1988_01 The Daily Collegian January 1988

              Page 2  Priday, January 29,19&8
Opinion
McCue's View
CALENDAR
Eatrtft* for Hrarrural Bowfing
are avatfabfe now through Jan. 29.
For more information contact North
Gym 109. DEADLINE Is Jan. 29.
Entries'tor Intramural Basket-
ba* wi be available Jan. 25~Feb.
4. For more information, contact
North Gym 109. DEADLINE is Feb
4.
Picture* of the winrtng teams
tor Fal "87 Wramural sports and
some action snots are available in
North Gym 109 Monday-Friday,
IromSa.m —5p.m
TIM   National   Student   Ex*
daadtoe for
ts       Feb.       26.
intormaiton is avaitabie in Thomas
110,
The Hispanic Business
Student Association w» meet
in College Union 310 at 5 p.m.
Monday, Feb. 1 AD are welcome.
The Chlcano Hearth
Organization wi meet In San
Ramon  4,   Rm.   220  at   5  p.m.
Monday. Feb. 1.
Chlcanos In law wilt hold a
meeting Tuesday, Feb. 2 fti
Colege Union 310 at 4 p.m. Guest
speaker wtH be Carmen Romero
from the Fresno County Legal
£tfiftoaj£ ■
There will be a Poly Scl/
PuWc Administration meeting
In Social Science 110 at 4 p.m
Tuesday, Feb. 2.
The   MaWMMonej   Club   wi
have a general nieeung today in
Colege Union 312-314 at 4 p.m.
and     rkon-members
wi be held by   the Canterbury
Christian Fellowship Wednesday,
Feb. 3 hCtX311Aat12r10pjn.
Alt the  catnpus community  is
The GLSA wi hotd a business
nwufltig Saturday, in Colege
Unton 309 at n am
The U.S. College Comedy
Competition wi take place m
the Bucket at 8 pun. on Friday,
Feb 5.AonTfesiontsfree.
The Daily Collegian
JoAnn Baltau - Editor in Chief
Lisa Kim Bach-Managing Editor
Tracy Conra- News Editor
Amu Daza -Copy Editor
Sharon Kuan-Ad Manager
Kenny Low-Business Manager
Jon Mataune-Sports Editor
Kurt licgre-Pnoto Editor
RonHolxnan- Asst. Photo Editor
Rob Evara -GraphicsEditor
S us ie Tombs - Ad Production Mgr.
Jeff Markarian- Asst. Business Mgr.
T. James Madison ■ Entertainment Editor
RkhardMcCue- Staff Artist
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Michael for Pres—
this guy is bad
L;^,,""y:;!!;*-*
atsune
Something is seriously wrong with
this country when we can't even find a
bonafide frontrunner in the presirJerual
race.
Gary Hart would be a true frontrunner
if he wasn't so heavily involved in
maintaining a high level of morals.
George Bush would be a true frontrunner
if he didn't show such extreme grace
underpressure.
Jack Kemp? No way, a rnediocre actor
was bad enough. What we don't need is a
mediocre quarterback. Albert Gore? I
don't think so. He once smoked
marijuana; and his wife wants to censor
rock lyrics. The Reverends Pat
Robertson and Jesse Jackson? How
about separation of church and state?
Michael Dukakis? Don't know
anything about him. Bruce Babbit!7
Don't know anything about him. Paul
Ssmon? Don't know anything about him
(isn't he the guy who wrote "Sounds of
Silence"?).
What we need is somebody
recognizable. You know, someone who
commands respect at the slightest
mention of his or her name. Someone
like Michael Jackson.
You might think this is a crazy idea,
but I tell you, the guy is bad — and
this country can certainly use a bad
president Michael Jackson has ail the
ingredients. Well, almosL
It's true that Michael Jackson might
have the Secret Service install a
bulletproof oxygen tank in the White
House bedroom, but that's a small price
to pay for a president that can "outflair"
Raisa Gorbachev.
It's true lhat Michael Jackson might
make some extreme budget cuts to
gather enough money for purchase of the
Elephant Man's bones, but if he takes it
out of the military funds, it might be a
giant step towards arms reduction.
It's true that Michael Jackson might
have Bubbles the Chimpanzee as his
vice president, but who's to worry?
George Bush lasted eight years.
And everybody loves Michael
Jackson. He could step right in the
middle of the Persian Gulf War and get
the Iranians and Iraqis to dance in unison
to "Beat It"
He could have Congress stop
bickering and get all the reps to dance in
unison to his thumping new R 4 B
version of "Hail to the Chief!"
In short, things both interna] and
external would be surrounding by pure,
[inescapable harmony.
Secretary of State Diana Ross and
Secretary of the Interior Quincy Jones
would be joined on the Cabinet by
Jermaine. Marlon, Tito, Jackie, Randy,
LaToya, Rebie and Janet.
You might think this is a crazy idea,
but I tell you, the guy is bad — and
this country can certainly use a bad
president.
And boy would Michael Jackson be a
bad president. He would be able to
make a trip to Washington D.C. look
like a trip to Disneyland.
The Secret Service agents patrolling
'he White House lawn would have to
wear Mickey Mouse suits, and the
Marine Color Guard would be dressed up
as Bugs Bunny.
Air Force One would be have a giant
smily face painted below the nose. The
presidental helicopter would be made out
to look like Kermit the Frog. The
presidential limousines would have
Michael's other glove draped over the
left antenna.
Most people probably think that
Michael Jackson isn't the least bit
qualified to be President of the United
States, but he's a much better singer and
dancer than Ronald Reagan was an actor
And Bubbles the Chimpanzee (provided
he's toilet trained) would probably be a
great vice president.
After all, what uo vice presidents do
anyway? I actually think Bubbles would
look preuy good presiding over the
Senate.
So there's my vote — Michael and
Bubbles *88. You might think this is a
crazy idea, but I tell you the guy is bad
— and this country can certainly use a
bad president.
Jon Matsune's column appears every
Friday in The Daily Collegian.
Reader
Response
to The Daily Collegian is welcome. Please
send letters of no more than 250 words to
The Daily Collegian, Keats Campus Building California State University Fresno, Fresno, California 93740-0042. Letters must be
signed and have the author's name, telephone number, and address.
You call yourself a columnist?
Dear Editor,
It's discouraging to see Tbe Collegian
give precious space to an alleged columnist who thinks a good editorial consists of name-calling, insults and profanity. In your Jan. 26 issue, Cael
Weston addressed the ridiculous request of
the greeks to be given the same consideration as minorities in Collegian supplements. Unfortunately, Weston
completely missed the point and instead
brought into question bis qua! ificauons as
a "columnist"
The absurdity of the greek request lies in
tbe blatant disregard for the purpose of
such minority programs. Generally, the
greeks are members of the mainstream
socioeconom ic power and have illustrated
an incredible naivete with this request.
(I'm  giving  them  tbe benefit of the
doubt)
Cael Weston, rather than addressing this
point, chose to assail a social group with
which, it seems, he has a personal problem. The greeks, however misguided, deserve an intelligent rebuttal rather than
pointless and childish name-calling.
Weston also showed total' insensitivity
to the minority issue by not recognizing
the unique needs of our minority population at CSUF.
Lastly, but most irnportandy, for lack
of anything intelligent to say, Westen resorted to petty sarcasm and insulted the
riardest working people at CSUF: the
mainienance staff
Judging by tbe content of Weston's
column, perhaps all the greeks with
tobotomics should be sent off to The Collegian to work as co 1 umni sts.
Kendra Matson