1993_11 The Daily Collegian November 1993

              J"
2—Op/Ed
%\yt Mailp Collegian
Monday, Nov. 15, 1993
'olumn
Religious freedom for all
Cox
I love Sunday mornings. Usu¬
ally, if I'm home, I can bribe my
mom into making me homemade
waffles, andlpour over the Sunday
Hanford Sentinel (being from
Hanford, that makes sense) while I
munch, with the T.V. blaring in the
background.
My mom, being me original
channel surfer, will change the
channel on the T.V. faster than the
speed of light Every once in a
while, she'll stop long enough to
see if she can get a reaction out of
me by what she stopped to watch..
Well, one Sunday, she got the reac¬
tion she was looking for.
I was chuckling over the newest
adventures of Calvin anil Hobbes,
and I heard the phrase "ETERNAL
DAMNATION" scream at me from
the screen. And I mean SCREAM.
I jumped. High. She laughed. I
told her that if she loved me like the
wonderful daughter I wa"s, she
would change the channel; I guess
she didn't love me.
She not only continued to watch.
When asked
what religion I
am, my usual
answer is, '-'reli¬
gion is against
my religion."
but she pretended to agree to inten¬
sify my somewhat violent reaction.
The T.V. evangelist, which I
consider to be lower on the evolu-.
tionary ladder than pond sCum, con¬
tinued what sounded like the mat¬
ing call of Chewbacca.
He went on to explain that if
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everyone watching did not imme¬
diately write a check in his name
for the total amount of their bank
account, they would burn in hell.
By giving the evangelist all of
their money, 'the viewers would
bring themselves closer to the life
that God had intended. No food, no
clothes, no place to live except a
cardboard box on a sidewal^ A
life of complete poveiryT I
Yessiree, all "people of God"
should live inpoverty, he cautioned. -
Material posessions were just plain
evil.
He finally ended with something
.to the effect of "so reach into your
bank accounts and give with your
hearts." And thafwas it.
Thin, he was probably escorted
off the stage by armed guards to his
limo waiting outside.
Meanwhile, IcouIdpicturasomC
little old couple in Wyoming, or
some other God-foresaken state,
believing every word he said. Gull¬
ible individuals such as these-would,
undoubtedly, mortgage their grand¬
children if the evangelist said it
would reserve their space in the
pearly-gated Kingdom.
I realized then that people like
the one of gorillian descent arid the
Kansas couple were the reason why
I have decided to take the neutral
religious pathway.
This belief being, there is no
heaven; and no hell. But if there is, I
guess I'll findout differently when I
die. But I don't feel I should live my
life abstaining from anything that
would make me feel guilty. Guilt is
too fun.
When asked what religion I am,
my usual answer is, "religion is
against my religion."
Of course, this has sparked many
an interesting conversation. My in¬
famous roommate and I, after shar¬
ing an apartment for the last three
months, had talked about everything
else, except religion, until last week.
We were sitting in our living
room, bonding over diet Coke, and
rocky road icecream, and she asked,
"what religion are you?" UH OH.
knew I better choose my words care¬
fully, or else she'd think I was a
demon-child.
Instead, I gave her my usualre¬
sponse. She took it well. Others, I'm
sorry to say, do .not.
One individual in particular told
me that I was living a life of sin. Not
only that, but I had to mend my
ways, or else I, like all others like
me, would bum in hell. Wow, that
sounded familiar.
1 do not understand the fascina¬
tion people have with warning me
about burning in hell. Whenever I
hear that, I think to myself that if the
person warning me won't be there,
hell won't be so Dao.
A lot of these soothsay err have a
lot of nerve. They arat after all, the
ones who showup bleary-eyed and
hung-over to church on Sunday.
They sleep through the sermon,
and wake up just in time to give ther
offering. As long as their contribu-.
tions keep coming in, they feel their
souls will be provided for... kind of
like a lay away plan.
I know my views are a little off
the wall. However, 1 respect the views
of others, if (hey don't try to hit me
over the head with them. All I ask is
the same respect.
And one more thing... judge not
lest ye be judged.
•Eije Batlp Collegian
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