1992_02 The Daily Collegian February 1992

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ITllOfl The Daily CoUegian • -February 14,1992
Brave New Whirl
By SCOTT-ALLEN PIERSON
YUKK! THERE'S A LITTLC
MAN  AT TU*. BOTTOM OF
THIS  TtQUiL* rSOTTVf I
T=in
Let's get cynical
John Welsh
If only love was as simple
as those candy heart mes¬
sages Brach'f used to mass
produce every February.
"Some Day." ... "Meant To
Be."... "Just You.".. "In The
Mood/'
I think Brach's needs some
1990s-styled conversational
hearts. We need messages
like "Shutup Already!" or "I
Want Hair or^eed a
l>ink."
Now Valentine's Day has
snuck up on us again: And I
really don't feel any pity for
the boneheads out there who
forgot a special gift for their
soul mate.
Now that we're in the 90s,
I won't find it surprising if
many women mail me
expensive gifts. I haven't
received any flowers yet, but
I know some sort of special
gift is en route. ' J'
We men mustn't feel pres¬
sured this Valentine's Day. If
we don't feel like getting our
loved ones anything, we
should hold our ground. We
mustn't feel pressured by the
commercialism that kills our
checking accounts every Feb.
14.
And, if you listen to this
garbarge my fellow male
companions, you're an idiot
We know what must be ac¬
complished. We've handled
these events before. We are
skilled technicians in the love
realm.
We have the number of
the local florist on speed dial.
If you haven't taken care
of the floral action yet, it may
be too late.
/called Woodward Park
Florist last night at five and
the woman on the other end
was overwhelmed with
orders. "We're really busy,"
she said. "Can you call back
arother/tirne?"
Thank goodness I really
didn't need any roses. I'm
saving cash this year. A
dozen long stemmed roses
goes for about 60 bucks.
That's a lot of green just for
some buds. Guys, we cer¬
tainly know what we can
buy with 60 bones. Thaf s
about five cases of beer. Holy
Toledo!
The two mysterious ques¬
tions that envelopes my soul
every Feb. 14 is: Who really
was this St. Valentine's dude
anyway? And did he have
little naked cupids flying
around him?
Ah, Valentine's Day. To
hell with it!
This is the day we're in
love or we wish we had
somebody to love. This is the
day we think we're in love
and roses, dinner and movie
solidify this abstract, un¬
touchable feeling.
What's die perfect
Valentine's Day date?
Well, from a man's per-
spective, we might find
ourselves snuggling with our
main squeeze on the couch.
The lights are off and we're
watching a most romantic
program on... ESPN.
From a woman's point of
view, and I have researched
this angle very closely, We
will be going out to dinner.
The man will not be late. The
man, if smart will buy a
dozen roses. The man wall
order an expensive bottle of
wine. The man will plant a
small peck on the woman's
cheek and say good night.
The man will go home with
an empty wallet,   x
'Okay, I'm really not this
!  cynical. I really am a firm
believer in love. L ove is a
groovy thing. Love is super.
And love tastes great, '^
especialy when she pays for
dinner.
Those candy hearts sure
were groovy, weren't they?
"YcwFlirT..."OneKissr
_j "Be Mine." The days of in¬
nocence were sweet. The
days of innocence were, er,
inexpensive.
It's time for me to head
iome. I'm going to check my
- jnail box. There must be tons
of cards for me to read. I
hope somebody sent me
some candy.
I just love candy. Espe¬
cially when I didn't pay for
it
—John Welsh is single
Love, not money
Jodi Rtzpatrick
St. Valentine's Day. Whenever*! hear the phrase,
I expect it to be followed shortly by...massacre....
You know, crying, steaming, you don't love me
enough, I just spent how much money onthat-—,
blood, guts, the whole nine yards. Everyone tries
too hard and expects to much, while restaurants
and florists rake in a ton of dough.
Lef s face it, if gangrene has set in on a relation¬
ship, dialing the florist i - not going to change
matters. Besides, we women have caught on to the
fact that men only send flowers when they've
screwed something up. Champagne and chocolate? -
Forget it Too obvious; like the (spare us please)     ^
wine and cheese seduction. Besides, two pounds of
Godiva and a magnum of Mumm's are meant for
heart to hearts with one's women friends, and are
utterly wasted on men.
Often the best Valentine's Days are accidental,
like the time I met my boyfriend in London at a
club called the Pleasure Dive. Later, I walked with
him through deserted streets in his leather jacket,
greeting my flatmates at 7 AM, with what was left
of my stockings slung over one shoulder.
But the surest recipe for a great Valentine's Day
is to be happy and caring to your partner. LP your
lover is upset when you show up empty-handed, it
is usually indicative of ongoing resen tments over
past oversights and transgressions'. (Read that last
sentence again guys). Men, esped**lry, don't under¬
estimate your mere presence. If your feelings are
genuine, hell, snowing up wrapped in a red ribbon
will beat any five course dinner with wine, (al¬
though a bottle wouldn't hurt), and fit neatly into
the tightest student budget.
Do what is comfortable on Valentine's Day.
Enjoy each other. Take a walk. Eat cheap, spicy
food. Get a six-pack and watch old Samurai mov- *
ies. And if your boyfriend turns up his nose at
brewski and kung-fu, well, try tyirtjg him up.
Boycott deemed fruitless
Dear Editor,
I would like to address
those students on campus who
participated in Wednesday's
boycott of classes because of the
40 percent fee increase. Califor¬
nia has the least expansive
tuition costs of any state in this
country. You are still paying
half of most other students of
the nation. I moved to Fresno
two years ago because of the
cost of tuition here at CSUF. I
don't see why you are wasting
the time you paid for to boycott
the classes you worked your
butt off to get into. Most of us
spent two weeks trying to get
into classes we otherwise
couldn't get So I propose you
protest the cutback of classes
instead of the cost because you
are getting a college education at
nearly half of other college
students in the U.S.. I'm willing
to pay $1,400 a year here instead
ofS*Lrj00ayearbackinniinois.
California has picked up most of
your college tuition bill for quite
awhile. Be glad it didn't com¬
pletely pull the rug out from
underneath you.
Jeff Smith