1996_09 The Daily Collegian September 1996

              THE DAILY
^ COLLEGIAN
2i    Tuesday, September 3,1996
Opinion
Telephone: (209) 278-5732
Sleepers never get
the respect they earn
By Paul McCauley
The Daily Collegian
It was early on a recent Wednes¬
day, around two or three in the af¬
ternoon (okay so I enjoy my slum¬
ber, its not as if I have anything
better to do with my time), when I
was awakened by what sounded
like someone using a high powered,
smoke spitting, wood shredding
chain saw outside my bedroom
window.
Now, what they were doing out¬
side my bedroom window is almost
completely beyond my comprehen¬
sion, because the last time I checked
there wasn't anything growing
within twenty feet of my window
(I wonder if that's just a coincidence
or if I should imply something omi¬
nous from thai fact, especially when
coupled with the fact the dog re¬
fuses to set foot into my room and
eerie musk that whenever I think
about cleaning out the bottom
drawer of the dresser).
Now, I'm the first to admit that
there is nothing I enjoy more than
being rudely ripped from my
dreams, by an unexpected noise that
would drown out the howls of an-
cuish of those poor souls unlucky
enough to be trapped in a stalled
elevator with both Kenny G. and
John Tesh.
Surely it can't be as bad as that,
you mightthink, and you might be
right, but right now I can think of
nothing worse than having to en¬
dure the torture of having my rare
chance for slumber destroyed by the
inconsiderate scheduling of my
neighbors.
And while we're on the subject,
just how many people really need
a chain saw for use around the
house? Sure they're handy if you're
slaughtering the neighborhood pets
or children for fun, but as a garden¬
ing tool, there just a tad bit of over¬
kill.
Maybe it's just me but I haven't
noticed all that many redwoods
around town sporting signs reading
"Please cut me down!", but then
again I'm not known for my won¬
derful eyesight.
The only thing I can think of is
that when the typical Paul Bunyan
of the backyard went into the local'
hardware store looking for some¬
thing to help prune the anemic
apple tree, the commission-paid
salesperson's eyes lit up like a Ve¬
gas slot machine as it spews out the
grand jackpot
Ladies and genUemen, take the
advice of former Fust Lady, Nancy
Reagan and just say "no" to need¬
less and noisy gardening supplies.
If you want to prune the tree, use a
hand saw, really sharp scissors, and
an Exacto knife, even dental floss.
But please don't ruin the harmony
of a relaxing afternoon by firing up
that gas guzzling, smoke belching,
implement of mass destruction to
remove a single tree limb with a
diameter of less than a foot. After
all, I've seen a Pit Bull that can ac¬
complish the task without all the
noise, and with a lot more entertain¬
ment value. (Thank you' Mr.
Letterman for bringing us that qual¬
ity entertainment that you, and you
alone, present so well.)
And while I'm on the subject of
home gardening have you ever no¬
ticed that most of the tools used in
gardening, make a hell of a lot of
noise for the job they accomplish?
A perfect example is the com¬
mon leaf blower. Sure, it's easy to
use and makes cleaning up after
mowing the lawn fun and easy, but
the damn things arc just too loud.
Especially when there are much
quieter and environmentally friend¬
lier tools that will accomplish the
same task.
Since so many of today's urban
dwellers seem to have forgotten
what they are — I'll enlighten you.
I proudly-present the "broom" and
"rake" for your purchasing'plea*
sure.
Amazing isn't it? Not only will
they perform the same task as the
leaf-blower, but it will also provide
a nice cardiovascular workout —
something that most of us modem
city dwellers are actually paying the
big bucks to obtain from some
fancy gym with a wall of floor
length mirrors and a twenty step
machine located conveniently on
the ground floor. Call now, opera¬
tors are standing by to take your or¬
der. Remember that when you use
your credit card to purchase the
Wonder Rake 2000, you'll receive
Please see MCCAULEY page 4.
DOLE fOR   PRESIDENT
Letter to the Editor
Clinton is trying to undo what
the Republicians started
Dear Editor:
Mr. Eancs has a right to his
opinion (Aug. 29) about Dole
being more fiscally responsible
than Clinton. However, he over¬
looks several facts:
1. Clinton's "biggest tax
hike," to which Mr. Eancs refers
in paragraph 3, is primarily on
the wealthiest Americans, who
during the '80s were given tre¬
mendous tax breaks. In other
words, Clinton undid for the
wealthy what Reagan had done
for them.
2. There is no evidence that
Clinton ever "tried to worsen the
deficit" or deliberately sabotage
fiscal health as Mr. Eanes seems
to suggest in the same paragraph.
This is merely a personal attack.
3. The "mandatory expendi¬
tures" for health care coverage
between jobs, to which Mr.
Eancs refers in paragraph 5, re¬
ceived bipartisan support. In fact,
Dole himself rushed to get credit
for his recent bill. Moreover, in
paragraphs 5 and 6 of his column,
Mr. Eanes incorrectly uses the term
"unfunded mandates" to refer to
business rather than government.
4. In paragraph 5, Mr. Eanes
claims that "Washington wants the
minimum wage without paying for
it" Mr. Eanes ignores the fact that
since the last u me the federal mini¬
mum wage was set, the American
dollar has inflated so much thai the
recent increase is merely an adjust¬
ment for inflation — for which
businesses should pay if they are to
maintain their employees' quid pro
quo.
5. There is no evidence that, as
staled in paragraph 7 of Mr. Eanes'
column, Clinton's reason for dis¬
suading Congress from amending
the Constitution was that he was not
"in favor of an alternative form
of a balanced budget." As a re¬
sponsible President, Clinton is
probably leery of the ramifica¬
tions such an amendment would
have both on Congressional pre¬
rogative and the Constitution it¬
self.
6. Mr. Eanes made frequent
references to broken campaign
promises made by Clinton, e.g.,
that he would not raise taxes.
Unlike Bush in '88, Clinton
never asked America to "read
my lips" but has carried out his
intentions as best as can be ex¬
pected, given the Republican-
controlled Congress.        \
Mr. Eanes' card stacking is
obvious. The personal attacks he
makes on Clinton belie an un¬
dertone of panic at the prospect
V Clinton winningjhe Novem¬
ber election.
Paul Jackson
Student
Daily Collegian
California State University, Fresno
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California State University. Fresno.
Opinions expressed in the Collegian
are not necessarily those of ihe entire *
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