1992_10 The Daily Collegian October 1992

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October 27,1992
The Daily Collegian
STOOGES
Continued prom pace 2
Contra Affair, Iraqgate, the'Sav¬
ings and Loan fiasco, October
Surprise and Desert Storm/Shield?
Congress was more than willing to
help screw things up, but it took
the Reagan/Bush administration
to make it an art
I prefer anyone to George Bush
simply because there are crimes I
just cannot stomach. Laundering
funds to murdering dictators
(Manuel Noriega Und Saddam
Hussein) and then going into war
: with them later
(thousands of
innocents in-
\^ between) is
beyond my
tolerance.
Tax-breaks
and special
privileges for
multi-millionaires while families
can only afford cardboard boxes
for their first homes is enough to
make me vomit Bending the law
in order to protect power-plays
.and rich buddies is icing on the
shitcake.
Ole Ronnie, the king of suck¬
ing up to big business, is gone,
thank God; but his pet rules on.
How incompetent do you have to
be to kiss the ass of a president
who cannot remember anything
but his wife's horoscope? And,
keep in mind, George was once
head of the CIA—covert arms
shipments, overthrowing foreign
governments, assassinations. Hell,
yeah, he's presidential material (at
, least he knows he won't be assas¬
sinated by his own guys. But, then
again...)
Slick Willie is a career politi¬
cian who is out for a power ride
v and maybe even some kickbacks
and shady deals, but I really don't
see that as much different than half
the people I work with. Maybe he
dodged the Vietnam war—I
would've been in Canada. At least
he did it legally. So he smoked pot
and had an affair? What did you do
J in college? Study 12 houfsa-day
and write letters to mom?
At least Ginton squirmed out
of service because he was a Rhodes
Scholar. Uh, Danny boy, what was
your GPA? Dan Quayle slithered
out of the draft because he was
simply a well-connected rich boy.
Not talented, just under dad's
umbrella.
Dan has an excuse for the fact
lhat he is a blundering chowder-
head, however—publjc schools.
My question is, "Does it matter
i would let al
Gore wash my
CAR ...
why he's stupid?'' Isn't the fact he
admits that he's dumber than the
Competition—no matter where he
' went to school—enough to make
you a little nervous? Let's say
, George has a fall sneaking out of
his girlfriend Jennifer's window.
President Dan Quayle. Wouldn't
you rather hear that you need your
wisdom teeth pulled?
Dan will never have an affair.
Why not? Haven't you ever no¬
ticed that wherever Dan is, Mari¬
lyn is at arm's length? If you look
closely, you can see herhandgoing
up his back and her lips moving
when his do.        \
The guy is at war with a televi¬
sion sitcom!
Our vice
president is
doing battle
with a
woman who
doesn'teven
exist Next
thing you
know he'll be after Santa Claus for
product liability. He'd commit
troops into battle with Skeletor
and the evil teenage mutant bas¬
tard children. The1 guy has the
brains of a Ken doll. I'm sorry, but
it's embarrassing to have a vice
president whom you wouldn't trust
to wash your car— "Uh.Dan.y^ah,
put the windows up before you
spray it"
I would let Al Gore wash my
car (Wifey Tipper would wash my
mouth out if I sang along with any
of my favorite bands). Al is all
right though. At least he wants to
put money into the environment
instead of welfare. Sure he's a
liberal, and like Clinton, too much
of a career politician, but it looks
like that'sallwe'llbe getting down
the chute for awhile. Except...
I can't leave out Ross Perot Is
he running this week? You never
can tell with that guy. Old Ross'
problem is' that he thought that
ruthless ambition, money spread
in every direction and question¬
able ethics (the same thing that got
him to the top in business) were all
it took to get to the top in politics.
It takes all of that and more, Ross.
You've got to be able to handle a
press corp that'll dig up your kin¬
dergarten grade card and run a
headline like, "Perot recovering
glue^snifier."
nftjally like try vote Libertar¬
ian and forget about both the
Republicans and the Democrats,
but I mink another four years of
our "Environmental President-
might mean I'd have to eat air and
chew the water.. Quick quiz,
George Bush: How do yon protect
public forests? No George, you're
confusing park rangers with strip
miners. Yes George, the guys with ■
hard hats and bulldozers will hurt
the trees and bunnies.
And another four years of
George's U-Haul economic strat¬
egy would mean everyone will
have a real long drive to work.
Real long. We're talking grab your
passport for Mexico. That's where
American businesses are being
induced to relocate—with our tax
dollars, no less. Mexican wages
are really competitive—33 cents
an hour. Don't forget we now
have a free-trade agreement with
Mexico. They can afford lots of
our products, George.
Well, at least we can count oh
George for no new taxes. Yeah,
and Ted Kennedy's going to be
faithful to his new wife.
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