1974_01 The Daily Collegian January 1974

              8    THE DAILY COUEGIAN
Fri., Jm. 11,1974
t    ■
Enemies list
Baaketcaae and Boken made tbe
Uat - even though they are rumored to be "close personal
friends' of Schmudt — because
they feel they "should be on any
Uat that might be published,
flushed or otherwise made available for widespread use."
(Baaketcaae and Boken sent
letters of thanks to Schmudt for
his consideration In putting them
on the list.)
Sanoflush, number three on the
list, was charged with "gross
and negligent reporting of A.S.S.
activities* by Schmudt In a separate   memorandum  sent to the
The letter said in part ". . .
Sanoflush just doesn't like me,
he's always trying to make me
look foolish In that leftist leaning
rag he writes for - the Weakly
Collegian.*
Schmudt singled out Ms barber
for special mention In the list.
It's been rumored that Sclimudt
want to the campus barber for
hla dally manicure and the barber suggested Schmudt try
•washing his face." I    ■.
(Schmudt haa been secretly-
trying to grow a mustache since
tbe fifth grade and he conaldered
the barber's helpful hint as "poking "fun at my naturally curly
'atache.")
Beagle was placed on the ene-
. mles list after he refused to
give Schmudt a private pass key
to the men's executive restroom. '
Beagle said Schmudt had been ,
caught scribbling graflttl on the
wall   of   his   elementary  grade
•wash the chocolate milk off his
upper lip."
But Beagle defendedSchmudt's
integrity and said he "probably
had nothing lo do with the secret
So What
(Continued ft
Ingdi
is face.
i> Page 1)
Schmudt, also campus enforcer
for the Students to Save the King
Committee, said he Is certain
that an unbiased Investigation of
the scandal by the senate will
prove him Innocent.
he aald confidently. "I'm leaving
for larael the first day of finals.*
Schmudt blamed lagging coupon
book sales on "vicious, distorted
and hysterical" reporting of the
situation by the news media. He
denied rumors that the A.S.S. Is
making exorblUnt profits from
"So What" sales. Almost 90 per
cent of the gross proceeds have
been "gobbled up by the turkeys
In charge of publicity," he
crowed.
During the two months of the
s list."
victim
Sanoflush
of vicious and distorted reporting
by the Yearly Collegian," Beagle
growled, "besides Schmudt would
committee towrltelhellstdown."
"Cod   knows  he couldn't have
the   letter,   snapped,   "What
Common Cold set for Ag Dept.
COMMON COLD-The Fresno
Chapter of Common Cold, a political organization, will meet next
week "out back o' the bawrn down
thar In the Ag Department.*
The meeting, under the leadership of Donald L. Baiter, part-
.   time reporter and(now)full-time
obnoxious    gas    salesman,   will
Also on the agenda will he a
short locture and slide show on
the plight of Fresno's downtrodden bean addicts. Anyone Interested In furthering the rauseof
all oppressed Individuals ts aski'd
to attend - providing, of course,
that they bring their own beans.
Campus safe
says Nuke
Tense about the Mid-East crisis? Communist aggression In
Southeast Asia got you down?
There's no need to worry — the
CSUF campus Is well protected.
Eleven nuclear missile silos-
have been discovered beneath the
CSUF vineyard north of Barstow.
I.I. Col. Nuke Holocost, head
of the campus Air Force ROTC,
commented on this happy set of
circumstances. "Students can
rest assured thai the holocaust
won't catch us off guard."
Asked whether the location of
the missiles would make CSUF a
likely target In the event of a
nuclear war, Holocost replied,
"Are you kidding? Heck, with all
this firepower, the Communists
are downright scared of Fresno,
California.  They  wouldn't  dare
Although target Information Is
highly classified, H's suspected
that the majority of the eleven
missiles are pointed toward tar-
! 0£M
sales campaign mora than 14,000
students have purchased the red,
white and blue booklets at aprlce
of $75 per book. Schmudt said the
senate Is considering lowering
tbe price on the latest books, because gf the "subsundard" printing Job.
Executive publicity director,
Slpanother Martini, said the sales
goal has been set at 25,000. He
said he was aware that the enrollment waa not that high but expressed hope the "So What" book-
leu would attract more atudenU
to the campus during the spring
semester.
"We've had a lot of requests for
the coupon books from people In
the community, but our contract
specifically sUUs they can be
sold only to students," said Martini. "It's a real shame because
we had a great offer from Al
Among the bargains Included In
the "So What" package are: a free
fishing license entitling the purchaser to catch one blue marlln
In the water founUln In front of
the bookstore, an autographed
crayon sketch of A.S.S. vice-
president Dave Dlvlngboard, a
free luncheon in the faculty bathroom, a season pass to the Bulldog's 1973 football games, three
medium-sized zucchlni-garbarulo
pizzas at any local outlet of the
Small Rat pizza parlor, and one
hour of fun and games at either
the peanut Patch on Highway 99
or life blg-tlme wrestling match
locker room at Selland Arena'
(take your pick), and one three-
second handshake with the student
senator of your choice.
•We never want to lose conUct
with the studenu or forget
our humble beginnings,* said
Schmudt.
Boraxo
(Continued from Page 1) j
Boraxo continued, "How do you 3
think I feel when a V.l.p. from |
Holiday tnn or Liberty Mutual 1
calls me up and complains ba- j
cause the CoUeglan haa called ]
him an energy offender? I feel]
embarraesed, that'a how r feel, j
And that'a why I'm getting rid j
of you — because you embarrass I
"Look what I've done for this 1
campus. I took a bunch of snotty- '
nosed roughnecks and turned]
them Into docile, apathetic stu-
denUI I threw out all the beatnik 1
commie   Instructors. I've  even
Board of Directors with a candy-]
assed majority of non-students."
And now I'm going to get rid
the last pocket of dissent c
campus -, the Dally Collegian *|
Boraxo was  now talking at
it the cam]
I give a hang a
press' Independence o
responsibility? Not on your 11 ,1
Jack. I know the Collegiancou -j
n'l survive a month without st - j
dent' body funds. -But we r
those fundsforafootballsUdlu .|
That's what being a unlvers
president Is allabout-Footbal
Boraxo collapsed into a stu
again. Their every suspicion c
firmed, the editors amused the -j
selves by feeding him a bow •"
of Little Frlskies fish fUvor.I
They then transported Boraxo nj
a polyester sleeping bag to al
field on the southwest corner of
Barstow and Cedar t
sleep It off.
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