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-Th. Fresno Stat. Clkso. Collegia Eejtoriel Comments A Wise Decision; A Wise Reason? Of The End Wisely, the California State College board of trustees has voted to leave with the president of each college the decision of permitting Communists to speak on its campus. The board approved a resolution by chairman Louis H. Heilbron directing the colleges to continue or develop the policy most appropriate for each to assure that outside speakers brought to the campus will contribute to educa¬ tional values, the pursuit of truth, and citizenship values. Heilbron's resolution came after the state college chan¬ cellor, Dr. Buell G. Gallagher submitted a report based on six months of study and observation. He said it led to the clear conclusion that "subversive efforts within the campuses of the state colleges are almost non existent, and in the rare instances over the years in which such effort may have been re|as R.t a h^a |[fe w,( m attempted, the colleges themselves have successfully AH* ^ „ '^ aew w .h|8 ^.ration ^.^ here effectively defeated these efforts. It should not be a matter of defeating those efforts. It should be a matter of those efforts being wasted on a sound, broad-minded student body. It's too bad that the board of trustees did not lea^e the decision up to the individual colleges because it felt the students would not be receptive to such' speakers. Instead, it merely shifted the responsibility to the individual college president. If the college president outlaws such speakers, he doesn't have faith in the students; if he permits such speakers, he is faced with the wrath of the community. Ccllefian Quote* The flnjinninij Mandatory Insurance? Following is an editorial from radio station KFRE in Fresno: Fresno State College officials have asked the state college board of trustees to consider making health insurance mandatory for all students. According to the college, the move is necessary because some of the students who become ill or have accidents cannot afford medical care. The college also suggests an alternative: It would allow each college to assess a health insurance fee on a local option basis. It is assumed that this means at the "option" of th< college ... not the students. It is obvious that the move is intended to "protect" the students. And, it is equally obvious that the college feels the students don't have enough sense to "protect" themselves. We do not quarrel with the idea of protection. The student who learns early to provide for and protect himself in the face of the unknown . . . learns an important lesson. It is equally important to differentiate between protection that is sought and protection that is applied. Perhaps the students will question the validity of the college diagnosis. Perhaps they will wonder if protection by legislation or decree is the way of a free society. The siren song of conformity is being sung on key to a growing audience. Subordination of the will of the individual to the will of the state or its duly appointed agencies, is the widen' ing crack in the wall of the republic. As individuals . . . students have the right to make this decision themselves. Perhaps they won't accept amputation of the intellect. .. where minor surgery is indicated. Reality Vs. Theory The KFRE point is well taken. But we are dealing with reality and not theory. It's nice to say we should have freedom to do this, to do that, to not do that, to refuse to buy this, but the end result is that when the student without insurance finds himself unable to pay for his medical expenses he wishes someone had made him buy insurance. , The person who wrote the editorial pays unemployment insurance because he has to. If it wasn't mandatory, he probably wouldn't pay it. It is being levied for his i protection. We don't want to pay income tax, but what kind of pro¬ tection would we have without paying it? It is conformity enforced by a few for the protection of ,_.many. It's a case of the end justifying the means. McCall Elected SAE President Monty McCall. a Junior busi¬ ness administration major, la the new president of the Sigma Al¬ pha Epriilon Fraternity, succeed¬ ing Carl Kimball. Other or i iters Installed at a recent banquet are Ron Walker, vice president; Dennis Snyder, recorder; Boa Lewis, treasurer; Jay *Pleraon, chronicler; Darrell Ruby, recording secretary; Bill Passe ni. rush chairman, and Ernie Jones, pledge trainer. The new officers will serve one THE COLLEGIAN Puhli.h.d Trl-vaaily. .ic.pl ^■QTfV pariodl by tha 1'raino Slot* Celiac* i-ji ruse. ."b.cTlpllDn» K.75 - ... MSJUja '". tS.OO a »»or. Editorial XcgfX "■w'builr.aaa olfl«a localad _ . ^■sav on tha Shaw At*. Census. T.l.phon. SAldvio WI91 •**■£-< National Advertising Service, Inc. Cttkm PmUMmKttnmmteMm By Jim Church Collegian Editor . the start of a new semester. Have you .resolution yet? You'll study more, you say. You'll spend less time ln the coffee shop and more time In the library? You'll burn a little more midnight oil? But where. study desk or out on a date? Just out or finals and Into a swirling, bustling, new relax. If you relax you flunk. If you flunk you don't make things easier. It they don't help . . . well, we tried anyway. First, stay In line . . . It's better to have orga¬ nized confusion . . . Secondly, have your program booklet filled out completely. If you don't, you'll probably not rind a seat. Third, go In prepared to find all your classes filled. If only half are filled, then you'll come out feeling lucky . . . and fourth and most Important, go in with a fat pocket book. Education costs money, you know. And It you've been through this before. Just remember, there are only 12£ days until vacation. — JC — The rmit of a semester's toll was reaped last week when final grades were mailed out. Some had good harvests; others went Into scholastic bankruptcy. If you received all A's. chances are you're happy. If you Just missed making the glorious 4.0 category, console yoifrselt with the fact that many students struggle to earn Bs. If you failed to make the B average, console yourself with the fact that many students struggle to earn C's. And if you ended up on proba¬ tion, console yourself with the fact that under our educational system you'll have another chance. — JC — One Fresno State College professor won't be back handing out grades this semester. The Collegian expresses Its sentiments to the family of economics professor Dr. Floyd B. Haworth. who died ot a heart attack last Saturday In downtown Fresno. Dr. Haworth had taught here this past semester after completing 20 years at the University of Illinois. — JC — Dr. Edwin Lombard of the Speech Arts division passes along this bit of doggerel he worked up regarding his television preferences: The TV program of Dan Smoot Sure gives me one big pain acute. For fast relief, there Is this cure, Turn off the set, bo premature. — JC — ON OTHER CAMPI ■ ■ ■ College Is Many Things ONLY HUMAN . . Educator Discusses College Misbehavior CHICAGO — Instances of mis¬ conduct on college campuses will probably never be totally elimi¬ nated, college students, like everyone else, being only human. However, President W. W, Ludeman of Southern State Teachers College (Springfield 3.D.), writing in "College and University Business." offers rive suggestions to college administra¬ tors for reducing the amount of campus misbehavior to a mini- First: closer scrutiny of the college applicant's previous con¬ duct record, as well as his mental, scholastic, and physical records, in determining his acceptability. Second, full publicity should be given, via bulletin notices, Btu dent handbooks, group talks, etc. to the college or university'; stand on behavior attitudes. Third, the student government should work with the adminis¬ tration in frowning on student violations of accepted standards or conduct. Fourth, there should be closer ad visor-advisee relations with stu dent counseling placing more em phasls on behavioral'problems as well as those of an academic na¬ ture. Fifth, students guilty of chron¬ ic misbehavior should be dis¬ missed, but only as a last resort. TkOokaMryfo HOME OF TASTY FOOD AND GOOD SERVICE 3050 Blockilon. ■A 7-5805 •cEgnaaa., TNI UlLAMl Chin.,. F«*dt, St«ki o.d Oelckan 'rl.ot. Portia. Op** tor Unci, 1425 LUockitor,. Ave. AD 7-6101 AUTHINTIC MEXICAN FOOD CASA CAMAUS Olive and Palm OotatJ Smtiay AD 3-5816 HARVAN'S TRADITIONALLY FINE POODS Whara Ik* extant h ■ nilr.tr an ao.d km ftMXUmtUt JACK lATMAH/I BIA CKSTOW HOT Charcoal Broiled Statu ■rata Oar Indoor Partla) traitor 701 m. aUcxiTOHi ap a-aara d/ ckco's mini a GOOD ITAUAN FOOD Opt" 4 P.-.-3 ajH. tasty Mat* Tata Out or Wa Oatirar Sao a s 34 n. rruatsTOM AP 7-7054 TAKE OUT KITCHEN NOW SHVING IUNCH AMD DINNEM PARADISE SHOPPING CENTE* ■A 9-901 Dirw at WONG'S IUNCMES MEVirj 11 AM - 2 PM TSt W . Sfwdafiitat la MssBy State Hmw 41*> 10 PM POOD TO TAK OUT ClOMD WEDNESDAY 1414 N. VAN MBS Br the Associated Collegiate Press What is a college? Well, it's a lot of things, writes editorialist Jim Ayey In tbe Iowa SUste Dally. A college la land and buildings and the physical facilities that make It possible for people to learn. It's buildings that mean sonic thine, and that provide more than shelter from the elements. It's buildings that carry famous names, that grow in tradition through the years and become a living part of the entirety of a college. A college Is teachers. Not Just ordinary teachers, but those spe¬ cial teachers who give much more than Is required, who make the learning process pleasant and In¬ teresting. A college is students. It is that undeflnable. always changing con¬ glomeration of restless humanity which swirls and flows around the buildings and across lawns. hunting for something. Hunting for the answers to the questions of life, enjoying ihe arts, under¬ standing the world of protons and microbes, light rays and bridge beams, plant life an°d animal growth. A college Is the group of people which screams at ball games. sweats through tests, gets bleary- eyed from acres of small print In the library stacks, and occa¬ sionally blows off steam by hang¬ ing a coach In effigy or staging an Impromptu snake dance on sacred .-nil. A college Is color. It Is the flash Of the cherlesder's skirt. bright Jersey against a green Held, rippling splotches of color In the stands, and the gleam and danle of a marching-band. A college Is desire. It's the de¬ sire to play a good game, to take home a grade slip the folks will like, to gain recognition from others- It's the force that causes students to burn the hour* over seemingly endless and use lees re¬ ports and labs, and instructors who wearily try. Just one more time, to explain something to a sleepy and unresponsive class. A college Is all these things and many more. A college la tra¬ dition and spirit, test tubes and dances, sweat clothes and Ph.D.'a. It's a feeling of standing alone, all wrapped up together. It's a group of Individuals with person¬ al hopes and ambitions and a common ground ot experience. That's what a college Is. Delta Sigs Elect Long Bill Long, a Junior business major, was recently elected presi¬ dent of the Delta Sigma Phi Fra¬ ternity. Retiring president Is Gerry Hoff. Other newly elected officers are Lionel Handel, vice president; Dennis Forafccr. secretary; and Keith Mohrhusen. treasurer. New officers tor Delta Sigma I'M will serve one year. Oil Canps with iVfeSiroliTiari {Author 0/ "Rally Hound The Flag, Boys", "The Many Lose* of Debit Gtttis", etc.) THE TRUE AND TRAGICAL TALE OF HAPPY JACK SIGAFOOS Who would have thought that Happy Jack Sigafoos, the boy the sky never rained nn, would teeter on the curc of n life of crime* Certainly there was no sign of it in his boyhood. His home Ufe was tranquil and uplifting. His mother waa a nice fat lady who hummed a lot and gave baskets to the poor. His father was a respected citizen who could imitate more than 400 bird calls and once saved an elderly widow from drowning in his good suit. (That ia, Mr. Sigsiooa was in his good suit; the elderly widow waa in swimming trunks.) Happy Jack's life was nothing short of idyllic—till he went off to college. Here Happy Jack quickly became a typical freshman— tweedy, needy, and needy. He learned the joys ot rounding out his personality, and he learned the cost. His allowance vanished like dew before the rooming sun. There were times, it grieves me to report, when he didn't even have enough money for a pack of Marlboro Cigarettes—and you know how miserable lAoi can be! To be deprived of Marlboro's matchless flavor, ita easy-drawing filter, its subtly blended tastiness, its itfreshing mildness, ita ineffable excellence, ita soft pack or flip-top box- why, it ia a prospect to break the heart in twain! Marlboro-less and miserable, Happy Jack tried to get more money from home. He wrote long, impassioned letters, pointing out that tho modern, large-capacity girl simply could not be courted on his meager allowance. But all Jack got back from a getting together to build our home were tiresome homilies about thrift and prudence. Then one dark day a sinister sophomore came up to Jack and said, "For one dollar I will sell you a hat of fitjndishly clerer bee to tefl your father when you need some extra money." He gave Jack the list of fiendishly clever lies. Jack read: 2. A bunch of ua fellows are getting together to buy a head¬ stone for Rover, our late beloved dormitory watchdog. 3. A bunch of us fellows are getting together to endow a chair of Etruscan Art. 4. A bunch of us fellows a own particle accelerator. For a moment poor Jack was tempted; surely his father could not but support all these laudable causes. Then Jack's good upbringing came to the fore. He tuned to the sinister sopho¬ more and said, "No, thank you. I could not deceive my aged parent bo. And aa for you, sir, I can only say—fie I" Upon hearing this the sinister sophomore broke into a huge grin. He whipped off his black hat and pasty face—and who do you think it wasT None other than Mr. Sgafooa Happy Jack*! father, that's who I . ^"^ "Good lad I" cried Mr. Sigafoos. "You have passed your test Ixfiffiaotly.'' With that he gave Happy Jack a half million dollars in small bills and a red convertible containing power steering and four nubile maidens, . Crime does riot pay 1 -_„ Money mud girls hacen't changed Happg Jack. Except for the minor bulge In hU cashmere Jacket caused by (I) a pack ot Marlboros and (2) a box ot Jfarttoroe, he's thamirrxeoUt
Object Description
Title | 1962_02 The Daily Collegian February 1962 |
Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
Publication Date | 1962 |
Description | Daily (except weedends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif.: BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
Contributors | Associated Students of Fresno State. |
Coverage | Vol.1 no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
Language | eng |
Description
Title | February 2, 1962, Page 2 |
Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
Publication Date | 1962 |
Description | Daily (except weedends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif.: BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
Contributors | Associated Students of Fresno State. |
Coverage | Vol.1 no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
Language | eng |
Full-Text-Search | -Th. Fresno Stat. Clkso. Collegia Eejtoriel Comments A Wise Decision; A Wise Reason? Of The End Wisely, the California State College board of trustees has voted to leave with the president of each college the decision of permitting Communists to speak on its campus. The board approved a resolution by chairman Louis H. Heilbron directing the colleges to continue or develop the policy most appropriate for each to assure that outside speakers brought to the campus will contribute to educa¬ tional values, the pursuit of truth, and citizenship values. Heilbron's resolution came after the state college chan¬ cellor, Dr. Buell G. Gallagher submitted a report based on six months of study and observation. He said it led to the clear conclusion that "subversive efforts within the campuses of the state colleges are almost non existent, and in the rare instances over the years in which such effort may have been re|as R.t a h^a |[fe w,( m attempted, the colleges themselves have successfully AH* ^ „ '^ aew w .h|8 ^.ration ^.^ here effectively defeated these efforts. It should not be a matter of defeating those efforts. It should be a matter of those efforts being wasted on a sound, broad-minded student body. It's too bad that the board of trustees did not lea^e the decision up to the individual colleges because it felt the students would not be receptive to such' speakers. Instead, it merely shifted the responsibility to the individual college president. If the college president outlaws such speakers, he doesn't have faith in the students; if he permits such speakers, he is faced with the wrath of the community. Ccllefian Quote* The flnjinninij Mandatory Insurance? Following is an editorial from radio station KFRE in Fresno: Fresno State College officials have asked the state college board of trustees to consider making health insurance mandatory for all students. According to the college, the move is necessary because some of the students who become ill or have accidents cannot afford medical care. The college also suggests an alternative: It would allow each college to assess a health insurance fee on a local option basis. It is assumed that this means at the "option" of th< college ... not the students. It is obvious that the move is intended to "protect" the students. And, it is equally obvious that the college feels the students don't have enough sense to "protect" themselves. We do not quarrel with the idea of protection. The student who learns early to provide for and protect himself in the face of the unknown . . . learns an important lesson. It is equally important to differentiate between protection that is sought and protection that is applied. Perhaps the students will question the validity of the college diagnosis. Perhaps they will wonder if protection by legislation or decree is the way of a free society. The siren song of conformity is being sung on key to a growing audience. Subordination of the will of the individual to the will of the state or its duly appointed agencies, is the widen' ing crack in the wall of the republic. As individuals . . . students have the right to make this decision themselves. Perhaps they won't accept amputation of the intellect. .. where minor surgery is indicated. Reality Vs. Theory The KFRE point is well taken. But we are dealing with reality and not theory. It's nice to say we should have freedom to do this, to do that, to not do that, to refuse to buy this, but the end result is that when the student without insurance finds himself unable to pay for his medical expenses he wishes someone had made him buy insurance. , The person who wrote the editorial pays unemployment insurance because he has to. If it wasn't mandatory, he probably wouldn't pay it. It is being levied for his i protection. We don't want to pay income tax, but what kind of pro¬ tection would we have without paying it? It is conformity enforced by a few for the protection of ,_.many. It's a case of the end justifying the means. McCall Elected SAE President Monty McCall. a Junior busi¬ ness administration major, la the new president of the Sigma Al¬ pha Epriilon Fraternity, succeed¬ ing Carl Kimball. Other or i iters Installed at a recent banquet are Ron Walker, vice president; Dennis Snyder, recorder; Boa Lewis, treasurer; Jay *Pleraon, chronicler; Darrell Ruby, recording secretary; Bill Passe ni. rush chairman, and Ernie Jones, pledge trainer. The new officers will serve one THE COLLEGIAN Puhli.h.d Trl-vaaily. .ic.pl ^■QTfV pariodl by tha 1'raino Slot* Celiac* i-ji ruse. ."b.cTlpllDn» K.75 - ... MSJUja '". tS.OO a »»or. Editorial XcgfX "■w'builr.aaa olfl«a localad _ . ^■sav on tha Shaw At*. Census. T.l.phon. SAldvio WI91 •**■£-< National Advertising Service, Inc. Cttkm PmUMmKttnmmteMm By Jim Church Collegian Editor . the start of a new semester. Have you .resolution yet? You'll study more, you say. You'll spend less time ln the coffee shop and more time In the library? You'll burn a little more midnight oil? But where. study desk or out on a date? Just out or finals and Into a swirling, bustling, new relax. If you relax you flunk. If you flunk you don't make things easier. It they don't help . . . well, we tried anyway. First, stay In line . . . It's better to have orga¬ nized confusion . . . Secondly, have your program booklet filled out completely. If you don't, you'll probably not rind a seat. Third, go In prepared to find all your classes filled. If only half are filled, then you'll come out feeling lucky . . . and fourth and most Important, go in with a fat pocket book. Education costs money, you know. And It you've been through this before. Just remember, there are only 12£ days until vacation. — JC — The rmit of a semester's toll was reaped last week when final grades were mailed out. Some had good harvests; others went Into scholastic bankruptcy. If you received all A's. chances are you're happy. If you Just missed making the glorious 4.0 category, console yoifrselt with the fact that many students struggle to earn Bs. If you failed to make the B average, console yourself with the fact that many students struggle to earn C's. And if you ended up on proba¬ tion, console yourself with the fact that under our educational system you'll have another chance. — JC — One Fresno State College professor won't be back handing out grades this semester. The Collegian expresses Its sentiments to the family of economics professor Dr. Floyd B. Haworth. who died ot a heart attack last Saturday In downtown Fresno. Dr. Haworth had taught here this past semester after completing 20 years at the University of Illinois. — JC — Dr. Edwin Lombard of the Speech Arts division passes along this bit of doggerel he worked up regarding his television preferences: The TV program of Dan Smoot Sure gives me one big pain acute. For fast relief, there Is this cure, Turn off the set, bo premature. — JC — ON OTHER CAMPI ■ ■ ■ College Is Many Things ONLY HUMAN . . Educator Discusses College Misbehavior CHICAGO — Instances of mis¬ conduct on college campuses will probably never be totally elimi¬ nated, college students, like everyone else, being only human. However, President W. W, Ludeman of Southern State Teachers College (Springfield 3.D.), writing in "College and University Business." offers rive suggestions to college administra¬ tors for reducing the amount of campus misbehavior to a mini- First: closer scrutiny of the college applicant's previous con¬ duct record, as well as his mental, scholastic, and physical records, in determining his acceptability. Second, full publicity should be given, via bulletin notices, Btu dent handbooks, group talks, etc. to the college or university'; stand on behavior attitudes. Third, the student government should work with the adminis¬ tration in frowning on student violations of accepted standards or conduct. Fourth, there should be closer ad visor-advisee relations with stu dent counseling placing more em phasls on behavioral'problems as well as those of an academic na¬ ture. Fifth, students guilty of chron¬ ic misbehavior should be dis¬ missed, but only as a last resort. TkOokaMryfo HOME OF TASTY FOOD AND GOOD SERVICE 3050 Blockilon. ■A 7-5805 •cEgnaaa., TNI UlLAMl Chin.,. F«*dt, St«ki o.d Oelckan 'rl.ot. Portia. Op** tor Unci, 1425 LUockitor,. Ave. AD 7-6101 AUTHINTIC MEXICAN FOOD CASA CAMAUS Olive and Palm OotatJ Smtiay AD 3-5816 HARVAN'S TRADITIONALLY FINE POODS Whara Ik* extant h ■ nilr.tr an ao.d km ftMXUmtUt JACK lATMAH/I BIA CKSTOW HOT Charcoal Broiled Statu ■rata Oar Indoor Partla) traitor 701 m. aUcxiTOHi ap a-aara d/ ckco's mini a GOOD ITAUAN FOOD Opt" 4 P.-.-3 ajH. tasty Mat* Tata Out or Wa Oatirar Sao a s 34 n. rruatsTOM AP 7-7054 TAKE OUT KITCHEN NOW SHVING IUNCH AMD DINNEM PARADISE SHOPPING CENTE* ■A 9-901 Dirw at WONG'S IUNCMES MEVirj 11 AM - 2 PM TSt W . Sfwdafiitat la MssBy State Hmw 41*> 10 PM POOD TO TAK OUT ClOMD WEDNESDAY 1414 N. VAN MBS Br the Associated Collegiate Press What is a college? Well, it's a lot of things, writes editorialist Jim Ayey In tbe Iowa SUste Dally. A college la land and buildings and the physical facilities that make It possible for people to learn. It's buildings that mean sonic thine, and that provide more than shelter from the elements. It's buildings that carry famous names, that grow in tradition through the years and become a living part of the entirety of a college. A college Is teachers. Not Just ordinary teachers, but those spe¬ cial teachers who give much more than Is required, who make the learning process pleasant and In¬ teresting. A college is students. It is that undeflnable. always changing con¬ glomeration of restless humanity which swirls and flows around the buildings and across lawns. hunting for something. Hunting for the answers to the questions of life, enjoying ihe arts, under¬ standing the world of protons and microbes, light rays and bridge beams, plant life an°d animal growth. A college Is the group of people which screams at ball games. sweats through tests, gets bleary- eyed from acres of small print In the library stacks, and occa¬ sionally blows off steam by hang¬ ing a coach In effigy or staging an Impromptu snake dance on sacred .-nil. A college Is color. It Is the flash Of the cherlesder's skirt. bright Jersey against a green Held, rippling splotches of color In the stands, and the gleam and danle of a marching-band. A college Is desire. It's the de¬ sire to play a good game, to take home a grade slip the folks will like, to gain recognition from others- It's the force that causes students to burn the hour* over seemingly endless and use lees re¬ ports and labs, and instructors who wearily try. Just one more time, to explain something to a sleepy and unresponsive class. A college Is all these things and many more. A college la tra¬ dition and spirit, test tubes and dances, sweat clothes and Ph.D.'a. It's a feeling of standing alone, all wrapped up together. It's a group of Individuals with person¬ al hopes and ambitions and a common ground ot experience. That's what a college Is. Delta Sigs Elect Long Bill Long, a Junior business major, was recently elected presi¬ dent of the Delta Sigma Phi Fra¬ ternity. Retiring president Is Gerry Hoff. Other newly elected officers are Lionel Handel, vice president; Dennis Forafccr. secretary; and Keith Mohrhusen. treasurer. New officers tor Delta Sigma I'M will serve one year. Oil Canps with iVfeSiroliTiari {Author 0/ "Rally Hound The Flag, Boys", "The Many Lose* of Debit Gtttis", etc.) THE TRUE AND TRAGICAL TALE OF HAPPY JACK SIGAFOOS Who would have thought that Happy Jack Sigafoos, the boy the sky never rained nn, would teeter on the curc of n life of crime* Certainly there was no sign of it in his boyhood. His home Ufe was tranquil and uplifting. His mother waa a nice fat lady who hummed a lot and gave baskets to the poor. His father was a respected citizen who could imitate more than 400 bird calls and once saved an elderly widow from drowning in his good suit. (That ia, Mr. Sigsiooa was in his good suit; the elderly widow waa in swimming trunks.) Happy Jack's life was nothing short of idyllic—till he went off to college. Here Happy Jack quickly became a typical freshman— tweedy, needy, and needy. He learned the joys ot rounding out his personality, and he learned the cost. His allowance vanished like dew before the rooming sun. There were times, it grieves me to report, when he didn't even have enough money for a pack of Marlboro Cigarettes—and you know how miserable lAoi can be! To be deprived of Marlboro's matchless flavor, ita easy-drawing filter, its subtly blended tastiness, its itfreshing mildness, ita ineffable excellence, ita soft pack or flip-top box- why, it ia a prospect to break the heart in twain! Marlboro-less and miserable, Happy Jack tried to get more money from home. He wrote long, impassioned letters, pointing out that tho modern, large-capacity girl simply could not be courted on his meager allowance. But all Jack got back from a getting together to build our home were tiresome homilies about thrift and prudence. Then one dark day a sinister sophomore came up to Jack and said, "For one dollar I will sell you a hat of fitjndishly clerer bee to tefl your father when you need some extra money." He gave Jack the list of fiendishly clever lies. Jack read: 2. A bunch of ua fellows are getting together to buy a head¬ stone for Rover, our late beloved dormitory watchdog. 3. A bunch of us fellows are getting together to endow a chair of Etruscan Art. 4. A bunch of us fellows a own particle accelerator. For a moment poor Jack was tempted; surely his father could not but support all these laudable causes. Then Jack's good upbringing came to the fore. He tuned to the sinister sopho¬ more and said, "No, thank you. I could not deceive my aged parent bo. And aa for you, sir, I can only say—fie I" Upon hearing this the sinister sophomore broke into a huge grin. He whipped off his black hat and pasty face—and who do you think it wasT None other than Mr. Sgafooa Happy Jack*! father, that's who I . ^"^ "Good lad I" cried Mr. Sigafoos. "You have passed your test Ixfiffiaotly.'' With that he gave Happy Jack a half million dollars in small bills and a red convertible containing power steering and four nubile maidens, . Crime does riot pay 1 -_„ Money mud girls hacen't changed Happg Jack. Except for the minor bulge In hU cashmere Jacket caused by (I) a pack ot Marlboros and (2) a box ot Jfarttoroe, he's thamirrxeoUt |