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Page 2 Friday, March 11,1988
McCue's View
■ '. /
'/.
c
J
m
Yes sir, they do call this retail politics. Unfortunately, election rules prohibit giving rainchecks
to be used when a candidate, who is worth a damn,
does decide to run.'
New fJeopafdyf
has possibilities
As a dedicated watcher of the game
show. Jeopardy, I've lately become
distressed by the fact that the show seems
to be getting a little bland.
In other words, there's been too many
weird categories, too many weird
questions and just too many weird people
around to answer the weird questions.
I feel lhat some alterations are in
order—changes which will give the show
the power lo attract viewers other than
weird people who answer weird questions.
Here are some suggestions:
RACIST JEOPARDY
This one could be a lot of fun. Imagine
three ethnic contestants, not competing
for cash, but competing for the right to
push the host (a chosen celebrity racist)
off a cliff:
AL CAMPAN1S: Yom Kippur is
absolutely right, Joe, I didn't think a
black person had the buoyancy to answer
a question about Jewish holidays. And
Jack, I thought a Jew would be certainly
be able to beat Joe to the buzzer on that
question. Anyway, it's your selection,
Joe. And, Jack, you gotta move quick,
there's no time to count your money.
JOE: 111 take Geometry for 200, Al.
CAMPAN1S: What? Joe, ihere's a
whole category over there about
basketball, why don't you go into your
area of expertise?
JOE: I don't know much about
basketball, Al.
CAMPAN1S: Darned, you black
people just don't have the buoyancy to be
good Jeopardy players. Why don't you eat
some soul food and listen to James
Brown?
ELVIS PRESLEY JEOPARDY
Elvis Jeopardy would be geared to a
select group of people—the incredibly
stupid. The winner would get a free trip
to Graceland. The runners-up would be
given a year's supply of Gummy Elvises.
HOST: In 1969, this famous singer
put out the song "Suspicious
Minds" ...Sam!
SAM: Who is Elvis Presley.
HOST: Correct, choose a category.
SAM IT! take Famous Entertainers for
400.
Please see MATSUNE, page 3
Just when you thought it was safe
Just what you thought it was safe to have sex with
condoms, along comes Masters and Johnson.
Tbe famous husband and wife sex research pioneers
have turned the world of AIDS research topsy-turvy
with (heir new book, "Crisis: Heterosexual Behavior in
the Age of AIDS."
Tbe book comes to some astounding conclusions.
Not tbe least of which is the idea that AIDS can be
spread through "deep kissing." I'm not writing with
tongue in cheek tbe book really does say you can
catch AIDS from kissing.
Nasty AIDS germs live in sali va where they fester
and wait for tbe easiest possible mute into an awaiting
mouth. Besides that, kissing with cats on your tongue
and lips—bleeding into someone's mouth—-is
especially deadly in (be case of "soul" or "French"
kissing-—thai is, deep, tongue-probing, saliva-mixing
kisses. ■- "■ "*"'"■■ ■"'- ■ ■' -
Of course, this is all just theoryT Several' people;
including the Surgeon General, believe AIDS can only
be transmitted through sex, dirty needles, blood
transfusions and birth. But hey, I don't think you'll
catch my tongue probing any foreign mouths in the
near future.
Besides deep-tongue, M and J. theorize tbe deadly
HIV virus can be contracted through toilet seats,
mosquito bites, open wounds and of all things,
TOUCH FOOTBALL GAMES.
Now why did they have to pick on America's favorite
sport? They might as well have told me I could get
AIDS from my grandmother's famous split pea soup.
Afterall, Grandma could accidentally drool in the soup.
And who knows where Grandma goes on ber off hours.
When you can catch a deadly disease from touch
football, nobody is above suspicion.
My flag football league will inevitably have to be
canceled. One thing is for sure, they're going to be
short one offensive lineman next weekend. I mean, if
Graridma can't be trusted, I sure as hell don't want some
rabid defensive tackle spraying'his AfDS-infected saliva
all over me.
As for relieving myself, I have already soaked the
porcelain bow] in my apartment with three gallons of
Oorox bleach. From here on out, proof of having taken
an AIDS test will be required to use the bathroom. It
may be a little inconvenient for my sloppy beer
drinking buddies, but those slobs will just have to use
the outdoor plumbing.
Mosquito bites represent a much more intriguing
problem. My reservations for the Kenya semester have
already been canceled. I don't intend to have my life
wiped out by a blood-sucking parasite. I've also ordered
the latest in nylon mosquito net suitwear for next
summer when the little buggers attack Fresno in
droves.
The "Crisis" doesn't simply stop with new and
intriguing ways to contact a killer disease. Oh no,
Please see BLOOD, page 3
The Daily Collegian
JoAnn Baltau - Editor in Chief
Lisj Kim Bach -Managing Editor
Tracy Coma - News Editor
Anna Daza - Copy Editor
Sharon Kuan - Ad Manager
Kenny Low - Business Manager
Jon Matsune - Sports Editor
Kurt Hegre - Photo Editor
Ron H ol man - Asst Photo Editor
Rob Evans -Graphics Editor
Susie Tombs - Ad Production Mgr.
Jeff Markarian - Asst. Business Mgr.
T. James Madison - Entertainment Editor
Richard McCue - Staff Artist
Staff Writers- Donnell Alexander, Jana Lee Briscoe, Barry Grove, Lots
Henry, Kendall Kerr, Maryann Milligan, Linh Nguyen, Angela Valdivia,
Jennifer Whiteley
Sports Writers - Steve Fountain, Lee Passmore, Jim Proulx, Brian Veneski
Photographers - Akemi Miyama, Lane Turner
Advertising Reps - Eric Anderson, Jeff Bauman, Roderick Chow, Tony
Martin, Dave Spencer
Circulation - Bill Lerch Distribution - Steve Fountain
VxUMilyGiatt** btpublathcd by the Awctted Student) of CSUF and the newspaper iuft dtily except Stturdayi.
Sundayiejaaninaijm weei and uniwrstty holiday* The newspaper office la located in the Keao Campua Building:
Ffflm California 93740. EdteriaJ line 2H-24W; Newi line: 294-J487; Buslm and AdmtWng: S4-2M6. TtalWy
CoflefaBi Ii a member of the Cillfamli Irtircolleglair Pm AaacOation. Subscription! air avallabfc by mall for
Sl'-SOperjeinesterorjJOpeTyeer. The oplriceii published on this page n no) neceaaailly thaw si TluDmb/Cat
bfira orNxtaff. Unsigned editorials an the opinion ot the pi peri editorial board
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breathed
BLOOM COUNTY
JTOOyfflWil
&*M/K£ <r Kir**
FIKJrVt..
7H> 37Vt£H SAtVH
Ammey arcm Mm.-
£iX HWPS & XHfMHb
byBerke Breathed
a*w omvaamtfp /
rercn -meHvrtr
etVf' -£MG/rr-!
BRAIN' DO rW
tmf nam■
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b3M
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ItEEZ.
Object Description
| Title | 1988_03 The Daily Collegian March 1988 |
| Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
| Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
| Publication Date | 1988 |
| Description | Daily (except weekends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif. : BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels ; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
| Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
| Contributors | Assocated Students of Fresno State. |
| Coverage | Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
| Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
| Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
| Language | eng |
Description
| Title | March 11, 1988, Page 2 |
| Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
| Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
| Publication Date | 1988 |
| Description | Daily (except weekends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif. : BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels ; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
| Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
| Contributors | Assocated Students of Fresno State. |
| Coverage | Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
| Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
| Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
| Language | eng |
| Full-Text-Search |
Page 2 Friday, March 11,1988
McCue's View
■ '. /
'/.
c
J
m
Yes sir, they do call this retail politics. Unfortunately, election rules prohibit giving rainchecks
to be used when a candidate, who is worth a damn,
does decide to run.'
New fJeopafdyf
has possibilities
As a dedicated watcher of the game
show. Jeopardy, I've lately become
distressed by the fact that the show seems
to be getting a little bland.
In other words, there's been too many
weird categories, too many weird
questions and just too many weird people
around to answer the weird questions.
I feel lhat some alterations are in
order—changes which will give the show
the power lo attract viewers other than
weird people who answer weird questions.
Here are some suggestions:
RACIST JEOPARDY
This one could be a lot of fun. Imagine
three ethnic contestants, not competing
for cash, but competing for the right to
push the host (a chosen celebrity racist)
off a cliff:
AL CAMPAN1S: Yom Kippur is
absolutely right, Joe, I didn't think a
black person had the buoyancy to answer
a question about Jewish holidays. And
Jack, I thought a Jew would be certainly
be able to beat Joe to the buzzer on that
question. Anyway, it's your selection,
Joe. And, Jack, you gotta move quick,
there's no time to count your money.
JOE: 111 take Geometry for 200, Al.
CAMPAN1S: What? Joe, ihere's a
whole category over there about
basketball, why don't you go into your
area of expertise?
JOE: I don't know much about
basketball, Al.
CAMPAN1S: Darned, you black
people just don't have the buoyancy to be
good Jeopardy players. Why don't you eat
some soul food and listen to James
Brown?
ELVIS PRESLEY JEOPARDY
Elvis Jeopardy would be geared to a
select group of people—the incredibly
stupid. The winner would get a free trip
to Graceland. The runners-up would be
given a year's supply of Gummy Elvises.
HOST: In 1969, this famous singer
put out the song "Suspicious
Minds" ...Sam!
SAM: Who is Elvis Presley.
HOST: Correct, choose a category.
SAM IT! take Famous Entertainers for
400.
Please see MATSUNE, page 3
Just when you thought it was safe
Just what you thought it was safe to have sex with
condoms, along comes Masters and Johnson.
Tbe famous husband and wife sex research pioneers
have turned the world of AIDS research topsy-turvy
with (heir new book, "Crisis: Heterosexual Behavior in
the Age of AIDS."
Tbe book comes to some astounding conclusions.
Not tbe least of which is the idea that AIDS can be
spread through "deep kissing." I'm not writing with
tongue in cheek tbe book really does say you can
catch AIDS from kissing.
Nasty AIDS germs live in sali va where they fester
and wait for tbe easiest possible mute into an awaiting
mouth. Besides that, kissing with cats on your tongue
and lips—bleeding into someone's mouth—-is
especially deadly in (be case of "soul" or "French"
kissing-—thai is, deep, tongue-probing, saliva-mixing
kisses. ■- "■ "*"'"■■ ■"'- ■ ■' -
Of course, this is all just theoryT Several' people;
including the Surgeon General, believe AIDS can only
be transmitted through sex, dirty needles, blood
transfusions and birth. But hey, I don't think you'll
catch my tongue probing any foreign mouths in the
near future.
Besides deep-tongue, M and J. theorize tbe deadly
HIV virus can be contracted through toilet seats,
mosquito bites, open wounds and of all things,
TOUCH FOOTBALL GAMES.
Now why did they have to pick on America's favorite
sport? They might as well have told me I could get
AIDS from my grandmother's famous split pea soup.
Afterall, Grandma could accidentally drool in the soup.
And who knows where Grandma goes on ber off hours.
When you can catch a deadly disease from touch
football, nobody is above suspicion.
My flag football league will inevitably have to be
canceled. One thing is for sure, they're going to be
short one offensive lineman next weekend. I mean, if
Graridma can't be trusted, I sure as hell don't want some
rabid defensive tackle spraying'his AfDS-infected saliva
all over me.
As for relieving myself, I have already soaked the
porcelain bow] in my apartment with three gallons of
Oorox bleach. From here on out, proof of having taken
an AIDS test will be required to use the bathroom. It
may be a little inconvenient for my sloppy beer
drinking buddies, but those slobs will just have to use
the outdoor plumbing.
Mosquito bites represent a much more intriguing
problem. My reservations for the Kenya semester have
already been canceled. I don't intend to have my life
wiped out by a blood-sucking parasite. I've also ordered
the latest in nylon mosquito net suitwear for next
summer when the little buggers attack Fresno in
droves.
The "Crisis" doesn't simply stop with new and
intriguing ways to contact a killer disease. Oh no,
Please see BLOOD, page 3
The Daily Collegian
JoAnn Baltau - Editor in Chief
Lisj Kim Bach -Managing Editor
Tracy Coma - News Editor
Anna Daza - Copy Editor
Sharon Kuan - Ad Manager
Kenny Low - Business Manager
Jon Matsune - Sports Editor
Kurt Hegre - Photo Editor
Ron H ol man - Asst Photo Editor
Rob Evans -Graphics Editor
Susie Tombs - Ad Production Mgr.
Jeff Markarian - Asst. Business Mgr.
T. James Madison - Entertainment Editor
Richard McCue - Staff Artist
Staff Writers- Donnell Alexander, Jana Lee Briscoe, Barry Grove, Lots
Henry, Kendall Kerr, Maryann Milligan, Linh Nguyen, Angela Valdivia,
Jennifer Whiteley
Sports Writers - Steve Fountain, Lee Passmore, Jim Proulx, Brian Veneski
Photographers - Akemi Miyama, Lane Turner
Advertising Reps - Eric Anderson, Jeff Bauman, Roderick Chow, Tony
Martin, Dave Spencer
Circulation - Bill Lerch Distribution - Steve Fountain
VxUMilyGiatt** btpublathcd by the Awctted Student) of CSUF and the newspaper iuft dtily except Stturdayi.
Sundayiejaaninaijm weei and uniwrstty holiday* The newspaper office la located in the Keao Campua Building:
Ffflm California 93740. EdteriaJ line 2H-24W; Newi line: 294-J487; Buslm and AdmtWng: S4-2M6. TtalWy
CoflefaBi Ii a member of the Cillfamli Irtircolleglair Pm AaacOation. Subscription! air avallabfc by mall for
Sl'-SOperjeinesterorjJOpeTyeer. The oplriceii published on this page n no) neceaaailly thaw si TluDmb/Cat
bfira orNxtaff. Unsigned editorials an the opinion ot the pi peri editorial board
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breathed
BLOOM COUNTY
JTOOyfflWil
&*M/K£ |
