1996_02 The Daily Collegian February 1996

              THE DAILY
^ COLLEGIAN
L     Thursday, February 1,1996
Opinion
Managing Editor: Robert Bilvado
Telephone: (209) ^78-5732
Bumps promote
creative thinking
not safety
» Commentary■
By Paul McCauley
Special to the Collegian
I have a really hard time dealing
■with speed bumps, and I don't just
mean in the physical sense. This
difficulty, if you*re at all interested
in the root cause of my fanatical
stand on the subject, all stems from
my one encounter with a petition
wielding group of parents who
wanted to install speed bumps on a
street near my house.
I Was sit¬
ting at home  ~—~^™"^^^^^^^™^
enjoying a       Even if I am able to slow
kernel in a blender on frappe dur¬
ing a Northridge magnitude earth¬
quake.   /
I also know that most drivers
simply slow down for the speed
bumps and then floor it once they
get over them. Or worse yet, they
find an alternate route that doesn't
have any speed bumps so they
won't be forced to waste the pre¬
cious seconds it takes to slow down.
My basic problem with speed
bumps boils down to the fact that
they sim-
^^^^^^~——"   ply  don't
work.
few hours of '   " " _        At best,
tv, when the  down to ten miles per hour, I  speed
door   bell still get tossed around my car bumps are
like a popcorn kernel in a
blender on frappe during a
Northridge magnitude
earthquake.
rang. After
fifteen min¬
utes of listen¬
ing to them
/'"v*give reasons
why    these
speed bumps  	
would be a
benefit to all of society, I caved in
and signed my name simply to get
back to my program.
I found myself in a situation in
which I was forced to sign a peti¬
tion I really djdn't believe in or ba¬
sically say that if their kids weren't
smart enough to not play in the
street, maybe the gene pool is bet¬
ter off without them.
I know th^t the theory behind
them is to slow down maniac driv¬
ers sp that innocent, and not so in-
fnt, pedestrians won't end up as
road pizzas.
Yet I don't understand why they
force drivers to go slower than the
normal limit for a residential area.
After all, anyone who bothered to
read the informational handbook
supplied by the D*MV should know
that the speed limit on a residential
street is 25 MPH.
Having taken a number of math
classes at this fine institution of edu¬
cation. I am able to determine that
ten is fifteen less than twenty-five.
So why ten miles per hours?
Even if I am able to slow down
to ten miles per hour, I still get
tossed around my car like a popcorn
a partial so¬
lution to a
much
larger
problem.
That
—■—    problem is
that     too
many people drive too fast.
As long as we continue to think
of auto racing, in all its many forms,
as a sport, someone is going to think*
it's a blast to tear down residential
streets.
As long as speed limits are only
loosely enforced, there will be some
group of motorists on the freeway
willing to push the envelope just a
little bit.
As long as car manufacturers
continue to produce cars that can go
faster, the rest of us are going to
simply sit by and watch as some¬
one decides it is necessary to break
the sound barrier on their way to
work.
With speed bumps popping up
all over town faster than zits on a
junior high student on the day of his/
her first date, my advice is to buy a
surplus Army tank to drive around
town.
True, it may not come in the
flashiest colors, may be a little slow,
and not get the best mileage, but on
the positive side you won't have to
slow down for speed bumps. Hell,
you might even flatten a few for the
rest of us.
Now wouldn't that be nice.
Pressed denim and aching
backs-election time is back
By Jevon C. Swanson
Editor in Chief
Election time is coming-again.
Even though voting is our most
sacred duty and open elections are
our mosf holy right, election sea¬
son is really
obnoxious-especially awa^n
when a high executive
office is on the line.
In the coming
months, we will get to
witness a bunch of
geeky, old, wealthy
and privileged men run
around the nation pre¬
tending they're just regular "Joes."
Even as this page is read, the
nation's denim manufacturers are
hard at work creating perfectly
pressed and perfectly tailored jeans
to slide over Bob Dole's knobby
knees or "Flat Tax" Forbes' hairy
foreleg.
Of course, it goes with out say¬
ing that some poor slob of a techni¬
cal writer is putting in over time
creating the instructions for the can-
• Commentary
didate collection jeans.
"Place right leg into right pant
leg (Fig. 1). Place left leg into left
pant leg (Fig. 2). Grab waste band.
Claiming presidential privilege at
his Whitewater subpoena clearly
said "President" to me.
pull up, zip (Fig. 3). NOTE: Be sure
to put pants on only ONE leg at a
time or you will void your war¬
ranty."
One bit of relief from seeing
these knuckleheads tell a bunch of
Virginia coal miners they can em¬
pathize with them because they de¬
veloped bad backs and bad lungs
from lugging heavy wallets and
sucking in bad cigar smoke at the
country club, will be seeing the cur¬
rent chief executive trying to look
like a chief executive.
Luckily for Bill, though, it looks
like this time around, his wife will
be so busy behind the locked doors
of a grand jury that no one will be
able to accuse her of running the
government.
Already it is clear
■—■■"" that Bill is on his cam-
pafgn kick^Claiming
presidential privilege
at his Whitewater sub¬
poena clearly said
"President", to me.
     (Unfortunately it also
said "Nixon" right af¬
ter that).
Still, one must admit the painful
scenes of relentless hand shakipg
and awkward white to blue collar
transformations is a small price to
pay for free elections and peacefirb
turnover of power.
If only one of them would finally
admit that they never really weaf
jeans, never have and probably
never will. % .
I'd vote for him.
;
Daily Collegian
California State University, Fresno -
News Editor
Heather Hart man
Sports Editor
Brian R. Fisher
Feature Editor
<* Leah Perich
Editor in Chief
Jevon C. Swanson
Managing Editor
Robert Bilvado
Photo Editor
Steve R. Fujimoto
Web production
Jason Maggini
Copy Editor
Kari L. Scon
Ad Manager
Richard Ahmed
Business Manager
David Stanley
Senior Staff Writers:
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Staff Writers: Dernice Trimble,
Michelle Lomax, Alma Lopez,
Anthony Lopez, Anthony Marino,
Ana Rocha, Brisa Curiel, Shanna
Holman, Deborah Sanchez,
Michael Harding, Silvia Torres
Sports Writers: Matt Croce,
Matt Personale, Page Devers,
Troy Wagner, Dave Johnson,
Jabari Lawrence, Patrick '
Houlinhan. Casey Angle
Photographers: Paul Martinez,
Mark Lee, Tommy Monreal,
Mohamed El Sharif, James  •
O'Brian, Ryan McKee
Advertising reps: Richard Nixon,
Lupe Fuentes, Kismet Ragab,
Paul McCauley
The Daily Collegian is published five
times a week for and by the students of
California State University, Fresno.
Opinions expressed in the Collegian are
not necessarily those of the entire Daily
Collegian staff. The editors reserve the
right to edit letters for length and clarity.
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