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V .. YOHS flWO IS l»Z A ROUWA RAltDOH 7H0U6HTS The Daily Collegian Tuesday, Oct. 2, 1990 How to talk to curious cops ./• David Finesilver Letters to the editor Sooner or later, every red- blooded, partying college student hears the words Tlave you been — drinking?" This question is usualryToUowed by an embarrassed silence, caused by (A) trying to remember. (B) trying, to forget, or (C) trying to remember what the question was. WeJL you can relax and enjoy yourself: Fred can see your smiling face once more, and the « police can look elsewhere for customers. Here Is a list of snappy replies to that hitherto stunning question that Is guaranteed to get you some kind of result. Just clip this column and carry It wtth you at all times. Please note that there are two sets of answers: one for officers of . the law, one for Irate parents. rX)NTMTXTHEMUP! First, the ones for the law. - l."OfcourseIVebeendrinking, stupid. You think I'm a stunt driver?' 2. Ill have you know my uncle Is the mayor of this town.' [WARNING: Do not use this excuse in Fresno, where the mayor is a woman.) 3. "Just call President Haak at home. Hell straighten you out in a hurry."Dr. Haak likes to get calk like thisat3 a.m. H if hone of these answers produces the desired result, you might try the old amnesia routine. 'Where am I? Who are you? Thank you for stopping me. Officer. All 1 needed was to pull over for a second to let my adrenalin rush slow down. Im much better now. thank you." Then drtve away: the cop won't mind. The answers for your parents vary wtth your histrionic abilities and Mom and Pop's ■ gullibility. However. I've found that the first deteriorates with exposure to alcohol, and the second wears thin by the time a kid reaches college. If you feel lucky, try this one: "Gosh. Mom (Dad. Grandma, sweetheart, etc.). I didnl know Fred was drunk when he got hi the car wtth us. By the time I figured out what was wrong with han. 1 got a contact high from smelling rusbreath." ' * If that doesnt work, try this: "See, this bunch of football players from Arkansas said they were going to beat me up If I didn't drink a beer." Wtth parents, you should always try to appear bright-eyed and innocent Ii you keep stepping on your tongue when you try to talk or If you tripped over your thumb and fell UP the stairs coming in the house, forget It. - Eventualh/.you'regoUigto come face-to-face (orlace-to- toilet) with a monumental hangover If vou drink too much The best curejVe found Is trStiave a friend hose you down wttrnce- water from a firehose. Now. notice I said "hose YOU down:" personally, rd rather die. Of course, you could try drinking in moderation. or not at all Add-Drop the Cartoon Editor. The most elementary of Journalism classes teaches those Interested In becoming journalists to ask the questions who. what where, etc. questions. and to be accurate and responsible when reporting. The Dally Collegian felled to be accurate and responsible when you printed the "Last-day of add-drop" cartoon in your Sept 25 Issue. The depletion was only half-right which makes it inaccurate and Irresponsible on your part for printing it It was accurate to note that there are long lines on the las t day of add-drop, as there are during Just about any other deadline that Impacts significant numbers of students. While we find it difficult to understand why so many students wait until the last day of a four- week period to turn In add-drop forms. we also realize that our Job is to serve students. It was Inaccurate, however, to infer that only one service window was open. At no time was there only one service window open. We have a staff of five manning the windows during the year. supplemented during the last two days of add -drop by two regular staff and two students. Furthermore, the drawing failed to depict the two tables we had set up outside the building to also serve students during the day. The cartoon Inaccurately reflects on the staff of this office and holds them up for ridicule when In (act they do their. Job and do It well. The staff at the Public Contact service windows sees more students on an annual basis than* any other office on campus. You have done them a disservice and I think an apology is in order. *^ Richard Backer Director Admissions. Records. Evaluations Eds. note: The cartoon was not ln- - tendedasafactualpiece,butratherthe artist's own opinion and therefore interpretation of the situation. —■* Apology Editor. I address my letter to Ralph Avttla and Ron Castillo, two students that I happen to have offended today In the Free Speech area. Ralph and Ron, I am sorry you took offeanse to my thoughtless use of the phrase "La Mlgra" [slang for the U.S. Border Patrol]. In the past. I have oft en used the term when Joking with my frlends.whllenotthlnkmgoftheconse- quenoes of my actions, and being a new student here, I was unaware that the mention of the Border Patrol was an Insult to students on this campus. After talking about the incident with a few of my friends. I now realize how thoughtless my actions were and I am very sorry if I offended you in anyway. I would also like to take this oppor- tunlty to thank you for bringing this Insult to my attention so that In the Sa»* LETTERS, poge 5 d ■ The ^— Daily — Collegian EdfcthCNs! "■ESS OopyEdhr PtitfoEdior Sport* Edftor OnpfesEdfor Entwtiinnwrt cdator SMAiM BuarajaaMnruoar AoVa*aWJalaMg» AdrYoduoxfiUananar Cfratiophe* ntftdta AmaDtza SaMnsKsbr JbnPiwk Jason Carre* Chris Brawl PatBoytan AratfasjtHsrrirlx . Hubert BaYKM Sandy Harpanroaosr Ron Mam WanOjNaybr Suf! Wrftart Bad Cote, Todd Haa\Kma Lara. PaanaL»ntfilanaaakhal. RiiartW.aamaa.9fad Kami Ztfaw CMl Coooaa, Dash Jonas. Daa IfcLwd, John Wish NanlM-anaUM Spars ina- &» 27M73J /Was*hglni-0t)27S«7M Bnert Danem, Lutes' StiejjrjB il AaTvvtjwnQ RaBreMnttinM lSJaK^j^.eia*/aa3>VrjaanaTca», ftryndi TronpMn. Jetr** ¥*•***•» BanaaWraa Raj Daalan by Os* ftawar «• a* cak*. > >aM ■ a. ■« an m. < c. — an—^a»»»nf —x—ii lanni, n.. CaBaa* SMSM. S> B*> Cakaka k a aaaaw al Ba CaBaa aiaallaliMI m aaaaa attaiaa. B> aatfaa aaa*. u i, iiii.ii | a ,i. oanaanw I taaa * Sa Dak Cakaha a Bnaa ^ FORTHE RECORD Enorsinihe IMyCoUegianiri^ybe'brougi'.t to puraltenuon by calfog 2^2486 orby vmtipgus aVtRej^tB'Oj.i(pfl3.E9j.aldiH?3! CatffbrruflState^^
Object Description
Title | 1990_10 The Daily Collegian October 1990 |
Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
Publication Date | 1990 |
Description | Daily (except weekends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif. : BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels ; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
Contributors | Assocated Students of Fresno State. |
Coverage | Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
Language | eng |
Description
Title | October 2, 1990, Page 2 |
Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
Publication Date | 1990 |
Description | Daily (except weekends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif. : BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels ; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
Contributors | Assocated Students of Fresno State. |
Coverage | Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
Language | eng |
Full-Text-Search | V .. YOHS flWO IS l»Z A ROUWA RAltDOH 7H0U6HTS The Daily Collegian Tuesday, Oct. 2, 1990 How to talk to curious cops ./• David Finesilver Letters to the editor Sooner or later, every red- blooded, partying college student hears the words Tlave you been — drinking?" This question is usualryToUowed by an embarrassed silence, caused by (A) trying to remember. (B) trying, to forget, or (C) trying to remember what the question was. WeJL you can relax and enjoy yourself: Fred can see your smiling face once more, and the « police can look elsewhere for customers. Here Is a list of snappy replies to that hitherto stunning question that Is guaranteed to get you some kind of result. Just clip this column and carry It wtth you at all times. Please note that there are two sets of answers: one for officers of . the law, one for Irate parents. rX)NTMTXTHEMUP! First, the ones for the law. - l."OfcourseIVebeendrinking, stupid. You think I'm a stunt driver?' 2. Ill have you know my uncle Is the mayor of this town.' [WARNING: Do not use this excuse in Fresno, where the mayor is a woman.) 3. "Just call President Haak at home. Hell straighten you out in a hurry."Dr. Haak likes to get calk like thisat3 a.m. H if hone of these answers produces the desired result, you might try the old amnesia routine. 'Where am I? Who are you? Thank you for stopping me. Officer. All 1 needed was to pull over for a second to let my adrenalin rush slow down. Im much better now. thank you." Then drtve away: the cop won't mind. The answers for your parents vary wtth your histrionic abilities and Mom and Pop's ■ gullibility. However. I've found that the first deteriorates with exposure to alcohol, and the second wears thin by the time a kid reaches college. If you feel lucky, try this one: "Gosh. Mom (Dad. Grandma, sweetheart, etc.). I didnl know Fred was drunk when he got hi the car wtth us. By the time I figured out what was wrong with han. 1 got a contact high from smelling rusbreath." ' * If that doesnt work, try this: "See, this bunch of football players from Arkansas said they were going to beat me up If I didn't drink a beer." Wtth parents, you should always try to appear bright-eyed and innocent Ii you keep stepping on your tongue when you try to talk or If you tripped over your thumb and fell UP the stairs coming in the house, forget It. - Eventualh/.you'regoUigto come face-to-face (orlace-to- toilet) with a monumental hangover If vou drink too much The best curejVe found Is trStiave a friend hose you down wttrnce- water from a firehose. Now. notice I said "hose YOU down:" personally, rd rather die. Of course, you could try drinking in moderation. or not at all Add-Drop the Cartoon Editor. The most elementary of Journalism classes teaches those Interested In becoming journalists to ask the questions who. what where, etc. questions. and to be accurate and responsible when reporting. The Dally Collegian felled to be accurate and responsible when you printed the "Last-day of add-drop" cartoon in your Sept 25 Issue. The depletion was only half-right which makes it inaccurate and Irresponsible on your part for printing it It was accurate to note that there are long lines on the las t day of add-drop, as there are during Just about any other deadline that Impacts significant numbers of students. While we find it difficult to understand why so many students wait until the last day of a four- week period to turn In add-drop forms. we also realize that our Job is to serve students. It was Inaccurate, however, to infer that only one service window was open. At no time was there only one service window open. We have a staff of five manning the windows during the year. supplemented during the last two days of add -drop by two regular staff and two students. Furthermore, the drawing failed to depict the two tables we had set up outside the building to also serve students during the day. The cartoon Inaccurately reflects on the staff of this office and holds them up for ridicule when In (act they do their. Job and do It well. The staff at the Public Contact service windows sees more students on an annual basis than* any other office on campus. You have done them a disservice and I think an apology is in order. *^ Richard Backer Director Admissions. Records. Evaluations Eds. note: The cartoon was not ln- - tendedasafactualpiece,butratherthe artist's own opinion and therefore interpretation of the situation. —■* Apology Editor. I address my letter to Ralph Avttla and Ron Castillo, two students that I happen to have offended today In the Free Speech area. Ralph and Ron, I am sorry you took offeanse to my thoughtless use of the phrase "La Mlgra" [slang for the U.S. Border Patrol]. In the past. I have oft en used the term when Joking with my frlends.whllenotthlnkmgoftheconse- quenoes of my actions, and being a new student here, I was unaware that the mention of the Border Patrol was an Insult to students on this campus. After talking about the incident with a few of my friends. I now realize how thoughtless my actions were and I am very sorry if I offended you in anyway. I would also like to take this oppor- tunlty to thank you for bringing this Insult to my attention so that In the Sa»* LETTERS, poge 5 d ■ The ^— Daily — Collegian EdfcthCNs! "■ESS OopyEdhr PtitfoEdior Sport* Edftor OnpfesEdfor Entwtiinnwrt cdator SMAiM BuarajaaMnruoar AoVa*aWJalaMg» AdrYoduoxfiUananar Cfratiophe* ntftdta AmaDtza SaMnsKsbr JbnPiwk Jason Carre* Chris Brawl PatBoytan AratfasjtHsrrirlx . Hubert BaYKM Sandy Harpanroaosr Ron Mam WanOjNaybr Suf! Wrftart Bad Cote, Todd Haa\Kma Lara. PaanaL»ntfilanaaakhal. RiiartW.aamaa.9fad Kami Ztfaw CMl Coooaa, Dash Jonas. Daa IfcLwd, John Wish NanlM-anaUM Spars ina- &» 27M73J /Was*hglni-0t)27S«7M Bnert Danem, Lutes' StiejjrjB il AaTvvtjwnQ RaBreMnttinM lSJaK^j^.eia*/aa3>VrjaanaTca», ftryndi TronpMn. Jetr** ¥*•***•» BanaaWraa Raj Daalan by Os* ftawar «• a* cak*. > >aM ■ a. ■« an m. < c. — an—^a»»»nf —x—ii lanni, n.. CaBaa* SMSM. S> B*> Cakaka k a aaaaw al Ba CaBaa aiaallaliMI m aaaaa attaiaa. B> aatfaa aaa*. u i, iiii.ii | a ,i. oanaanw I taaa * Sa Dak Cakaha a Bnaa ^ FORTHE RECORD Enorsinihe IMyCoUegianiri^ybe'brougi'.t to puraltenuon by calfog 2^2486 orby vmtipgus aVtRej^tB'Oj.i(pfl3.E9j.aldiH?3! CatffbrruflState^^ |