
| Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
| Contributors | Associated Students of Fresno State. |
| Coverage | Vol.1 no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
| Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
| Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
| Language | eng |
| Full-Text-Search | mion The Collegian • May 7, 1991 /VCottegian Editor in Chief Anastasia Hendrix Managing Editor Thor Swift News Editor Debbie Speer Copy Editor Shannon Wentworth Sports Editor Richard James Graphics Editor Quietus Photo Editor Quietus ArtSpeak Editors AndyDavey Cynthia D. Baxter Staff Writers Jana Ballinger, Ed Bove, EricBumey, Quietus, Chris Heredia, Quietus ,Krista Lemos, Debbie Richards, Quietus, foe Torres Sports Winters Chris Cocoles, John Welsh, - DougMcteod Staff Photographer Suzanne Kayian Staff Artists Aviva Rosenthal, Jesse Mah, Erik Vallejo News Aide Debbie Richards Columnists Quietus Quietus Quietus Quietus Business Manager Chance Gordon Advertising Manager Ron Mann Advertising Production Manager Melissa Caguimbal Published since 1922 by THE ASSOCIATED STUDENTS, INC. Editorial Headquarters Keats Campus Building Newsroom 278-2486 Sports 278-5733 Advertising 278-5734 Nekton experienced #>^ The ^M+e House experiences +he GravHy oV+V,e 9&$ ImwCOHJe&ArJ Snaky business in the morning By John Welsh B rushing my teeth while worrying aboutbeing bitten by a snake is not my idea, of ideal rrioJTung^entertemmehr. afthe ar^rtment. But for a few days last week, thafs exactly the kind of activity I was forced to deal with. During my in-front-of-mir¬ ror morning ritual: gelling my hair, deodorizing my armpits, stubble shaving—I was forced to face a new and bizarre dan¬ ger. 1 had to protect my feet from being attacked by an unwel- comed visitor. And, as far as I was concerned, this slithering newcomer had gigantic fangs that were anxiously awaiting some juicy human flesh. My. human flesh. We know that in some apart¬ ments live many a disgusting, rent-free critter. Spiders, cock¬ roaches and rats have been found in living quarters of many an American. However, last rime I checked, snakes just don't make their way into suburban-setted dwellings with the greatest of ease. So how come this type of wild, weird, wacky stuff hap¬ pens to me? Thafs because I have Jack for a roommate. You all know Jack. He's the guy who goes hunting with a buddy, never kills anything butcomes home with the great¬ est stories you've ever heard this side of the Mississippi. Well, just the other weekend, Jack came home with more than just a story or two. Somehow, a snake wrapped itself within Jack's camping equipment. _ Jack noticed the monster when he was unpacking inside our three bedroom apartment located across from the Fresno State campus tennis courts. Even he, the wilderness mas¬ ter himself, said A_^. he was startled r ' ^ on his first en-^* "JJ counter with the creature. I don't know who was more scared: thesnake ' or Jack? All 1 know is that once the skinnier of the two realized its presence had been detected, it made a quick slither to the bathroom area. Next thingyou know, Jack's telling me we've got a small problem. As the story goes, the legless beast found a conven¬ ient hiding spot from mean ol' Jack. Theblasted thingdiscov- ered a hole underneath one of the three sinks. My sink! Small? Don't be telling me "we've got a small problem" when I've got to warn my big toes that they should be on the lookout for a long thing that crawls on its belly, sticks ou tits tongue and hist might have a fetish for feet. Similar to most college folk, I've got too many units, too many papers and too many tests bogging me down. After a day of lectures. Scan trons and those Campus police^ dudes tefling me to get Off my bike and walk it when going through the main quad, I am ready to relax the soul. I like to snap open a Miller Lite, flick on the boob tube to ESPN and pull up a ~"«^-i ^ <^j r " *—iy couch. £_ Call me dif- -<^£ f ferent, but I just don't like 1M& games. No, this is more than just a trivial little glitch here. What we're talking about here is a major catastrophe. This new rug-appreciative roommate could attack at any given time, including when I'm fast asleep. Speaking of which, a fter Jack told me there was a snake on thelooseinsideour apartment, my dreams were far from filled with sugarplums dancing in my head. I started having nightmares. I dreamt that this renegade snake had numerous offspring and the next thing you know A modest proposal? Maybe not snakes were coming out of thc shower head. Snakes were hiding in my pillow case. Some snakes found their way into my box of frosted flakes. In some dreams, the snakes took on famous personalities. Orie snake looked like Richard Nixon and another was Sad¬ dam Hussein. Finally, after a considerable amount of highly intellectual. I-Be-A-College-Student theo¬ rizing, Jack came up with an idea on how to lure the snake out from its comfortable crev¬ ice. Since this is a family news¬ paper, I won't mention any of the gory details regarding the snake'sretrieval. Instead,you get thecompletelyedited, cen¬ sored, G-rated version. He got the thing out. Let's put it this way, the snake sur¬ vived. The bait didn't. Mr. Snake is gone now. Jack released it in the desert. I'm glad ifs back in the world of narurewhereitbelongs. Snakes just don't belong in a box of cereal. Next timejackgoes hunting, I'm telling him to unpack his junk some place away from my sink; some place outside the apartment. Like Saudi Arabia. Mr. Welsh is a Journalism major andsports uiruerfor Tbe Collegian Tbe snake now resides in Button- unilou/, Calif., where it was yanked after a quaint meat of 'Mouse du four1 with tbe help of a fishing rod. In most of its reporting of the results of the recent stu¬ dent elections. The Collegian has been quite accurate. How¬ ever, one comment took me aback and prompted further investigaHon. On Friday, April 26/TheCollegjan reported that the recently passed student initiative toreducestudent ASI fees would next have to be ap¬ proved by a two-thirds vote of the student senate, then be certified by President Haak, and be sent on for final ap¬ proval to the Board of Trus¬ tees. During my investigation I learned that theenablingdocu- ment governing increases or decreases of the ASI fee is Sec¬ tion 89300 of the State of Cali¬ fornia Education Code. The Education Code itself governs alleducationinthestateand is the one to which allotherdocu- See LETTER page 3 |
