1978_05 The Daily Collegian May 1978

              Contributor's
Issue
Mayl,
1978
Satire: Sex, the Mafia and Mike Wallace
IJournalists would kill for these stories
life.
The hotel room was dark and stuffy
jid 1 couldn't smoke or read to pass
he time because they'd smell the
ilgarette or see the light when they
■ot tack.   After three hours of waiting
finally heard a key in the lock. I
■lipped quietly Into a closet and crouch-
jlankrts, betting that tbe warm L.A.
■venlnf and the heat of their desire would
* erxiufli (o keep them from needing more
;0vers tint night. Jimmy was Chatteris atoil nosey reporters as they en-
ered,     :  clicked on  my pocket tape
'■Did vou see that one guy who kept
olio*",!],: me around the party? He
orjk notes on every beer I drank, every
toman 1 talked  to, every swear word
'■But Jimmy, It's his Job, Just like
t's vi>ur job to beat the guy oa the
iter side of the net."
"I'm  iietter   at  my  Job than he  ls
' That's not all we're good at."
"11 they only  knew.    Well, practice
rakes perfect, the same as In tennis."
'Ant!   you've   got all the  strokes."
'■Shall we rally a bit before we play?"
"If   icu're   sure   It   won't  tire   you
"I'm In great shape.  Won't you ever
"Sure. In fact, tbey should often come
tat Just let me..."
a tiny clock drawn at the bot-
age 2 of my morning paper.
■ pointed to 3, which meant
contact wanted to meet me at
I morning.    I called Carl lm-
Thoiight  wants  to talk.   To-
te- what's on his mind?"
only   guess,  but   I suspect
er's ready to move and we'll
to prepare a story."
c talk about Zumwalt, Gould,
-fern you get back."
.m.  I was In parking lot
always met. Deep Thought
JO late ence.    I hoped this
■ ™™'' r* the second time because it
,,: """I cold.    He and I were old
rlends from Southern Calif or-
ad come to Fresno two years
often helped steer me right
talf-baked leads  that always
B Investigative reporting.   He
' >   the   Joyal AdminlstraUon
nd had access  to -lasslfied
i from botii the President's
the Academic Senate.  Power
■strp- i!
Shown above
Osborne--who   may
the five sto.-les on this page.
plays in theupperadmlnlstrationseemed
to be of special Interest to him. Deep
Thought was a professional and could
not stand for political or personal
vendettas Interfering with competentad-
mlnlstratlon.
At 3:15 I saw his 3aJ_»t!gure silhouetted under the campus lights as be
approached bundled In a ski jacket and
scarf. We lit cigarettes and exchanged
uneasy pleasantries. I forgot to feel the
cold.   Finally, he looked me In the eye.
"The ax will faU oa Friday," he said.
"Who wiU it be?"
"I think you know, Not Amaro or
Jackson.    Tbe rest will be expected."
"What will be  the official erplana-
"Incompetence
with a
hint of insub-
rdinatiou."
"Is Volpp In on
"Ican'tteUyoi
"Can I guess?'
His look told
me tha
I could, so
Hon.
"Baxter," I began, "doesn't like the
Christmas Card he got from the deans,
and he thinks they ail talk about him
at department parties. He's decided
to clean house, and he's got some Important men and Information to back
him, such as..."
It was the wedding day of Luclana
Gutierrez, beautiful diughter of Adolpho
Gutierrez,  and  I  was   Invited to the
outdoor reception because I had defended
two ot the Don's sons a w'dle hack.
Tm an honest lawyer or I wouldn't
be here telling you this. But they paid
me well and I didn't ask about things
that didn't concern the case. Besides,
everyone deserves counsel, right? I
got the boys off with probation and the
Gutierrez family was grateful.
Anyway, the wedding reception was a
major affair: two mariachi bands wandering the grounds, tables of food everywhere, vats of beer and wine every few
feet. The guests had all parked their
cars In a field nearby, then checked
In through a line of security guards
before walking up the hlU to the Don's
mansion. The party was going full speed
when I arrived.
It wasn't long before I had drunk
too much beer and didn't think it proper
to relieve myself on the lawn. So I
snuck inside the house and found a bath-
was there I heard some other people
en'er the den. Then I heard the scraping of chairs, the cUnking of glass, and
the low murmer of solemn voices. 1
opened tbe bathroom door a crack to
see who It was. I know It sounds
incredible, but there was the Governor
bowing low In front of Gulterrez, kissing his ring and saying, "I need a favor,
Godpadre." The Don poured a glass
of brandy for each of them before
sitting down. "Of course, hljo," he
said. "I never forget toreturnafavor."
4) Proof that the Army used Clovis
citizens as human guinea pigs In the
early "JO'S to test strange new drugs.
wthattr
operation from the CIA, i
California town of ClovLs to test potent
drugs created for use In chemical wir-
bre. These drugs (d neuroticus, poly-
vacuocranlum, and imbecllemene) are
known to destroy all ganglia controlling
higher reasoning and advanced cognitive
processes in the brain. The Army
was eager to record social reaction to
the regression and atavism triggered by
the chemicals. The drugs were poured
into the Clovis water supply from 1970
to 1972, and the citizens were watched
closely  for  the five years following.
The Army claims that no trace of
aberfant or bizarre behavior has been
noted In the Clovis area. Residents
of nearby Fresno interviewed concerning the plight of their neighbors have
said, "They've always acted like that."
When contacted by phone, the Mayor
of   Clovis   had no coherent comment.
5) Proof that Mike Wallace accepted
money from a large corporation with
the understanding that be not feature
the source or the payments on a "60
Minutes" expose.
Evidence has surfaced that Mike Wallace, relentless Investigative reporter
for CBS-TV, accepted bribes of $50,000
along with numerous gifts and benefits
from Dow Chemical Co. provided he
avoid mentioning their poUuting practices on his show.
(Please I
ntopg. 4)