Granada Pioneer, April Fool's Edition

              
R E E N O I  P   a d a n a r G
APRIL FOOL’S EDITION                EHCAMA, ODAROLOC            APRIL  1,   1943
hAlLELuJaH!
wE’RE  SaVEd!
   The ingenious mind of
the Mess division typist-
clerk, Cherry Yoshitomi is
the talk of the  center.
   With the advent of the
warm weather and the ac-
companying windstorms, the
populace was beginning to
worry about the "odor de
fatale" that wafted in
from over there and con-
sequently deprived them of
their appetites.
   But in stepped the cen-
-continued below
Doors will be open to public (SIDEWAYS)
   The long-awaited opening
of- the Amache theater was
announced by W. Ray John-
son, chief of the block-
heads, tomorrow.  Doors
will be open to the public
at 3:94 a.m. with admission
at 25 cents plus a 3-cent
luxury tax plus 3 tokens.
   The feature attraction
will  be "They Died--But
Who's Got Boots with the
Rationing?"   starring Wal-
ter Knodel and Harvey Turk.
   Amazing art work is dis-
played on the lobby walls.
Such historic events as Di-
rector Lindley outplaying
Henry Halliday at tic-tac-
toe, "Tiny" Wells outshoot-
ing the marble champ, and
the boxing match between
Secretaries Hayes and Mc-
Dougall are done in bril-
liant color work.
continued from above---
ter’s  ''wonder child" Cherry,
and their worries were
over.
   Night after night,  it is
reported, Cherry locked
herself in the laundry room
and worked on her "brained-
child.”   Finally came the
moment of triumph.   She had
found the answer to “how
to get rid of the odor from
over there."
   Said Cherry:  " Don' t
go.”
MR. AND MRS.
HIDERINJINGORO  SHATTOMAIKUCHI
TELL OF DELIGHTFUL  WALK
   Mr. and Mrs. Hidarijingoro Shattomaikuchi enjoyed
tremendously a delightful preomenade with their little
boy yesterday afternoon.   They left their abode at ap-
proximately 1:30.p.m., which was, by mathematical cal-
culation, about one hour and fifteen minutes after they
had eaten lunch.
   Mr. Shattomaikuchi did
not forget to lock the door
of their unit as they started out.
   As Mrs. Shattomaikuchi
stepped out of the way himself, but toward the end
of the lovely promenade,
he became tired, so Mr.
Shattomaikuchi lifted his
son ON his strong shoulders
that he had developed in
his prime and carried the
lad the rest of the way.
   On the way, they saw
many interesting things.
They saw several dogs and
they also saw some washing
out on the lines.
   All in all, it was a very
thrilling walk that they
took yesterday afternoon.
EUREKA !!
   In what is regarded as
the most unusual phenomena
of the century,  members of
the Amache recreation de-
partment were seen actually
working on a baseball dia-
mond for the people of the
camp.
   Although head man Turk
had to keep cracking a bull
whip over their heads to
keep them from going back
to their swivel chairs in
the rec office, it is heart-
ening to hear that they
actually did something be-
sides sell tickets to the
evening movies.
SOBER HEADS HOLD
MOMENTOUS MEETING
   All center residents
shall henceforth be required
to chew their gum on the
right side of their mouths,
as a result of a heated
six-hour conference held
yesterday by Project Direc-
tor Lindley and 96 members
of his staff.
   Said Lindley, "The rul-
ing applies only to Wrig-
ley's spearmint, double
mint, and juicy fruit gum.
All other brands and fla-
vors may be chewed on the left
side, for obvious reasons."
   A  two-minute deadlock
followed  a bleat by Henry
Halliday that a clause be
inserted in the rule to
provide for evacuees with
false teeth. "Some provi-
sion must be made for these
people," he argued.
   However, it was decided
by those present that false-
toothed residents will not
be allowed to chew any kind
of gum except on months
with an "s".  And then on-
ly on the right side.
   Last-minute flash--The
co-op canteen this minute
announced that gum will be
rationed, beginning the
first of February, 1943.
Commented Lindley:  Phooey I
SCIENCE  DOWNFALL  OF  PATRICK
   Joseph Patrick Ide, well-
known queer, after getting
in his possession a pair
of glasses that filled his
optical needs, was so
frightened when he saw his
real facial features  for
the first time that he went
into a dead faint and fell
on his face, smashing his
new glasses  completely,
which might not be a bad
thing.  Such is the result
of too exacting science.