1997_03 The Daily Collegian March 1997

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THE DAILY
COLLEGIAN
Wednesday, March 5,1997
'The Rules'
of the game
should be
changed
By Bethany Thompson
The Daily Collegian
You never think it can hap¬
pen on your campus. You hear
about it on the news, read about
it in the papers, but yet you be-
lie\e that somehow your cam¬
pus is above it; the students
smarter, more aware.
Then one day you "re walk¬
ing through the Peter's Building
and your safe little cocoon is
shattered: Somebody on your
campus is reading that stupid
book The Rules."
Surely you've heard about
this book written by two women
who obviously felt that Cosmo¬
politan magazine has not done
enough to undermine the
women's movement, that they
had to go and write a whole
book telling women how to ba¬
sically change their lives in or¬
der to get a man.
However. "The Rules" has
spawned an entire industry of
people writing books with the
same basic idea and 1 figured,
hey I've read Cosmopolitan. I
think I know a little something
on how to tell women to lose
their identities in their ultimate
life's goal of capturing a man
and then continuing to serve him
for the rest of their lives. I
thought that I would pass on
some of this advice, in case the
person in the Peter's Building
didn't learn enough from the
book and doesn't get the chance
to read Cosmopolitan as often
as I do. (About every three
months, because after I buy an
issue I require a "three month
cooling off period" where I
somehow manage to forget ex¬
actly how much I hate the im¬
age of women Cosmopolitan
portrays.)
Cosmo said that if I painted'
my nails red (signaling passion)
men would be lining up around
the corner to talk to me. I tried
this with absolute dismal results.
Not one man lined up outside
my door Then I thought I'd try
a lutle subliminal messages and
painted my nails "nude." Still
nothing. Then on the advice of
a male friend, I painted my nails
black signaling "danger" (or. in
my case, "just really bored")
Nothing. All of this leads me
to conclude that Cosmopolitan
is in the business of giving out
bad advice to catch men, be¬
cause if you actually ever caught
one you wouldn't buy the maga¬
zine anymore.
My absolute favorite piece of -
Cosmopolitan advice was when
they ran a story about places to
meet men. The article said one
thing to do to meet men would
be fly fishing/Fly fishing. It's
the obvious choice. Definitely
Please see RULES page 4.
Heurigers beat Lipizzaners in
the Viennese fun department
By Doug Lansky
College Press Service
VIENNA, Austria — According
to my guidebook, someone took an
Arabian stallion, mated it with a
Spanish mare, in-bred the offspring
for a couple of hundred years,
trained them at a Spanish Riding
Sch(K)l where everyone spoke Ger¬
man and poof created one of the
most popular attractions in Europe:
The Royal Lipizzaner Stallions.
Like millions of tourists before
me. I thought I'd have a kx)k at the
famous stable. Maybe even ride one
of the horses myself. One morning,
I lined up outside the school with
hundreds of other tourists to get into
the practice show, for $7.
This seemed like a better deal
than shelling out $40 to $70 for
evening show tickets, which must
be purchased months in advance. I
was assured by my friend Sarah,
who works at the U.S. Embassy in
Vienna, that the horses perform ba¬
sically the same tricks at each show.
The most spectacular aspect of the
Spanish Riding School- was the
"classroom" itself. The high ceil¬
ing, the second-floor viewing area,
the iortic columns and the three
chandeliers, each the size of Volvos,
combined to make this the most
impressive ballroom I'd ever seen.
The only difference was the floor
vyas covered with dirt. Not just any
old dirt, however; expensive-look¬
ing, reddish-colored dirt. The kind
of dirt you have to keep clean.
A few minutes after the 10 a.m.
showtime, a rider dressed like
Mozart's stable boy entered the
ballroom on one of the Lipizzaners
(which are gray or white and better
groomed than Dick Clark) and
tipped his Napoleon-style hat to the
crowd. Not entirely sure what to do,
seeing as this was their first Span¬
ish Riding School practice and all,
everybody applauded like crazy.
Then the rider led his horse
through a number of side-step.
VAGABOND
(      ' ' ■
back- step, alternating-step and di¬
agonal-step maneuvers, without
visibly doing anything to steer the
horse.This is the magic of dressage
Or of the Spanish Riding School.
Or of the special dirt. Anyway you
look at it, the horses were extremely
talented in the fancy footwork de¬
partment. Rumor had it they were
fine-tuning the moonwalk.
Several other riders entered the
ring, tipped their hats and started
their maneuvers. The whole affair
looked a bit like figure skaters
warming up before a big competi¬
tion. I decided to head for the of¬
fice and ask about riding one of the
white steeds myself. No such luck.
The woman in charge, with all
the irritableness she could muster,
said. "nein. nein. nein" as if I'd just
asked her to donate one of horses
for a special study on glue-making.
I pulled out my press ID card, my
business card and a few other col¬
orful-looking cards, but this just
made matters worse. She was thor¬
oughly unimpressed and assured
me I would not. at least not in my
lifetime, ever ride one of these
horses. As I turned to head back into
the ballroom, she reminded me that
photography was verboten. and told
me to leave my camera with her.
"But..." I protested.
"Cameras are strictly forbid¬
den!" she cut me off.
Back inside. I noticed that ev¬
eryone in the audience over the age
of five was viewing the Lipizzaners
Please see VAGABOND page 4.
ACROSS
1 Span
5 Book of map*
10 Unwarned plant
14 Loog-ea/ed ani¬
mal
15 Lacy mat
16 —podnda
17 Racetrack
18 Orphanages
19Tres —
20 Place of worship
22 Replaces
24 Ireland
26 Legendary
bowman
27 Most rough
31 -dhotel
35 Knock
36 Poker stakes
38 Argentina's
Evrta
39 Surmounting
41 Poisonous
43 Reddish color
44 Ciphers
46 Courses
48 Perpetually,
poencalry
49 Snare
51 Marino creature
53 British streetcar
55 Pollution
56 Certain vocalists
60 Small ball
64 Field
65 Excuse
67 For one
68 Cooper the actor
69 Lanza the singer
70 Paddy plant
71 Beverages
72 Fiery crime
73 Stalk
DOWN
1 "Cal on — Tir
Roor
2 Talkwtfdry
3StutT
4 Assistant
5 Follower
6 In addition
7 Halting ga*
8 Eskimo
9 Dewey
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11 Kazan .
12 Energy type
abbr.
13 Moet
21 Mona —
23 Hit
25 Bar legally
27 Mama
28 & a grain
29 On a ships left
30
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34 —nous
37 Locations
40 Pictures
42 Top fighter
45 Teasdale the
poet
47 Pump or oxford
SO Famed canal 59 Men ol rank
52 Starers 61 Cafe au —
54 Grinding tooth 62 — homo"
56 Story 63 A pronoun
57 Of the mouth 66 Lite story, for
58 French father short
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