1971_04 The Daily Collegian April 1971

              vwA.T.' I/* PRESIPEMT 8**XS"nR..THE.\
BOARD OF D'RECnDBS AND V HfcML
ISSUED A VAJfSRNllsJG- WHVCH
"BftRS ALL/AET£0**£ FRO/A
•.Tuoorr o<wt>r4«
NJOVW   DOMT vjJ ORRN ! NAJfcOE.
CREATED A SPECIAL
COM ITTE-E- Tto OEAL twlTh
\ K.NOU)   UOHEM Ttt G£T,
our of5tvhs ptAqLl
Board of Pubs
okays more
special editions
By Bunny Bigot
A stormy and long Board on
Publications meeting ended yesterday with the approval of more
than a dozen new "special editions" of the Dally CoUegian.
Board Chairman Stan Snort-
stuff
tli.it ii
celved requests for the special
editions over the past few weeks
and had been asked by ASB President Larry "the copper" Gog-
grucchl to put the Items on yesterday's agenda.
•Coggrucchl,* said Snortstuff,
'asked that ail minorities have a
special edition, and I thought that
since I'm a frat man and a campus sex ngure, lt was only right
that we hash lt out at.the Board
meeting."
roveljl w;
Irish students, which will be
called "Greeftte Grunt." The Irish
edition will be edited by Vincent
"Pope" Lavatory, and will feature news from the Belfast riots
and   the   Londonderry archdio-
The Italian edition, "Thattsa
Spicy Meataball" will appear on
alternate Fridays In order to facilitate the wrapping of fish. It
will be edited by Goggrucchl and
Nat DlRlcearonl.
The German and Polish editions have been consolidated under one hannerhead, *The Third
Reich Expansion," and will carry
news of an ASB funded search
for Adolph Hitler, who Is believed
io be a relative of a former FSC
President.
The Asian edition will be edited
hy Mao Tse Jones, a Vietnamese
foreign student with help from Lt.
William Calley. Their first issue
•Me Lie, You Lie, We All Lie
About My Lai".
The FSC faculty edition and the
Athletic Dept. editions have also
merged and will be called, "Dung
Dirt Times.* It will be co-edited
by Eddie "The Chrome Dome*
k.rewsick and Dell (Ilarley) Davidson. Farm reports from radio
station KRAP of DInuba will also
\fe printed. Sources say that the
Dung Dirt Times may also be
used as marijuana plant fertilizer
in keeping with the staff's ecology
RAZZBERRY
ntroversy, i
e bl -
hly
•Thomas Building Tattler and
Tlddllewlnks Express*. This paper will feature newsof the Executive Committee meeUngs and
will have an advice column from
Relchsfuhrer Bumpster himself
on «How to enhance your rhetoric
A Campus Crusade for J.C.
edition was approved with the featured Items including free cutouts of the cniclflctlon*. Also, In
this edition, which wtll be titled
■The Doubting Thomas* (no reflection on the Thomas Administration Building), will be a column
entitled "Mother Mary: Only Her
Hairdresser/Knows For Sure .."
Not to be left out, the Provisional Siudent Government edt-
the banner "Lotta S--T Commln'
Down" was chosen. Larry "The"
Louse* will edit this rag.
political or pressure groups who
feel that they should have a special edition «»re urged to contact
Stan Snortstuff in his offlce in ,
the Dairy uplt between the hours"
of 2 and 3 p.m. on tho second
Tuesday of each week. Snortstuff
may .'.so be contacted at the "I
Felta Thigh" house or drinking
ie Undergraduate.
sDay
Dear Scabby
By Scabby Squeal
Dear Scabby:
I'm just at wit's end. My boyfriend, whom I love dearly, left me to ■
become engaged to my best friend and I Just found out I am pregnant.
My parents disowned me and I got kicked out of the dorms. Please 1
What should I do? signed: K.U.
Dear K.U.
Slash your wrists.
Dear Scabby:
This letter Is
trouble with the
really mind that
How can I tell
feelings.
about my parents. Ever since I was born I've had
n. Now I've caught them smoking my dope. I don't
much except that 1 can*Xafford to buy myself more.
hem that I wish they wouldn't, without hurting their
signed: Coming down fast
Dear Coming,
Call the Narc-
and hav
Mhem bus
Dear Scabby:
My professor keeps dropping his pencil on the floor and picking
It up. I sit right In front of him and I'm afraid that he's peeking up
my dress. How shall I confront him with this or at least get him to
stop.                                                                         signed: Up Tight
Aggie Playmate of the Month
n keep his pencil up, you've got nothing to worry
j Scabby Sadist c/o The Dally