1988_02 The Daily Collegian February 1988

              P*g< 2   Friday, February 26,1988
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Reader
Response
to The Daily Collegian is welcome. Please
send letters of no more than 250 words to
77ie Daily Collegian, Keats Campus Building California State University Fresno, Fresno, California 93740-0042. Letters must be
signed and have the author's name, telephone number, and address.
Non-compatibility
Dear Editor.
Usually I don't write these kind of
letters. I go about my business and try to
get through school.
But enough is enough! 1 read Ron
Wells' letter today lambasting Mike Wise
and it struck a chord.
I have been reading "Wise Guy" since it
first appeared last semester. Mike had this
way of combining thought, sentiment,
real life and real humor that made me
think. I didn't get mad, I didn't feel like he
was preaching to me like some columnists do, 1 just thought about what he
wrote and it always, no matter if it was
bad or good, brightened up my Hay.
And now some bozo comes along and
says he's glad Mike is gone. I have a lot
of friends in fraternities and even they told
me they liked Mike's article. Above all, I
thought it was fair and well-balanced.
I have a feeling there's more people out
there who agree with me. If you do, get
BLOOM COUNTY
off your lazy butts and write a letter. 1
want Wise Guy back, I'll sign a petition.
Ill write more letters. I'll call him up and
ask him myself. Honestly, it was the
highlight of my week, and to think Wednesday there'll be something else in his
space really bugs me.
As for you, Mr. Wells, I think we
should sign a petition and have you removed from office. You're a poor excuse
for a fraternity person and I do hope your
sorority sisters realize what a sad state the
lnterfraterniiy Council is really in. I cant
believe they would have a narrow-minded
geek—I mean Greek—representing them.
You must really learn to govern your
passions, Mr. Wells, when someone
doesn't agree with you. By creating black
and white sides of the issue, you just compound the problem. Personally, I thought
the insert idea was good. I wouldn't read
it, but every entity is entitled to its own
freedom of speech. That's the Greeks. Mr.
Wells, you excluded. And shut up!
Hoping Wise Guy returns,
James Gladden
by Berke Breathed
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FOX A
Jon Matsune
Lately, a couple of our beloved evangelists have acted rather "unevangelicaJ." In
other words, Jim Bakker and Jimmy
Swaggart sinned like a pair of bloodsuckers from Hades.
As a result, a lot of people are becoming mistrustful of evangelists as a whole;
and some drastic steps are necessary to
save the credibility of the "godly" art
It's my opinion that this can be done if
evangelists "let it all hang out." If they
run around, mess around and sleep around
before, after and during their
"performances." In other words, they
should act like rock stars. After all, Bakker and Swaggart have already set a good
precedent.
At the beginning of his hour-long
shows, any given evangelist could strut
onstage followed by a four-piece band and
a trio of backup dancers dressed in leather
and chains.
The evangelist,, with his David Lee
Roth hair flowing freely and lhe Bible
lucked tightly in hand, could shout at the
top of his lungs: "All right) Let's make
some noise."
Immediately, the band could break into
the riff of a hit called "Onward Christian
Bloodsuckers from Hades," and the evangelist could thrust his pelvis at the crowd
and then turn around and shake his posterior.
That number could be followed by
another smash tune, perhaps known as
"You Shook Me All Sermon Long."
After that, the bouncers could pass around
the offering plate to the sound of "Shout
at the Messiah."
The evangelist could then say "Thank
you, very much; you're @#*!$% great,"
and then lead the crowd-congregation in
prayer
"Dear Lord, we thank you for blessing
us with one of the test damned musicians
in the worid. Thai's Eddie Valkyrie on
lead guitar. Let's really hear ii for hinj."
Following the rjerformance of three
more big mis—"Running With the Apostles," "Jehovah on My Back" and "Whole
Lotta God"—the evangelist could break
into his sermon:
"You know, a lot of people out there
will be trying to take you down and make
you sin, But you gotta be strong. Tell
those gbns of %$Wtt@! to &*@M$ off!
Those kind of people suck. Say it with
me. Bless the Lord Bless the Lord! Bless
lhe *<£#!%& Lord!"
The evangelist could then proceed to
bring the house down with his all-time
biggest hit:
A nail through the hand
And you're to blame
You give God a bad name
Upon the final chord of that song, a
famous female singer could lake the stage
and sing a duet with the evangelist. It
could be called "I Think It Would Be Better If We Prayed Together."
The evangelist and his band could then
leave lhe stage and shouts of "Encore! Encore!" could be heard from the
crowd/congregatiori.
After pounding down a couple beers
and smoking a hooter backstage, the
evangelist could retake the stage and bust
into Tor Those About to Pray," "You
Really Blessed Me" and "Get Off of My
Pew."
True to form, the evangelist could
again pass out the offering plates and then
leave the stage, shouting "Thank you all,
you're •&•*%%* great!"
Now, I know that a lot of evangelists
out mere have expressed a deep hatred for
rock music, but a couple of those people
were the same ones who expressed a deep"
hatred for adultery.
I think evangelists would be great rock
stars. They're tailor-made for it. They like
to shout. They like to show off. And they
probably like to *&*%% around.
Jon Matsune's column appears every
FHday in The Daily Collegian.
For the
Record.
In the story "Astone, Silveria deny charges" in the
Feb. 25 edition of The Daily Collegian, Thomas
Boyle was refered to as assistant dean. Boyle is
Associate Dean of Student Affairs. Factual errors
in The Collegian can be brought to our attention
by calling 294-2486 or writing to us at the Keats
CampusBuikiing, California State University,
Fresno, Fresno, California 93740-0042.
The Daily Collegian
JoAnn Baltau - Editor in Chief
Lisa Kim Bach - Managing Editor
Tracy Cornea - News Editor
Anna Daza - Copy Editor
Sharon Kuan - Ad Manager
Kenny Low - Business Manager
Jon Matsune - Sports Editor
Kurt Hegre - Photo Editor
Ron Holman - Asst. Photo Editor
Rob Evans - Graphics Editor
Susie Tombs - Ad Production Mgr.
Jeff Markarian - Asst. Business Mgr.
T.James Madison - Entertainment-Editor
Richard McCue - Staff Artist
Staff Writers - Donnell Alexander, Jana Lee Briscoe, Mike Butwell, Barry
Grove, Lois Henry, Kendall   Keir, Maryann   Milligan, Linh Nguyen,
Angela Valdivia, Jennifer Whiteley
Sports Writers - Steve Fountain, Lee Passmore, Jim Proubc, Brian Veneski
Photographers - Akemi Mi ya ma, Lane Turner
Advertising Reps - Eric Anderson, Jeff Bauman, Roderick Chow, Tony
Martin, Dick Spencer
Circulation - Bill Lerch Distribution - Steve Fountain
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