1994_05 The Daily Collegian May 1994

              2—Opinion
THECOLLEGIAN
Friday, May 6,1994
Column
ASI induces
up-chucking
ByJaaonOwen
THECOLLEGIAN
I would rather have sex with dead animals than
have to be subjected to the misery of another ASI
meeting. , ^
It is a crime that these pathetic and disorganized
"leaders'* have the power to dictate where the stu¬
dents' money goes. These gutless worms couldn't
decide which hand to masturbate with let alone where
my $36 should go.
I went to one of these ASI meeting things yesterday
as a casual observer, just to see what kind of mentality
makes up the individuals on the student government.
There was five minutes of bitching and screaming.
Someone yelled "Nazi." Another person yelled back
''faggot'* and the meeting broke up in disarray.
H  I couldn't believe it. I have seen more organization
in a crack house. These ASI ghouls are a joke who are
deceiving the campus by pretending that they are
doing something. All these jackals want is something
to decorate their resumes.
If these ASI goons really cared about the campus
they would drop out of school and get jobs at Jack-In-
The-Box.
I sat in that meeting horrified by the stupidity that
was being spawned before me. The nausea of igno¬
rance that smothered the room forced me to leave it
one time and run to the bathroom and puke. That was
the moa enjoyable part of my ASI experience.
It is sad that my sister has been corrupted by these
piranha.'My own flesh and blood has been poisoned
by the cancer of stupidity that runs through the ASI
like crap through a sewage plant. My sister is the
newly-elected senator for the School of Arts and
Humanities and next year she'll bathe in that trough of
pig urine called the Associated Students, Incorporated.
If someone thinks that I am over-reacting just go
see these friggin' morons in action this Sunday night.
Watching one of their meetings is more pathetic than
seeing a one-legged deer give birth.
After the meeting I went and talked to the legisla¬
tive vice-president, Giovana Driussi because I liked
the way she wielded her hammer. I asked her what the
ASI had done this semester and even though she spoke
in perfect English I still had no idea what she was
talking about.
I talked with a few more ofthe ASI pinheads in
hopes of finding out if they knew what the hell they
were dbing.'Tbey didn't. Everybody in ASI talks "at"
you, not "with" you and it's like being trapped in a
closet with a bunch of Steve Urkels on acid.
"Did I do thaaaat?"
It is sickening to watch how each side droolingly
praises itself and then childishly curses the opponent
Ifthe campus were ever to find out what a scam ASI
really is they would lynch those bastards, cane them
and parade them naked through the fountain while
students hurl candy-apples at their genitals.
It is a sad state of affairs when only about 2,000 out
of 18,000 students get around to voting. But there is
no reason to vote when the people elected don't do
anything anyway. And after what I saw yesterday at
the ASI meeting we as a campus would have Men
better off if nobody had voted at all
It was a real let down to see that the best our cam¬
pus could produce was a bunch of cry-baby, sniveling,
swine too stupid to compromise and too wretched and
heartless to ever accomplish anything,
^leacourage all students to go and watch one of
these meetings if you can bear it Make sure you bring
enough beer, sedatives and maybe a couple of guns
because I guarantee you'll need it Don't bother to ask
me to come along because I'll just take off my clothes
and go hunt down a road-loll.
Column
FSU's own ship-of-fools will
attempt its own 'surprise'
By Chris Branam
THECOLLEGIAN
The First Amendment to
the Constitution gives us
the freedom of speech.
I start this short treatise
with that reminder to most
of you that either have read
Jason Owen's column on
this page or who will read it
after this. Owen's column is
graphic, crude, demeaning,
and, in my opinion, down¬
right hilarious.
The reason I find the
column hilarious, and the
reason why I authorized its
printing, is that it is gro¬
tesque, sure; but is it any
more ridiculous than what
went on at the ASI meeting
Thursday?
I was not at the meeting.
I was planning on going at
4 p.m., missing just a half-
hour ofthe scheduled 3:30
start. But before I had a
chance to make the five-
minute walk from The
Collegian's office to Uni¬
versity Student Union
Rooms 312-14, it was over.
But before the scant 20-
minute-meeting was over,
one person was called a
Nazi, another was called a
faggot two Reality senators
were deemed ineligible —
See COLUMN, page 4
THE COLLEGIAN
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