1986_11 The Daily Collegian November 1986

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, Wednesday, Nov. S, 1986.
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m
Watch the ball, not the bods
Sting like
a Bee
Women's sports are undoubtably gain¬
ing popularity in this nation, but there's
one colossal thorn in their sides that will
continue to hamper them in the years
ahead — there's always a male spectator
in the crowd who tends to forget about
athletic competition and focuses his
attention on certain parts of the athletes'
anatomies.
To fill you in on how this guy thinks
(and how most of us, male or female, do at
times), I've constructed a hypothetical
television broadcast of a collegiate volley¬
ball game. Your commentators for the
event are Joe Namath and David Lee
Roth. So here it is^ a sexist view of
women's sports. S—.
NAMATH: Welcome to\he Coalinga
Coliseum Arena where y/e*re about to
bring you a crucial Barbafy Coast Athletic
Association volleyball/match between the
Grape Stompers of/ the University of
California at Lodi and the Tumbleweeds
of Cal State-Coalinga. With mc tonight
providing color commentary is the one
and only David Lee Roth.
SOCCER
Continued from page 6
tunities kept Cal Poly in the game.
The Mustangs took advantage of the
situation and tied the score. Dan Campbell
broke through the Bulldog defense, and
when FSU goalie Mark Dougherty came
out to help, Campbell rolled the ball by
him and into the open net. At 34:55. the
game was all tied at one.
It stayed that way until late in the game. •
As time was getting short. Ricky Villa
centered a pass in front of the Mustang
net. O'Gara came cutting through the
middle of the field and slammed in the
score, giving the Bulldogs a 2-1 advantage.
From that point. Fresno State used its
ball control offense to kill the clock. San
Luis Obispo had one more chance with
five minutes left, but Dougherty smothered
the Mustangs last shot on goal. •
Fresno State wraps up the regular season
Sunday at Bulldog Stadium versus U.S.
International. Game time is 2 p.m.
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ROTH: Thanks Jo£! and Hello every¬
body! I bet you'u- ,iii wondering what the
Hell I know about volleyball. Ill be
honest with you; I don't know a damned
thing. What I do know however, is that
there are iyjme hot babes out there on the
count.
NAMATH: Yes, David. Cal State-Coal¬
inga's middle-blocker Denise Fallbrook
was a consensus All-American. last year
and is looking just as good this year. The
experts say that Fallbrook has a playing
style very similar to that of the late Flo
Hyman.
ROTH: And a hairstyle very similar to
that of the late Marilyn Monroe, and a
. body very similar to that of a young
Brigitte Bardot, with eyes reminiscent of a
young Liz Taylor. Overally Joe, she kind
of looks like a pre-pregnancy Christie
Brinkley.
NAMATH: Anyway. Cal State-Coalinga
also gets some major contributions' from
its all-conference setter, Sabrina Dun-
ston....
ROTH: I'll say, she's got to have one of
the best butts in the conference. Holy cow!
Who's that number 22, Joe?
NAMATH: That's Traci Cutter, Dave.
She's an outside hitter who leads the
Tumbleweeds in defensive digs.
ROTH: 1 also see some good-looking
broads on the UC-Lodi team, Joe.
NAMATH:There sure are. Dave. Number
five is Melanie Springstein. UC-Lodi's
Most Valuable Player in 1985.
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ROTH: I hope she's not related to Bruce; I
really hate that son-of-a —.
NAMATH:And here's the first serve of
the game, by UC-eLodi's Kathy Mulligan.
There's a nice set by Dunston and a
booming kill by Leslie Landers. Side-out
for Cal State-Coalinga. What did you
think of the play, Dave?
ROTH: Sorry, Joe. 1 didn't get to see it. I
was busy watching that foxy brunette,
Michelle Simpson of UC-Lodi. She's pretty
stacked and she bent over for me real nice
so I could get a good look at her backside.
NAMATH: Now serving for Cal State-
Coalinga is number 19, Melanie Eastwick.
Oh, it's not a good serve, Dave, she hit it
into the n4t.
ROTH: That's actually a blessing in
disguise, Joe. Pretty soon she's going to be
moving to our side of the court. Thank
God for that rotation rule.
NAMATH: Here's the serve from UC-
Lodi's Jenni McAndreW. It bounces off
the arms of Annie Avery apd goes into the
stands. The Grape Stompers lead 1-0.
ROTH: That Avery broad is a real looker.
Joe. What does the press guide say about
her?
NAMATH: Let's see. She's a senior setter,
stands an even six feet and led the
Tumbleweeds in blocks last year.
ROTH: Is that all it says? Come on.
there's got to be more!
NAMATH:You're right, there's another
page here. She's blonde, has measurements
of 34-23-34 and was born May 3,1966.
Her turn-ons are romantic movies, soft
music and former New York Jet quarter¬
backs. Her turn-offs are male chauvinists,
guys with long hair and rock singers who
are so bad that they get kicked out of their
bands.
ROTH: You're kidding.
NAMATH: That's right. I am. Ha! Ha!
Ha! Ha!
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