1988_03 The Daily Collegian March 1988

              Page 2  Tuesday, March 1,1988
'imon
'Metal Machine Madness' strikes
Tbe weekend was marked by a series of disturbing
and not unrelated incidents. I'm not superstitious, but
after this weekend I'm beginning to wonder if some
strange new driver is not behind the wheel of the bus.
It started innocently enough with a phone cal) from
my roommate Friday night He was in Sacramento
and had been drinking, but had good news. He had
found a copy of the highly prized, out of print Lou
Reed album "Metal Machine Music.''
The album is literally more than an hour of screeching electronic feedback stretched over two records and
comes complete with a disclaimer that labels it as a
medical product A commercial failure, the album has
found an audience with mental patients and people
convicted of such horrible crimes as stapling the
family dog to the neighbor's front door on Christmas
Eve.
I decided it would be a welcome addition to the
family record collection and went to bed feeling like
an an collector.
Saturday morning my roommate called back with a
strange story. He had just seen a children's television
show on which a 100- foot high Elvis parade float had
exploded, kilting hundreds of innocent people. He was
sober. I was scared.
Something had clearly happened during the night
It was hot normal to have such terrible acts of violence broadcast for our nation's youth.
I had work to do, so I tried to put the visions of a
flying death Elvis out of my mind. It seemed to work
and I spent the early pan of the evening watching ok)
people play bingo.
I decided the whole incident must have been the result of alcohol poisoning or perhaps stress. Why not?
I recently heard a chorus of angels singing outside my
bedroom after three sleepless days. They sang so well
during the 45-minute concert that I spent nearly half
an hour searching the apartment for the leader so that
1 could thank him.
The next ten hours were filled with a storm that
brought hurricane strength winds and saw the Great
Rain God repeatedly flush his toilet over Fresno. I
was filled with a violent desire to hunt down Barry
Manilow and rip his ears off with a parr of rusty
pliers.
I couldn't sleep, began sweating heavily and kept
hearing sirens, which seemed to be traveling in circles
around my apartment complex. It was almost twelve
hours later when the sirens finally began to sound as
if they were heading out of town.
I was shaking but relieved when I grabbed the Sunday paper from the back porch. "Everything will be
OK," I thought to myself. "A hole light reading and
Til be as good as new."
No sooner had I reached the second page when 1
was struck by devastating news. Husker Du, one of
America's finest bands, had broken up over the weekend. I was saddened but kept reading, hoping to find
one of those stories with a dateline from Nepal that
claims a woman had given birth to her own mother.
Instead, I discovered two stories on one page that
finally did me in.
"Exploding snail blinds diner," read lhe headline to
one. The other was a story about infamous mass murderer John Wayne Gacy's love letters to a woman who
he intends to many. Gacy, you will remember, is the
man who dressed as a clown and killed 33 young men
in Chicago.
A Chicago newspaper had printed Gacy's letters
which contained such bizarre babbling as his plan to
open a halfway house for "homy girls and party my
butt off in orgies." He called the Royal family a
bunch of sissies and claimed he was reduced to tears
by an Olympic skating event
It all made sense now. Gacy knew we had "Metal
Machine Music." In fact he may have somehow been
responsible for us getting the album. Everything that
had happened during the weekend was a direct result of
a 14-year-old record album falling into the wrong
hands. The storm, the sirens, the killer Elvis, even
Husker Du. I kept thinking of that poor woman who
was bunded by the exploding snail. Did Lou Reed
know what a monster he had created?
It sounds paranoid, but until some action is taken,
things can only get worse. I fear for Brooke Shields'
life. I'm not sure why, but her name keeps popping
into my mind. And seven members of ihe Denver
Broncos will die in a terrible incident involving a vai
of nacho cheese.
There is an answer and I feel that it is my
responsibility to share it wiih you. At least one side
of "Metal Machine Music," all sixteen minutes and
one second of it must be played on ihe air at a local
radio station. It must be done soon. Within a week.
Please don'i fight it. Think of your family. Think of
that poor woman and the exploding snail.
Kurt Hegrs's column appears every other Tueday in
The Daily Collegian.
Reader
Response
to The Daily Collegian is welcome. Please
send letters of no more than 250 words to
The Daily Collegian, Keats Campus Building California State University Fresno, Fresno, California 93740-0042. Letters must be
signed and have the author's name, telephone number, and i
Coverage commended
Dear Editor,
I would like to commend Donnell
Alexander on the splendid job that was
done on the article about Astone and
Silveria on Feb. 25.1 wrote a letter a
few weeks ago that was highly critical
of the misrepresentation of facts by
one of your guest columnists. This
article, on the other hand, was well-
organized, offers enough comments
from both sides of the issues and was
researched well. Furtnermore, since it
was not intended to be a commentary
but rather a news report, the article did
not imply any bias to one side or the
other. The article simply reported the
facts. Keep up die good work.
Sincerely,
Dan Auema
Response necessary
Dear Editor,
I feel this whole idea of people
writing to Reader Response to voice
their interpretation of someone else's
Reader Response letter is getting a little out of hand. Regardless, I felt
compelled to enter in after reading
Robert Hoenig, Jr.'s letter in Feb. 25
Daily Collegian.
Lei me state that I'm currently
inactive as a member of ihe Theta Pi
chapter of Tau Kappa Epsilon on
Chico State's campus. Recently transferring to Fresno State, I've had the
opportunity to speak with individuals
of various Greek organizations on this
campus in hopes of learning more
about the Greek community. J
I'm interpreting Mr. Koenig's experience with fraternity life as somewhat irregular. That is not to say that
excessive drinking and the abuse of
illegal substances doesn't take place. I
would like to point oul that Greek letters on your chest are not however, a
prerequisite for this to happen. As far
as the life-long friendships are concerned, the members of Tau Kappa Epsilon will always be a fond memory as
well as an important part of my
growing years. The "bond" that lakes
place is not just a bunch of hype, Mr.
Koenig; maybe you just weren't a
compatible person.
Sincerely,
Phil Klinkenborg
Nobody's puppet
Dear Editor,
Mr. Aviles obviously isn't talking
about the same Sean Ford that is in
the AS Senate. He must be referring
to someone else because I cannot im
agine Sean as being anybody's puppet
or a brownnose.
I h.ive seen Sean in action on
campus and he does seem to be a very
friendly person. Possibly, this is what
Mr. Aviles mistakes for brownnosing.
Ii is possible that Mr. Aviles has no
friends and therefore has no point of
reference to tell the difference. Sean
has approached many diverse groups
on campus: GLSA, PSYCHO, IFC,
and others. In each instance he has
expressed an interest in their goals and
interests. I am of the opinion that that
attitude and practice to be fine for a
senator-at-large. in fact, thai is what
should be expected of someone in that
position.
Mr. Aviles, before you accuse me
of being a puppet or a brownnose, I
would very strongly suggest lhat you
consult with my enemies.
Sincerely,
David W. Loeffler
BA History
USA (Ret)
Sr. IE
Not his darling
Dear Editor,
I wouldn't have bothered responding
to Frank Aviles letter, but the stupid
jerk committed one unforgiveable
sin—he called me "Darling."
Frankie, sweetie, where I come
from you don't call someone "Darling"
unless (A) you've kissed her feet or
(B) you've slept in them—and sugar
pie, you don't stand a donkey's chance
in paradise at either one. Furthermore,
aren't you the same fella who was removed from office last semester on
charges of a total lack of honesty or
integrity? You're in deeper than a long-
hom wearing size 12 boots, baby doll.
Could you be a little bitty bit jealous
and resentful because no one would
ever be accused of saying they admire
your intellectual insight and respect
your concern for student rights? You
can't tell the difference between
friendship and puppcteering? Since
you're so well acquainted with the
Counseling Center, honey bunch, why
don't you let them explain it to* you.
While-nosed as always
Bev McKenna
Missing the positive
Dear Editor,
I am responding to the letter in
which Robert Koenig, Jr. wrote in the
February 25 edition.
It is not too often in which I waste
my valuable time in writing a letter to
the editor, for I do so only when I
deem it necessary. Robert, I applaud
you for bringing out in lhe open a few
problems with the Greek system, for I
am a brother of a distinguished fraternity of ihe mall. Indeed, the ideals
of creating "life-long friendships" is a
major fallacy, for only in reality do we
see that you are very fortunate to
escape with two, or maybe even three
"life-long friendships" from a fraternity. And yes, a few brothers even treat
you like dirt at times, which, in itself,
contradicts the fraternity ideal. However, I think you failed to realize that
the ratio of "positive-to-negaiive" aspects is overwhelming.
College is not only a time to bury
yourself in books, for it also involves
meeting people of different back-
Please see LETTERS, page 9
The Daily Collegian
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