1988_04 The Daily Collegian April 1988

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Page 2 Tuesday, April 19,1988
Opinion
Cooking takes unconventional turn
E
m
By Kurt Hegre
The microwave arrived about two weeks ago and my
eating habits have changed I haven't been able to figure
out bow to cook Top Ramen, Noodle Ramen or any of
tbe other fine Ramen products in the microwave yet so
I am sampling new and strange foodstuff.
Frozen food, once much loo slow for my lifestyle,
has become my beat friend. There is something magical
about watching the tran sf ormarjon of a block of frozen
casserole from its popscicie stage to hot and juicy in a
matter of minutes. Pve never been the type to plan
ahead enough to actually thaw something before I cook
it, so in a way this microwave thing is making my Life
easier.
But as is always the case with technology, it brings
both good and bad. For a long time, I refused to use a
microwave for fear that it would cause some mutant
strain of radar ray to enter my body, lay dormant for
thirty years and rear its ugly head when I breed, corning
in the form of children with three legs, two of them on
their back.
I always think of a story my dad told about one of
the first radar dishes and a non-believing victim. It
seems that a lone soldier was left (o guard the dish
during an all night shift. He was told by his superiors
to stay away from the front of II The night was long
and soon the soldier became restless and began
marching back and forth in front of the huge dish. After
several hours, the soldier began feeling rather strange,
and fell to the ground in a heap. Which is exactly where
the man was found when the next guard arrived in the
morning. The poor soldier was sweating heavily and
moaning about a burning pain running through his
upper body. The man was rushed to the hospital where
he was flu that he had been cooked by the radar.
Cooked from the inside out
And as Ear as I know, that's how a microwave works.
For years, whenever I had a chance to use a microwave 1
thought of that story and took my food to a
conventional oven.
The microwave can provide more than just hot, fast
food, though. It can be a kind of adult toy. Everyone
has heard the story of the woman who dried her poodle
in (he microwave; but there are other fun things to be
put in your oven radar.
I was in a Monterey camera store a couple of
summers ago when a man came in and complained that
his new camera would not work. It got wet, ihe man
said, and there is only one thing to do with a wet
camera and that, of course, is to throw it in the microwave. Which is just what the guy did. For some reason
he turned on (he flash unit because it was on the camera
when it got wet
The camera was one of ihose new auto-everything
models, and according to the man who saw it happen,
the camera began shaking and bucking, (he flash went
off for something like five minutes straight and every
moving part on it was vibrating like a jackhammer.
When the timer on the oven went off, (he man backed
away from the oven and waited several minutes before
daring to open the door. When he finally got to the
oven, the camera was twisted inio a sculpture of metal
and plastic and smelled foul.
This was a man who obviously overestimated the
abilities of the microwave. But that's okay, consider it
research. You now know not to dry your camera in the
microwave. But if you are bored and looking for a cheap
light show, this may be for you.
Myself, I think the best use for the microwave is as a
clothes dryer. Oh, you may not be able to dry a pair of
jeans or a sleeping bag, but it's perfect for socks or
tennis shoes. In fact, if you arrange the contents of the
oven just right, you can dry your clothes at the same
rime you cook dinner.
If you have goldfish, there is a little known sport
you can share with your finned friends. Place the bowl
with two fish in it into the oven and turn it on low. As
the water heats up, one of ihe fish, the more athletic of
the two, will begin to swim faster and faster leaving the
loser to pound its little fish body against the bowl. It's
common in some circles to wager on your favorite fish
and the whole thing begins to resemble a cock fight.
There are still a few things I have yet to try with the
microwave, like lighting a cigar and burning garbage,
but I have a feeling the full-scale Fesearch will be
something that will make my name a scientific legend.
P.S. To any science types who might feel il to be
their duty to write in and correct my facts on how a
microwave actually works, buzz off. I'm not going to
let the facts get in the way of a few good stories. I
really do not care how these things work. Knowledge
always hinders good experimentation.
Kurt Hegre's column appears every other Tuesday in
The Daily Collegian.
Reader
Response
to The Daily Collegian is welcome,
please send letters of no more than
250 words to The Daily Collegian,
Keats Campus Building, California
State University Fresno, Fresno, California 93740-0042. Letters must be
signed and have the author's name,
telephone number, and address.
Staark's letter rebutted by Ford
Dear Editor,
Mr. Stark's April 11 letter shows an
ignorance of the real world. Before an
injury put me oul of business, I had
two customers that were forced out of
business by UFW actions. I do not disagree with the need for the UFW, but
they are no more perfect than anyone
etee. It is interesting (o note that I lost
over $3,700 when these farmers filed
for bankruptcy. This is something that
a sheltered individual like Scott Stark
would not be exposed to.
The second issue is "Miss Cog-
ley's" letter, it is full of technical
errors. It is incorrect to state that no
other group produces an event as Large
as CYC. The Amerasia group does, in
fact, produce a larger event. MEChA
was reprimanded because of a continuing disregard for the policies and
procedures of the AS Senate. If researched, MEChA has a long history
of this type of disregard. MEChA had
a greater opportunity for input during
the budget hearings than any other
club. In fact, the committee stretched
the rules when hearing MEChA. That
is  something  we  will  all  have  to
explain.
Tipsy Taxi has not incurred a
$1,300 bill and has not exceeded its
$200 allocation (It did not even need a
line item change).
Since neither you, Karen, nor I attended the fraternity banquet, I would
suggest you only comment upon your
own empirical observations of thai
banquet. This is something you can't
do. Karen, maybe you should stick lo
the one thing you are an expert at
—senseless confrontation.
In conclusion, the name-calling
diatribe by Mario Gonzales requires no
comment. The tetter speaks for itself:
Bullshit aod fantasy.
Sean Ford,
Senator, Post 1
Enough
Dear Editor,
Okay, I finally had enough of being
condemned as per my social status
here at Right Wing State, which apparently makes me and those like me a
blundering idiot. So I decided to spend
some time to sit down and write a professional, well-documented, factual letter to once again defend myself as a
Greek. But then I thought, the hell
with it! No one at The Collegian, the
high and mighty, self-righteous, ever-
controversial Collegian has shown any
evidence (pun intended) of having even
alternated, to write as. such. JGT course,
that would be too idealistic. It's much
easier to mud-sling.
Look, I am an individual. I was an
individual long before February 1987
when I pledged my sorority, and I certainly am an individual now. I am
probably more of one today because,
for some strange reason, I've felt the
need to exemplify my individuality for
fear of being stereotyped by "individuals" such as yourselves.
Wow, I hold a small, non-paying
position at KFSR. I take a stand on
issues 1 feel are important, I have
opinions and well thought-out ideas—
hey, I even enjoy a gig or two at the
Wild Blue from time to time. It also
just happens' that I am a member of
the Greek system.
I guess maybe I shouldn't have expected much from a small newspaper
at a relatively small school located in
a small city, but I did, and for dial I
blame myself.
Kim Bruno
Greek issues addressed and defended
Dear Editor.
I feel compelled to address a few of
the issues mentioned in Wednesday's
article on the Greeks and discrimination based on economic status and
sexual preference.
Have Mr. Robertson or Mr. Vincent
spoken with the rush chairman of any
of the 10 fraternities or ihe rush
chairman of the Inierfratemity Council? If not, I suggest they do so to find
out what the established rush guidelines entail. I am confident that a
certain socioeconomic status or sexual
preference will not be specified as a
prerequisite for participation.
As far as the assertion made by Mr.
Koenig that he was "buying" his
friends, I would argue that a fraternity
or sorority is a business and must be
run as such. Many of CSUFs fraternity chapters and all of its sorority
chapters are fortunate to have houses,
and thus incur many expenses that
other groups do not have. Leaky ceilings and broken air conditioning units
do not "fix" themselves. Individual
houses do not receive any money from
the AS budget, and therefore ihey
must collect dues to finance (heir
operations.
I agree with Dean Corcoran (not
Corcer) that we Greeks need to improve our image. Believe me, we're
trying, but it's hard when we're ignored by campus media for the good
ihings we do. Case in point, last
semester the Greeks sponsored an
AIDS seminar on campus that was
quite successful. A local TV station
seni one of their news anchors to
cover ihe story, but the Collegian,
who had been notified of the event,
didn't even mention us on the back
page. The only press we got from the
Collegian was the advertisement we
paid for.
Jennifer Hans
The Daily Collegian
Founded in 1922
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