1992_12 The Daily Collegian December 1992

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2-Op/Ed
The Daily Collegian
December 0,1992
Hews Not Worthy
By Shannon Wentworth   %
"I like the puffy, white
aspect of that there cotton."
Cotton Judging Cofftest?
Someone had one and
wouldn't ya know it, Han¬
ford High School won. Cot¬
ton judging is a seriou s part
of someone s life so don't
laugh. Look for the Milk¬
weed Connoisseur's Con¬
vention, International Ap-
pleseed Spitting Contest,
Potato Bug Hurling For Ac¬
curacy Contest, Worms:
How asexual .are they, and
how many times can you get
yours to grow another half?
also known as, Self Control
With a Scalpel Competition,
Pig Punching For Reclama¬
tion of Food Scraps, and Hide
and Go Sheep.
□CO
Do you like to be rubbed,
prodded, poked and stroked
by strangers? Students in
the Physical Education mas¬
sage classes are going to.be
doing just that Dec. 7-8 and
Dec. 11. To reserve a good
rub down and relieve finals
stress, call 278-2016. The
only catch: you have to strip
down to shorts and a shirt or
a swimsuit, and you'll need
your own oil.
□QQ
Having trouble fulfilling
your course requirements in
order to get a bonafide de-,
gree? Well, the Academic
Senate has approved the es¬
tablishment of a Committee
on Honorary Degrees. The
degrees will 'Represent an
• appropriate balance between
local and tton-local, and
academic and non-academic
recipients." Start writing
your humanitarian diatribe
now for submission to the
committee on Jan. 29; any¬
one can nominate anyone.
However, "the eminence of
persons nominated must be
widelyrecognized'', so you'll
have to start dropping your
name in high places. I won¬
der who nominated Rose¬
anne and Tom Arnold for
honorary degrees at some
high and mighty Ivy league
school the name of which I
have forgotten. CSUF will
probably end up awarding a
degree to the most eminent
man in the field of internally
combustible methane, Ed
O'Neill from Married With
Children. If he's got any
sense, he'll pass (pardorkhe
pun) up our offer and hold
out for Harvard.
□QQ
Ah, the virtues of milk
and, sadly, the last "News
Not Worthy". Oh, you poor
heterosexuals, many apolo¬
gies for repeatedly bashing
into the crumbling pillars of
your want ng institution. It is
my hope that I have not for¬
ever ruined the heterosexu¬
ality you cling to so desper¬
ately. I can just see it now,
men will be having sex with
men and women with women
in larger and larger numbers,
tbe population of the Earth
will stop growing exponen¬
tially and, peril of perils,
people will stop getting
married. Oh, the horror.
You breeders whq have
been biting at my butt all
semester for teasing you,
please spare me your ridicu¬
lous cries of reverse discrimi¬
nation. If you were so certain
that heterosexuality was the
only way to go, then you
would not feel so threatened
by my gentle antagonism. Or
maybe you just haven't found
the right same sex partner
yet
No apologies for you
blood sucking heathen who
continue to consume mass
quantities of flesh.
I hope you all die slowly
and painfully of colon can¬
cer.
Philharmonic waste of talent
By Mike Palmer
Staff Columnist
I can't remember a more frus¬
trating afternoon than last
Sunday'sChristmasconcertofthe
Fresno Philharmonic Orchestra
that clearly pandered to the
audience's intelligence with its
weak program selection.
Although the CSUF Concert
Choir and University Chamber
Chorale at times performed bril¬
liantly, as did a very talented
Soprano, Judith Dickinsoh, Mu¬
sic Director Andrew Massey
stunk-up the program with some¬
thing referred to as Haydn's Toy
Symphony which was actually
written/by Leopold Mozart I
haven't a clue why he chose this
limns	
 j-	
Evaluations
process not
that ugly •
DearEditor
I am responding io Michael S.
Handorf s article ("Graduating? I
wouldn't count on it".) in your
December 2 paper.
When I began reading Mr.
Handorf s article a quote from the
famous New Yorker and philoso¬
pher Yogi Berra came to mir,J:
"It's deia vu all over a#un." I
thought I was reading an article
from four years ago when lateness
in processing was an everyday
Please see BACKER, page 3
piece which consisted of a group
oflocaJs "humiliating themselves"
playing toy instruments, and he
chose to grossly underutilize an
accomplished recording artist like
Ms. Dickinson.
To Massey's credit he used the
phrase ''humiliating themselves''
in his i n troduc tion. It is a shame he
didn't really believe what he said.
I was excited by the prospect of
hearing this gifted soprano, who
has performed with many world
class orchestras, sing various se¬
lections from Handel's Messiah.
Only four excerpts were performed
and only one involved Ms. Dick¬
inson. In many Christmas pro¬
grams, the Messiah is the second
half of the concert
Not to hear more Handel per¬
formed by Ms. Dickinson is a
criminal act deserving of a strong
rebuke to Massey from the Fresno
Philharmonic Association. Unfor¬
tunately, I am afraid that some of
the jurors were participants in the
second-half mayhem involving the
false Haydn.
Lesser crimes included the
audience sing-a-longs which were
some what aki n to a church Christ¬
mas Eve service for which one
doesn't pay $28, and only present¬
ing one selection by the very tal¬
ented Central California
Children's Choir. More of die lat¬
ter would have added a homey
Please see CONCERT, page 3
>
Aimee L. Fisher
Editor in Chief
News Editor Shannon Wentworth
Photo Editor: Steve Skibbie
Sports Editor David Donnelly
Business Manager Shawnda Grice  '
Advertising & Ad Production Manager Lance Jackson
Artspeak Editor Manny Fernandez
Cartoonist: Ofir Levy
News Writers: Suzanne Andrews, Rosalba Bel tran, Pat Bettencourt, Adam
Breen, Marlene Bryant, Amie Goodrich, Suzanne Kayian, Mik» Palmer,
Leah Peri ch
Photographers: Hector Amezcua, Christine Baker, Jeremy Cloud. Man
Soby J        ^
SpomWritOT:MarkB.7anlvRk.iariJ
AcWertising Representatives: Brendan Bailey, Keith Bolden, Laura Deck-
aid, ShawndakGrice, Shelby Stark, Kiki Rizki, Peggy Yeyna, Jenny Young
Cohimnxsk: Adam Breen, Michael S.Han<terf.AllessandriaPolizzi,Mike
Palmer    V. /
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