1995_08 The Daily Collegian August 1995

              THE DAILY
COLLEGIAN
Tuesday, August 29,1995
Op
INION
Managing/Opinion Editor: Celeste Cox
Telephone: (209) 278-5732
News Not Worthy
Shannon Wentworth
As the sun sets on summer vacation and rises to reveal the shackles of
back-to-school, I look back at the events of the long, hot months that
went before us in an attempt to recapture — if only for a few hundred
words — the media bliss. w
Something Fishy in Clovis
Like dirt clods exploding in Mojave, one by one, Clovis businessmen
and City councilmen backstabbed, plea bargained and denied their way
through the flurry of indictments set to bring down government in the
American Flag, Apple Pie City saddled up next to Fresno.
"Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely," or so some fa¬
mous guy said. I imagine if you add an agent to the mix you get a lot of
power corrupting the zoning and housing of an entire city.
It is merely my idealism and dogmatism begrudging me to ask the
question, "Aren't people in city government for the good of the city?"
Well, maybe it is good for the city to have developers supplementing the
salaries of city councilmen. I meao, ballplayers get salary supplements if
they perform well, so why shouldn't the members of the city council get
bonuses if they vote well?
I guess we could ask the FBI agents involved in Operation Rezone or
maybe we could ask the council members themselves ... in three to five.
What a switch. I hope they can make the transition from voting for big
houses to living in The Big House.
Nation gone mad
Heidi, Susan and OJ are the trials that kept most of our attention from
the news this summer. Is anyone out there still interested? Well, Heidi,
who is just a female Chuck Woolery with condoms for her contestants,
met with justice and so did Susan, a woman who wanted to be single so
badly she killed her children.
If OJ's lawyers have anything to say about it, the trial will never be
over and everyone will spend their lives and their money in that famous
courtroom. For most of the summer, OJ wasn't the one on trial; the de¬
fense shifted its focus to Mark Fuhrman and the LAPD. Racism has fi¬
nally reared its head, but hey, Fuhrman was just trying to impress this hot
screenwriter — he wasn't serious when he said the N-word 248 times.
Everyone involved in this trial has been capitalizing on its fame. Ev¬
eryone involved has written a book and everyone who ever knew anyone
involved has written a book. The latest to hit bookstores is Detective
Mark Furhman's "How to Impress Bitches and Chicks with Racial Epi¬
thets." Sounds like a real winner to me.
Hey, I think that Kato may have been in my kindergarten class and if I
remember correctly, he used to wet himself and cry a lot. Look for my
book next month, "Potty Pants: Kindergarten Kato."
Welcome to my own personal guide to dealing with naughty cybernauts.
If you are new to the Internet or other on-line systems, pay attention.
There are a lot of perverts waiting patiently at their computers, looking
for a virgin like yourself. Here are some tips for keeping their advances in
check.
• If you are an "f' (which is female) and prodded for a physical de¬
scription, tell your courtesan that everything above your waist is tiny and
everything below is massive. This cools off even the most desperate
casanovas.
• When prompted for descriptions of your undergarments, don't men¬
tion silk or lace. No matter what you are wearing, answer, "genuine
Jockey." No one has ever asked me a follow-up question after that, but if
cyberperv persists, say they used to be white and are now old, tattered,
ratty and dirty. Be creative.
• Women, if you are looking for support from your sisters on the Les¬
bian Channel, keep looking. The horniest cyberfellas on-line know you
aren't expecting diem and they tend to lurk there.
• As a rule, don't start a conversation with someone who uses the word
'TwC" in the first three lines of your interaction, i.e. you type: "How are
you?" Other person types: "hot."
• If you haven't been in an on-line chat situation and are looking for
conversation rather than stimulation (i.e. you will be using both hands to
type), stay away from people with sexually provocative logon names,
like GUY4YOU, STUDneedsF or SLAVE2LOVE.
• And just for your information: 77 gets ate more than 69 and no one
wants a truthful answer to "What are you wearing?" Translation: A "Na¬
ked in Heels" answer will always git your cyber boots a knockin'.
This has been a public service announcement for On-line Abstinence,
a non-profit organization aimed at keeping cyberspace sex-free. Don't
forget to wear protective latex gloves when operating your PC.
Letters to the Editor
Reentry student gets warm welcome back to CSUF
Dear Editor,
On May of this year, I made
a major decision. After 31 years,
I decided to go back to college.
In 1964,1 left the University
of San Francisco with 18 units
needed to graduate and never
went back. Now was the time.
Our three children are grown and
on their own now (oldest daugh¬
ter Mary graduated from CSUF
in 1990 and will receive a
master's degree from Chapman
University next month). Last
November, my wife and I sepa¬
rated after nearly 29 years of
marriage. In December, 1 spent
nine days in the hospital in ICCU
suffering from acute heart fail¬
ure. In February, I went back to
my real estate business, against
my doctor's wishes. But my
body and mind weren't ready.
After 60 days, I realized that I
did not have that competitive
edge so necessary to succeed in
my chosen profession. My quest
for a new lifestyle was about to
begin.
On May 27,1 arrived at the
CSUF campus, located the office
of Extended Education, picked
up a catalog of courses and reg¬
istered for summer classes.
Thus began the greatest ad¬
venture of my life. I had made
up my mind; nothing was going
Letters to the Editor
The Daily Collegian
Keats Campus Building
Mail Stop 42
Fresno, CA. 93740-0042
=©
to stop me, dissuade me, scare me,
intimidate me or discourage me in
any way. I was finally going to earn
my degree
Everybody whom I have en¬
countered on this great campus has
helped me. From the very first day,
the staff in Extended Education was
anxious to answer my questions,
assist me in using the class catalog,
even making phone calls to profes¬
sors to help me obtain further in¬
formation. Registration went
smoothly; everybody was helpful.
My professors and fellow students
treated me like I had never been
away from college. I learned a great
deal from them and they might have
learned something from me.
Today's professors seem so
much more enthusiastic, more in¬
volved, better prepared and more
devoted to teaching knowledge rel¬
evant to solving real-life challenges.
Everybody in the Disabled Students
Center, Re-Entry, Admissions,'the
Library, the Bookstore—they have
all gone out of their way to help
me, to treat me with care, kind¬
ness, empathy, patience, under¬
standing and encouragement.
Not one person has said to me,
"It can't be done." %
Because of this, I have gained
a new purpose in. lite. The old
adage that "a friend in need is a
friend in deed, "is so appropri¬
ate at CSUF; the faculty, stu¬
dents, staff and everybody affili¬
ated with this fine institution of
higher learning have become my
friends in deed.
The people who I have met
on this campus have gone so far
out of their way to help me make
my dream come true that I think
that Monday I could sign up to
play interscholastic football and
Coach Sweeney would some¬
how find a place for me, and they
. would all call me "Rudy."
Thank you CSUF. I love you,
"Big Red Wavel"
.Robert Stefani
Clambake...
it's the latest on arts and entertainment:
features on local happenings and dteol people,
movie and cd reviews   ...   it's the most fun
you can have without a*beach.
It's the foldable party you can take anywhere
Daily Collegian
 California State Unversity?Fresno	
Editor in Chief:
Managing Editor
News Editor:
Photo Editor:
Sports Editor:
Feature Editor:
Copy Editor:
Advertising Manager:
Production Manager:
Flats Editor:
Business Manger:
Christine Malamanig
Celeste Cox
LeahPerich
Hadi Yazdanpanah
Brian Fisher
Draeger Martinez
Chui Ming Ang
Staff Writers: Richard Ahmed, Sean Balasanderum,
Jason Boust, Robin Ford, Matt Hart, Chad Holcomb,
Pao Lee, Maria Mac hue a, Jeff Smith, Doug Stolhand,
Reg Wagner, Troy Wagner, Shannon Wentworth.
Photographers: Steve Fujimoto, Christine
Mirigian, Tommy Monreal, Mohammed El Sharif.
Richard Nixon    Advertising: Lupe Fuentes, Jennifer Hormann,
Jenni Haire.
Robert Bilvado
Jevon Swanson    Computer Assitant: Richard Ahmed
Paul McCauley    Circulation: Ana Rocha
Collegian telephone directory
Editorial: (209)278-5731
News: (209)278-2486
Feature: (209)278-2556
Fax: (209)278-2679
The Daily Collegian is published five times a week for
and by the students of California State University. Fresno.
Opinions expressed in the Collegian are not necessarily
those of die entire Daily Collegian staff. The editor
reserves the right to edit letters for length and clarity. To
be considered for publication, letter must be typed and
should not exceed 250 words.