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m ullshit The Daily Collegian • April 1,1992 Buffy strikes back Dear Editor, I am writing to share with . you a strange and exciting revelation which overcame ■ me as 1 sat in my English class on Tuesday. I looked up from my argumentative essay titled "Why the NRA should run the government in consultation with the John Birch Society" and noticed some astounding fliers for several candidates running in the upcoming ASI elec¬ tions. The fliers were a cold purple-blue and sported as their only party identification a black death's head which reminded me of my favorite era in world history, Nazi Germany. What was even more irtcredibly wonderful is that all the candidates ~ pictured were white, Aryan and men, by God, except for one guy with glasses who might have been of some Arabic descent, but then with what John Sununu has done to redeem all Eastern Medi¬ terranean people, I think that this would be alright as long There is a God Dear Editor, I am a recent transfer from a small mid western college, and I never thought I would write to you, but here I am, writing to you. I have a class near your office and have been admiring all you hardworking, intelligent women from afar as I come and go. Let me first say that your * product is fantastic. Let me say next that I am a part- time firefighter, I have a black Nissan pathfinder, an Akita named Tucker, I am a Democrat but I'm switching to the Green party because I am environmen¬ tally conscious, I love Led Zeppelin, camping, and mountain biking, I am very funny (David Letterman is my God), agnostic, I am an excellent student but can also pound kamikazes like there's no tomorrow then drive perfectly and not pass out the minute I get home, and I would really like to meet a nice girl who shares my interests. Can you help me out? Mr. Right —Editor's note: Yes, I think I can hdpyou. as one of the Aryans was in charge. Looking at the handsome, pure faces of the individuals on the fliers, it as good as proved the theory of my upcoming book, "Mengele and the Movement," re¬ counting how Joseph Mengele escaped safely to South America and spawned offspring, and whose grand¬ sons were secretly integrated into decision-making posi¬ tions in America by way of an SAE student government offshoot called "The Move¬ ment^ named, incidentally, after a white supremacist organization located in the United States Aryan heart¬ land, the Northwest territo¬ ries). I can't tell you how vin¬ dicated I felt. At last there is some hope. Hallelujah and praise Jesus. • Beulah "Buffy" von Reicher —Editor's note: And what are those stupid skeletons about, anyway? Rancid FARTS in bad taste My Dearest Editor: I am writing to expose a most heinous and odorifor- ous crime that is perpetrated daily by my fellow students and numerous, otherwise honorable, professors. I am talking about the blowing of cheese and spewing of butt nuggets in a classroom shared by 30 other individuals. Many a time I have sup¬ pressed my urge to anally splurge during a lecture. But it is obvious that my classmates don't share my affinity for clean air. Twice I've been intellectually stimulated and on the verge of orgasm when my class¬ room had to be evacuated due to a careless anal utter¬ ance spoken by an individual who arrived at class straight from Taco Smell. If you 'v e got gas, cut class. We've got to share the air for at least 50 minutes; let's try to make those 50 minutes as olfactorily pleasant as possible. Rose Palm, Enology Major YEAH BOB by Dany KJuskowsto mm STUART SWOUIP WAVE KNOW BCTTER THAN TD OWO? TUC CHICKEN rfJJAvl). OVERHEARD IN THE COHEGIAN: "Let's have a list of cheap beers: Turn the tape over.This is the Lucky Lager, $4 a case. And the Smashing Pumpkins. Youre gonna puzzles are nice too. I can never orgasm by the fourth song or your figure them out The more you drink money back''—Michelle the harder they get"—Shannon Horrible question: Should we buy Keystone, or just quit drinking? The Daily Collegian congratulates the latest initiates of Kappa Vodka Ganja (The Only Independent, Belligerent Sorority/Fraternity on Campus) Supreme Diplomat-Ass-Kisser-Initiator of Debauchery: Michelle Maitm-Fernandez-Wentworth White Male: Chain Smoker: Married Ex-Party Animal: Innocent Puppy In Need of Corruption: Washing His Mouth Out With Soap: Three Brain Cells Shy of A Self-Inflicted Lobotomy: Corruptables: H#rH^ Keg Tapper : Chief Tattoo Licker: Tattoo Licking Crew: Naive Redheaded Goddess: Victims of Chronic Eye Strain: On The Take: Line Production Managers: Condom Supplier: Yu Ting Dukkke Dyke Dick Buchannan Aimee L. Fisher King Welsh J ana Ballinger-A Mexican Brian's Song Davies Richard "Lick Balls" James Jason "Huh?" Terada Scott "Who?" Carter, Michael S. "Falling off the Edge" Handorf, Vicki Mc Donald Mc Daniel, Wanda Russell, Erin Yasuda Manny Fernandez Danny Evans Adam Brady, Chris Cocoles, atoug Mc Crew Cut Leod Christine Dee Baker-Martin-Fishead-Wentworth Hector A Mexican-Baliinger, Bryan Chan Shawnda Grice Shawndale Grice, . N Lance "Stonewall," Tight Ass Jackson Shannon "Crude, Lewd and Tattooed" Wentworth , - f + r .. ,,,.-.-.- I ■ > «* \ \
Object Description
Title | 1992_04 The Daily Collegian April 1992 |
Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
Publication Date | 1992 |
Description | Daily (except weedends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif.: BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
Contributors | Associated Students of Fresno State. |
Coverage | Vol.1 no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
Language | eng |
Description
Title | April 1, 1992, Page 2 |
Alternative Title | Daily Collegian (California State University, Fresno) |
Publisher | Associated Students of Fresno State, Fresno, Calif. |
Publication Date | 1992 |
Description | Daily (except weedends) during the school year. Microfilm. Palo Alto, Calif.: BMI Library Microfilms, 1986- microfilm reels; 35 mm. Vol.1, no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- |
Subject | California State University, Fresno -- Periodicals. |
Contributors | Associated Students of Fresno State. |
Coverage | Vol.1 no.1 (Feb 8, 1922)- to present |
Format | Microfilm reels, 35 mm. |
Technical Information | Scanned at 600 dpi; TIFF; Microfilm ScanPro 2000 "E-image data" |
Language | eng |
Full-Text-Search | m ullshit The Daily Collegian • April 1,1992 Buffy strikes back Dear Editor, I am writing to share with . you a strange and exciting revelation which overcame ■ me as 1 sat in my English class on Tuesday. I looked up from my argumentative essay titled "Why the NRA should run the government in consultation with the John Birch Society" and noticed some astounding fliers for several candidates running in the upcoming ASI elec¬ tions. The fliers were a cold purple-blue and sported as their only party identification a black death's head which reminded me of my favorite era in world history, Nazi Germany. What was even more irtcredibly wonderful is that all the candidates ~ pictured were white, Aryan and men, by God, except for one guy with glasses who might have been of some Arabic descent, but then with what John Sununu has done to redeem all Eastern Medi¬ terranean people, I think that this would be alright as long There is a God Dear Editor, I am a recent transfer from a small mid western college, and I never thought I would write to you, but here I am, writing to you. I have a class near your office and have been admiring all you hardworking, intelligent women from afar as I come and go. Let me first say that your * product is fantastic. Let me say next that I am a part- time firefighter, I have a black Nissan pathfinder, an Akita named Tucker, I am a Democrat but I'm switching to the Green party because I am environmen¬ tally conscious, I love Led Zeppelin, camping, and mountain biking, I am very funny (David Letterman is my God), agnostic, I am an excellent student but can also pound kamikazes like there's no tomorrow then drive perfectly and not pass out the minute I get home, and I would really like to meet a nice girl who shares my interests. Can you help me out? Mr. Right —Editor's note: Yes, I think I can hdpyou. as one of the Aryans was in charge. Looking at the handsome, pure faces of the individuals on the fliers, it as good as proved the theory of my upcoming book, "Mengele and the Movement," re¬ counting how Joseph Mengele escaped safely to South America and spawned offspring, and whose grand¬ sons were secretly integrated into decision-making posi¬ tions in America by way of an SAE student government offshoot called "The Move¬ ment^ named, incidentally, after a white supremacist organization located in the United States Aryan heart¬ land, the Northwest territo¬ ries). I can't tell you how vin¬ dicated I felt. At last there is some hope. Hallelujah and praise Jesus. • Beulah "Buffy" von Reicher —Editor's note: And what are those stupid skeletons about, anyway? Rancid FARTS in bad taste My Dearest Editor: I am writing to expose a most heinous and odorifor- ous crime that is perpetrated daily by my fellow students and numerous, otherwise honorable, professors. I am talking about the blowing of cheese and spewing of butt nuggets in a classroom shared by 30 other individuals. Many a time I have sup¬ pressed my urge to anally splurge during a lecture. But it is obvious that my classmates don't share my affinity for clean air. Twice I've been intellectually stimulated and on the verge of orgasm when my class¬ room had to be evacuated due to a careless anal utter¬ ance spoken by an individual who arrived at class straight from Taco Smell. If you 'v e got gas, cut class. We've got to share the air for at least 50 minutes; let's try to make those 50 minutes as olfactorily pleasant as possible. Rose Palm, Enology Major YEAH BOB by Dany KJuskowsto mm STUART SWOUIP WAVE KNOW BCTTER THAN TD OWO? TUC CHICKEN rfJJAvl). OVERHEARD IN THE COHEGIAN: "Let's have a list of cheap beers: Turn the tape over.This is the Lucky Lager, $4 a case. And the Smashing Pumpkins. Youre gonna puzzles are nice too. I can never orgasm by the fourth song or your figure them out The more you drink money back''—Michelle the harder they get"—Shannon Horrible question: Should we buy Keystone, or just quit drinking? The Daily Collegian congratulates the latest initiates of Kappa Vodka Ganja (The Only Independent, Belligerent Sorority/Fraternity on Campus) Supreme Diplomat-Ass-Kisser-Initiator of Debauchery: Michelle Maitm-Fernandez-Wentworth White Male: Chain Smoker: Married Ex-Party Animal: Innocent Puppy In Need of Corruption: Washing His Mouth Out With Soap: Three Brain Cells Shy of A Self-Inflicted Lobotomy: Corruptables: H#rH^ Keg Tapper : Chief Tattoo Licker: Tattoo Licking Crew: Naive Redheaded Goddess: Victims of Chronic Eye Strain: On The Take: Line Production Managers: Condom Supplier: Yu Ting Dukkke Dyke Dick Buchannan Aimee L. Fisher King Welsh J ana Ballinger-A Mexican Brian's Song Davies Richard "Lick Balls" James Jason "Huh?" Terada Scott "Who?" Carter, Michael S. "Falling off the Edge" Handorf, Vicki Mc Donald Mc Daniel, Wanda Russell, Erin Yasuda Manny Fernandez Danny Evans Adam Brady, Chris Cocoles, atoug Mc Crew Cut Leod Christine Dee Baker-Martin-Fishead-Wentworth Hector A Mexican-Baliinger, Bryan Chan Shawnda Grice Shawndale Grice, . N Lance "Stonewall," Tight Ass Jackson Shannon "Crude, Lewd and Tattooed" Wentworth , - f + r .. ,,,.-.-.- I ■ > «* \ \ |