1994_02 Insight February 1994

              Page-6
February 16,1994
I LI FESTYLE
By Jennifer Johnson	
StaffWriler
She sat down on lhc old. Army-
green sofa and her head fell into her
shaking hands. Tears streamed,down
her face. She muttered, "Why won't
he talk to mc?"
Julie and hcr boyfriend, Tim, had a
fight because Julie kept asking why hc
had avoided hcr ihc past couple of
days.
Tim had told her he was getting
frustrated with her line of questioning.
Hc finally told hcr nothing was wrong
and to leave him alone.
But to Julie, nothing could mean
something.
In ihis case. Tun and Julie represent
fictional characters iUustratingrniscorr.-
munication between people of the opposite sex.
John Gray, Ihe author of "Men are
From Mars, Women are from Venus,"
dedicates a whole book to the troubles
men and women have communicating.
Julie has misinterpreted Tim'scom-
munication patterns to mean he does
notlove her anymore, does not want to
see her anymore, or is seeing another
women.
Thc only message Tim is trying to
convey toJulic is that he wants to be left
alone because he just lost his job along
with his self-esteem.
Tim's and Julie's case is easily explained by Gray in his book.
Gray claims that a man in Tim's
situation feels better when he withdraws into ihe cave of his mind and
focuses on solving the problem.
"He becomes so focused on solving
the problem that he temporarily loses
awareness of everything else. Other
problems and responsibUities fade into
the background," Gray writes.
Dr. Melanie" M. Bloom, a CSUF
speech communication professor, says
that men arc taught to get out of touch
with their feelings.
"Men are led to believe lhat to talking about their feelings is feminine,"
said Bloom.
Women, Gray claims, don't understand this way of dealing with problems because women often share openly
feelings of being overwhelmed, confused, hopeless, and exhausted.
"My female roommates and I have
an open door policy. Whenever one of
it doesn't matter what time it is, we are
there for each other," said Katie Woods,
20, Fresno City College studenL
Men, unlike women, don't share
feelings when they arc together. Bloom
says.
"When men get together they participate in activities, like fishing and
golfing. They don't talk about things."
But shc says lhat when men finally
do need to talk, they come to the woman
thatthey arc romantically involved with.
But they still may have misunderstandings in their talk's because men
and women each put a different slant
on their use of thc English language.
Bloom says.
"Men understand men more than
they understand women. Because men
have to explain things to a women that
a man would already understand," said
Jose Acosta, 21, criminology major.
Gray says thai thc best way for
women to deal wiih men in any situa
tion is say the magic words, "You
don't have to say anything."
In an appearance on the talk show
"Vicki," Gray addresses the problem
men and women have with communicating to each other.
The women that appeared on
"Vicki" had some other observations
about the differences between men
and women.
RitaRudncr.a well-known comedian, emphasizes these differences in
her comedy routine.
£ ray countered wiiM statcmen t that
men don't want to talk aboui it because
they just want the relationship to unfold.
"Women misinterpret a man's silence. When a man is silent, it is easy for
a women to imagine the worst," said
Gray.
But when communication finally
takes place, women feel that they arc
not heard.
But Julie Momjian, 20, philosophy
major, who disagrees with Gray in that
Book
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"When my husband and I arc getting ready to go out and I am running
late, he waits in lhc car. He is thinking
that I will hurry. It just gives me time
to call my friends before we leave,"
said Rudner.
She also talked aboul howtoenda
relationship with a man.
"Don't say lhat you never want to
see him again. Say I love you and I
want to marry you and have your children. I guarantee he will leave skid
marks."
Other women on the talk show
agreed with Rudner and said thai men
are afraid to talk aboul commitments.
"Men do not want to talk about how
ihcy stand in a relationship," Cathy
Guiscwite, author of "Dancing
Through Life on a Pair of Broken
Heels," said on the show.
any communication ever comes into
play.
"Whatcommunication? There is no
female-male communication."
Whenever their isn't any conversation between Stefani Perez, 22, speech
communication major, and hcr fiance,
she said she feels like beating him over
the head with a shoe.
Emily Cummings, 19, prc-nursing
major, believes men can communicate.
"It is not that men don't talk, it just
seems so difficult to communicate certain ideas or feelings and have a man
understand. Maybe it has to do with
r
ego.
Gray attributes these misunderstanding to thc notion that men and
women speak different languages.
"I feel that one of the biggest barriers in malc-femaleconversations is the
lack of understanding," said Brent
Richardson, 23, advertising major.
Not only do they speak different
languages but they interpret situations
and actions differently.
Richardson's biggest complaint is
lhat women don't believe him because
they think that he is just saying what
they want to hear.
Dam Kuleika, 23, speech commu-
nication major, said that he is afraid to
talk to a women because he doesn't
want them to think he is picking up on
them.
Bloom attributes Kulcika's fears to
the fact lhat men and women usually
do not engage in cross-sex friendships.
'"When Harry Mm Sallv' is an <•*-
ampie or now hard it is for men and
women to stay just friends," said
Bloom.
But one male challenges that idea.
"I feci comfortable talking to females. I can connect on a psychological level, much more intensely wilh a
female.
"Plus, girls are kinda' ncaL" said
Alex Montciro, 22, speech communication major.
Gray offers this advice to men and
women:
"Bolh men and women need to stop
offering the method of caring they
would prefer and start to leam the
different ways their partners think, feel.
less Diet Desserts
You'll love the TASTE of our soft serve
~   -   SUGARLESS-90% made Ircm milk & wh«y with
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Entertainment Calendar
Wednesday, February 16
• Organizations Day — USU Balcony — 10 am-2pm
• Arts and Crafts Fair — USU Balcony — 10 am-2pm
• USU Productions Movie Night —
"Poetic Justice" and "Menace to Society" —
Upstairs Cafeteria Room 200 — 7pm
• "Environmental Follies of 1994"
Satellite Student Union — 7:30pm — $5, S3 students
Thursday, February 17
• Childern's Day —Satellite Student Union
• Step Show Preview — USU Pit — Noon
Friday, February 18
• Semi-Formal Dance — USU — 9pm
• CSUF Opera Workshop — Vocal Performance Hall, New
Music Building — 8pm — $8, $5 students with ID
Saturday, February 19
• Step Show Tournament — Satellite Student Union — 2pm
• Kappa Alpha Psi After Party — Satellite Student Union
• CSUF Opera Workshop — Vocal Performance Hall, New
Music Building — 8pm — $8, $5 students with ID
• Fresno Lyric Opera's 5th-annual Opera Vocal Competitions ■
Wahlberg Recital Hall — 1 lam — $5
betecv am U \am* n>^ choliettrel |
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I    432-1
Schindler tops movie critic's list
By Alan Button	
Staff Writer
"I'd go to see 'Schindlcr's LisL'"
but I don't think I could take iL" said a
student interviewed at Ihe Union.
He loved "Friday lhc Thirteenth
XIII," in which a teenager was tipped
slowly into a vat of boiling potato soup,
screaming horribly until hcrhcad went
under.
"I'm not going to sec 'Schindlcr's
List,' because 1 want to be entertained,
not depressed," said another studenl.
When asked why, shccxplaincd that
by "entertained" she means a mixture
of comedy and erotic arousal provided
ideally by a dumb young man who
forgot to put his shirt on that morning.
A former CSUF student expressed
some doubts aboul the authenticity of
"Schindler's List," citing thc director's
religion as a reason for "exaggerating"
the horrors of ihe HolocausL
Steven Spielberg, thc director is Jew-
ish.
What movies docs hc like? "Sci Fi.
Thc 'Terminator' series. 'Star Trek'
was great."
These ironies are exceptions to the
opinions of the majority of students; 18
oul of 25 queried aboul their reactions
to "Schindlcr's LisL"
Thc majority were powerfully impressed by thc Spielberg film.
Theyfelt, 15out of them at least, that
it would win Best Picture at the Academy Awards ceremony Ihis year.
To this reviewer and to two-thirds of
the respondents, the most telling reason for seeing "Schindlcr's List" was
iis ability to completely absorb the
viewer.
Yes, there are shocking scenes.
But they are presented as so
engrained in the overall texture of the
chronicle of man's bestiality toman, so
organic a pan of the film, that they
somehow don't seem so unbearable in
their own righL
There is a quiet horror underlying
every scene, from drunken Nazis par-
tying with over-fleshed German
Madchen to children hiding in raw
sewage, lhat makes the film a seamless,
uncompromising wonder.
"Schindler's List" will win the Best
Picture Oscar nextmonth, and itshould
be seen. •
ARLESS
§>t $atuf0 Mmm Cotter
invites you to join them in celebration of
Ash Wednesday, February 16, 1994
Eucharist at 6:30 am, 12:15 & 5:30 pm
Stations of the Cross 7:30 pm
Ashes blessed and given during services
Lenten Observances
Weekday Masses(Monday-Friday) 6:30 am & 5:30 pm
Stations of the Cross each Wednesday: 7:30 pm
Prayer around thc Cross: March 9, 7:30 pm
Retreat Weekend: March 4-6
Reconciliation Service: March 23, 7:30 pm
Holy Week Liturgies: March 31-April 13
&c 5:30 pm
ipm   -
t
For more information call thc Campus Ministers at 436-3434
1572 E. BARSTOW, ACROSS FROM BULLDOGS STADIUM
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