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Wednesday, March 2,1988 Page 11
WOK
Continued from page 2
Imagine his body on display in Pittsburgh and his bead in Gncetand, tending
to more pressing matters. Everyone
would win—adoring fans could see their
idol's famous gyrating hips while Elvis'
head was fed peanut butler and banana
sandwiches and worked on memorizing
the lyrics to "Old Shep" for lhe big show
in Atlantic City.
If the government puts federal funding
behind this technology, we could have an
operating machine to separate Bono's head
from his body by the turn of the century.
Think about it.
The velcro removable head would also
promote world peace. Superpower leaders
could separate their heads from their bodies and exchange them in a ritual-type
WISE
Continued from page 2
moustached counter clerk who was on a
work-release program for the weekend, we
filled up and took a wonderfully abusive
drive around town.
To our delight, five young men, clad in
Iron Maiden T-shirts and riding skateboards, waved their middle fingers to welcome us to one of the city's more palatial
malls.
I'm not sure, but 1 think three of them
were named Dude.
After several more teenagers saluted us
in ihe same fashion, we concluded that
this was how San Joseoans said "Hi" to
each other, so we returned the gesture
with great fervor.
The mall, with masterful architectural
ingenuity, presented a pleasant backdrop
to the juveniles which carouse, rape and
pillage it.
Behind a trendy department store rests a
beautiful promenade where the respective
citizenry watches planes sometimes crash
but mostly whiz by at 25 feet.
Actually, that's mean. The mall is
where my friend and I gained respect for
San Jose's youth. It takes a particularly
selfless, dedicated and dynamic individual
to put on well-heeled penny loafers, tweed
suits and shiny gold name tags, and then
ceremony.
Mikhail Gorbachev's splotchy bald
head gently placed on Ronald Reagan's
torso (and vice-versa) would be a symbol
to al! nations proving that people of all
colors and creeds can live in harmony,
just like they do in F^psi commercials.
The severed head would be the answer
to some of medicine's most pressing
issues as well. Most cancer, all heart
disease and virtually all other frustrating
medical questions would be forgotten.
But patent-holder Kelly seems intent
on squashing progress .like a monster
truck passing over a wayward puppy.
The patent mun be revoked. We most
go forward and rally for further research.
Wc are the door to the future; the severed
head is the key.
Rob Evan/ column appears every Wednesday in The Daily Collegian.
get paid $3.50 an hour for it.
Soon after, we met our friends at Marriott's and—yes—we had a good lime.
Remember, though, Great America is in
Santa Clara.
Anyway, we were tired of malls and
amusement parks and, in general, the new
San Jose. We wanted some culture. And
real food.
I'd heard aboul this great "rib and chicken" place in the seedy part of town. So
we headed toward the campus and found
out what this city is really about.
Bums. Lots of them.
The locals told us that many California
derelicts come here to pay homage to the
great bums of the 20th century; the ones
that sleep in ihe campus ivy and make
popsicles from Boonesfarm strawberry
wine. They were partly right /]
They use Thunderbird, too.
Anyway, we made it to this hole-in-the-
wall place where a greasy-haired fry cook
of maybe 50 took time out from the local
chit-chat to throw some of those famous
ribs on the grill.
As he wiped his barbecue sauce-stained
fingers on the bottom of his wrinkled
bowling shin, a few beads of sweat fell
from his forehead onto the grill and into
our ribs. He lold us it was part of the
marinade.
The locals, excited by Jake's ways, told
him to turn up the heat and throw some
more on.
Before we left lown that night, we
drove by Spartan Stadium. As we watched
chips of paint fall into the hand-fill Pespi
dispensers, two fairly hideous young women cornered us. *>j
Both were a little anxious-to say "Hi."
"Hit me, bile me, tie my hair io your
car axle and drag me as far as you can
go," was son of what one said.
Someone once told me Silicon Valley
girls apply makeup with turkey basiers
and, sadly enough, lhat some are slightly
sleazy.
I don't believe that. In order to be
sleazy, someone has to want to see you
naked first And, well, I'll leave that one
alone.
And the guys? I'm no Lcif Garreu but
there are some real ugly guys in San
Jose; guys wiih more pock marks than
Miami Vice's Castillo. It's as if their
faces caught on fire and someone tried to
put diem out with an ice pick.
"Do you know the way to Fresno?" I
asked a portly service station attendant before we left Oakland's armpit. "No." he
said, pulling at a nose hair that had somehow protruded into his mouth. "But I
know the way to San Jose."
I'll bet you do, you jerk.
Oh, wait. Thai's a cheap shot and good
journalists don't do those things, do they?
Rubes®
By Leigh Rubin
^~*6*^
^ \
jT >^.
■s.
BB
^^^■■afc
■■>
1
1
Wendy's Student Meal Deal
1 Present this coupon
and get a Chicken Breast
| Fillet Sandwich, fries, and a
medium soft drink
for $2*99
Offer good at Cedar & Shaw
location only.
Expires 3/7/8S
KENNEL COPY CENTER
Place your
order now for
personalized
insertion cards
Last day to place
an order May, 6, 1988
294-3945
LATIN AMERICAN FILM SERIES
PRESENTS
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2
UPSTAIRS CAFETERIA
Rm200
NOON
SPONSORED BY: LATIN AMERICAN SUPPORT COMMITTEE
Object Description
| Title | 1988_03 The Daily Collegian March 1988 |
| Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
| Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
| Publication Date | 1988 |
| Description | Daily (except weekends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif. : BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels ; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
| Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
| Contributors | Assocated Students of Fresno State. |
| Coverage | Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
| Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
| Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
| Language | eng |
Description
| Title | March 2, 1988, Page 11 |
| Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
| Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
| Publication Date | 1988 |
| Description | Daily (except weekends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif. : BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels ; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
| Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
| Contributors | Assocated Students of Fresno State. |
| Coverage | Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
| Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
| Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
| Language | eng |
| Full-Text-Search | Wednesday, March 2,1988 Page 11 WOK Continued from page 2 Imagine his body on display in Pittsburgh and his bead in Gncetand, tending to more pressing matters. Everyone would win—adoring fans could see their idol's famous gyrating hips while Elvis' head was fed peanut butler and banana sandwiches and worked on memorizing the lyrics to "Old Shep" for lhe big show in Atlantic City. If the government puts federal funding behind this technology, we could have an operating machine to separate Bono's head from his body by the turn of the century. Think about it. The velcro removable head would also promote world peace. Superpower leaders could separate their heads from their bodies and exchange them in a ritual-type WISE Continued from page 2 moustached counter clerk who was on a work-release program for the weekend, we filled up and took a wonderfully abusive drive around town. To our delight, five young men, clad in Iron Maiden T-shirts and riding skateboards, waved their middle fingers to welcome us to one of the city's more palatial malls. I'm not sure, but 1 think three of them were named Dude. After several more teenagers saluted us in ihe same fashion, we concluded that this was how San Joseoans said "Hi" to each other, so we returned the gesture with great fervor. The mall, with masterful architectural ingenuity, presented a pleasant backdrop to the juveniles which carouse, rape and pillage it. Behind a trendy department store rests a beautiful promenade where the respective citizenry watches planes sometimes crash but mostly whiz by at 25 feet. Actually, that's mean. The mall is where my friend and I gained respect for San Jose's youth. It takes a particularly selfless, dedicated and dynamic individual to put on well-heeled penny loafers, tweed suits and shiny gold name tags, and then ceremony. Mikhail Gorbachev's splotchy bald head gently placed on Ronald Reagan's torso (and vice-versa) would be a symbol to al! nations proving that people of all colors and creeds can live in harmony, just like they do in F^psi commercials. The severed head would be the answer to some of medicine's most pressing issues as well. Most cancer, all heart disease and virtually all other frustrating medical questions would be forgotten. But patent-holder Kelly seems intent on squashing progress .like a monster truck passing over a wayward puppy. The patent mun be revoked. We most go forward and rally for further research. Wc are the door to the future; the severed head is the key. Rob Evan/ column appears every Wednesday in The Daily Collegian. get paid $3.50 an hour for it. Soon after, we met our friends at Marriott's and—yes—we had a good lime. Remember, though, Great America is in Santa Clara. Anyway, we were tired of malls and amusement parks and, in general, the new San Jose. We wanted some culture. And real food. I'd heard aboul this great "rib and chicken" place in the seedy part of town. So we headed toward the campus and found out what this city is really about. Bums. Lots of them. The locals told us that many California derelicts come here to pay homage to the great bums of the 20th century; the ones that sleep in ihe campus ivy and make popsicles from Boonesfarm strawberry wine. They were partly right /] They use Thunderbird, too. Anyway, we made it to this hole-in-the- wall place where a greasy-haired fry cook of maybe 50 took time out from the local chit-chat to throw some of those famous ribs on the grill. As he wiped his barbecue sauce-stained fingers on the bottom of his wrinkled bowling shin, a few beads of sweat fell from his forehead onto the grill and into our ribs. He lold us it was part of the marinade. The locals, excited by Jake's ways, told him to turn up the heat and throw some more on. Before we left lown that night, we drove by Spartan Stadium. As we watched chips of paint fall into the hand-fill Pespi dispensers, two fairly hideous young women cornered us. *>j Both were a little anxious-to say "Hi." "Hit me, bile me, tie my hair io your car axle and drag me as far as you can go," was son of what one said. Someone once told me Silicon Valley girls apply makeup with turkey basiers and, sadly enough, lhat some are slightly sleazy. I don't believe that. In order to be sleazy, someone has to want to see you naked first And, well, I'll leave that one alone. And the guys? I'm no Lcif Garreu but there are some real ugly guys in San Jose; guys wiih more pock marks than Miami Vice's Castillo. It's as if their faces caught on fire and someone tried to put diem out with an ice pick. "Do you know the way to Fresno?" I asked a portly service station attendant before we left Oakland's armpit. "No." he said, pulling at a nose hair that had somehow protruded into his mouth. "But I know the way to San Jose." I'll bet you do, you jerk. Oh, wait. Thai's a cheap shot and good journalists don't do those things, do they? Rubes® By Leigh Rubin ^~*6*^ ^ \ jT >^. ■s. BB ^^^■■afc ■■> 1 1 Wendy's Student Meal Deal 1 Present this coupon and get a Chicken Breast | Fillet Sandwich, fries, and a medium soft drink for $2*99 Offer good at Cedar & Shaw location only. Expires 3/7/8S KENNEL COPY CENTER Place your order now for personalized insertion cards Last day to place an order May, 6, 1988 294-3945 LATIN AMERICAN FILM SERIES PRESENTS WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2 UPSTAIRS CAFETERIA Rm200 NOON SPONSORED BY: LATIN AMERICAN SUPPORT COMMITTEE |
