1989_12 The Daily Collegian December 1989

              ['age 2    Wednesday, December 6, 1889
The Dailv Collegian
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APPLICATION DKAMJNE: TUESDAY. DECEMBER 12,1989.
WaUKeUe/s IP0G0
By Doyle & Sterneckey
What to write at
semester's end?
Devin Swisher
This is my last column. School
is almost over for the semester
and there are oldCollegians
stacked everywhere in sight.
I was thinking of writing a piece
on the hazards of commuting to
work by bike; however, I couldn't
quite get up the zeal. Last week I
almost got flattened by a steam
roller. Honest to God, I thought I
was going to be one of those
cartoon pancake people. Most of
the time when I get angry as I'm
riding to work, it just amounts to
me beingjealous about not having
a car, then it turns into self-
righteous indignation about the
environment.
I also thought about writing a
column on the farmers. I saw a
farm lobbyist bitching about
losing one of their productivity
tools (translated — cancer-
causing chemicaU and felt rather
insulted. This paid whinerwent
on to say how a person would
havetoeat 15poundsofthis
fungicide a day for 51 years before
"having an encounter with
cancer."
I think "a rendezvous with
cancer" would be more
appropriate, don't you? What this
guy didn't mention is that we are
having encounters with at least a
hundred other "productivity
tools" at the same time.
I was thinking of writing
something particularly nasty
about politicians. I was going to
say that they are all blood¬
sucking parasites, but then I
decided not to. The brand of
politicos we have on campus are
just the ordinary generic kind, I
believe. They should be wrapped
in white paper with "PLAIN
LEECHES IN LIGHT SYRUP"
printed on the front In black
blockjetters.
I have been thinking seriously
of congratulating the GLBSAfor
possessing tremendous patience
in the face of adversity. It takes a
lot of guts to stand out there by a
toppledrbooth in the glare of the
TV cameras and the hatred of the
unenlightened. There will come a
day when you can look back on
these times and rightfully say
that you made a real
contribution. Hang in there.
Writing a column is not an easy
task; it's sort of like trying lo
juice a lemon that's been sitting
on top of the refrigerator for three
months. An idea for a good topic
gets into my head, yet it is ever so
dificult to bring it to fruition.
Like that old lemon, these ideas
can only be squeezed so hard. So
then, the question in my mind is:
can I get a whole glass of
lemonade?
Student suffers more campus dreams
Dear Editor,
I seem to have unusual dreams
when I "crash" after all-night
cramming sessions for school.
Recently, 1 was up 'till the wee hours
writing a psychology paper, and my
dream that night went so:
As I lay on a sofa, Freud analyzed
why I was a racist (he said it was due
to poor toilet training). This was
disturbing to me because I thought it
wasn't and hadn't been racist at all.
Suddenly Freud turned into Jose
Lopez, ASI strongman, who beat me
up for being an ignorant lily-white
fraternity punk whom he despised.
Gary Silva (of women's studies class
fame) pulled Lopez off' me. but the
CSUF racism police grabbed him.
took him to the racism task force
courtroom, and sentenced him to
have an "R" branded on his forehead.
They started to come back for me.
but I woke up from my slumbers and
fearfully went out for some coffee.
Most tragically. P suppose, I had
overslept and my psychology paper
was late anyway.
GaryBrase
Bone to pick with moody computers
Dear Editor,
I have a bone to pick with whoever
is in charge of the computer lab up in
AH 316. 1 was there for over three
hours Monday trying to get a paper
printed, not typed mind you, Just
printed when I was informed by the
attendant in the red vest, when the
printer had stopped printing for the
10th time, that our friend, the printer,
was in a "bad mood" today.
Bad mood? ~«U, that made two of
us. it seems to me like those printers
are always In a bad mood: their
disposition is in a constant state of
Insolence.       \
Well, call me a real cynic, but what
good is* a "free" computer lab
(overlooking tuition and tax dollars)
when they refuse to work? Maybe one
of our good-natured,. paid state
employees can go in there and give
them a little pep talk?
Extremely aggravated,
Chris Glass
THEDAILY COLLEGIAN
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